Nox
by Miranda River
Summary: Edward's version of Twilight. I think it's good. But then, if I thought it was a piece of muck, I wouldn't be so much of a shrew, or a masochistic lion, for that matter, to post it here. So please be nice. It's for your entertainment.
1. Chapter 1

Tedium.

Absolute, mind numbing boredom.

If I could, if I was human, I'd sleep. After all, what could this average high school have to interest someone with three degrees?

I put up with being a student at Forks High School for Carlisle and Esme. Alice was fascinated by humans, mostly because she had no memory of her human life. Rosalie was just as bored as I, but she enrolled as a senior this year. She and Emmett were leaving soon, under the pretense of college. Rosalie had little patience for school after her second degree, while Emmett had little patience for anything and a strong devotion to Rosalie and her wishes. Jasper had…trouble being around humans. If it weren't for Alice, he wouldn't have been able to stay in one place for long.

The sighs and fantasies I heard in the majority of female heads had become cliché. A few times I had come close to telling them exactly what would happen if I came close to what they imagined…

I could not break the rules.

Alice was worried. It had been a while since Jasper hunted. She didn't see anything, but she hated seeing him in so much anguish.

Rosalie was planning a shopping trip, a surprise to all around. Rosalie was a clotheshorse and reveled in having better clothes than the humans.

It was ostentatious. Rosalie thought nothing of going to Paris during fashion week and finding the newest thing. Alice enjoyed it too, they often went together, along with going to Milan, coming back with an entire new wardrobe.

Not that they needed it, nor did they need to keep up with fashion as fastidiously as they insisted on. While it made things easier to dress like the others, we had no need for the amount of clothes Rosalie and Alice insisted on having.

On the other hand though, what else were they to spend their money on? Especially with Alice's gift for knowing the stock market and enjoyed the benefits of knowing its ups and downs.

"_Isabella Swan_."

That name. It had come up a lot today. It was the new student. The child of Police Chief Swan, hailing from Phoenix, Arizona. A custody change.

At least it would keep the speculation off of me and my family, at least for a week or so.

The sheep like children here were especially distracted by new, shiny objects. With a student body so small, one could hardly blame them, though they were getting increasingly annoying, especially when most of the females here had crushes on my brothers and I for months, even though Jasper and Emmett were obviously "taken".

Half of the boys already imagined themselves in love with her.

I passed the odious Mike Newton, already contemplating asking her out. I wanted to tell him to take a number, so far four other boys already had plans to ask her by the end of the week.

"Edward," Alice said in her mind, "I'm going to hunt with Jasper. Come with us."

"Do you see something?" I asked her sharply.

She thought for a second, concentrating. "No, he's fine," she said decidedly.

I was thirsty. It had been a while. "I'll come."

Alice gave me one of her brilliant smiles. "Good."

"So," Emmett said. "Has the new girl fixated on the handsome Cullen boys yet?"

I realized that I hadn't heard her yet. I concentrated., yet I found a vacuum. I heard the spewing of that Lauren girl, the selfish babbling of Jessica Stanley and Newton still conniving to ask out Bella Swan. As for Bella, nothing. It was like no one was sitting there.

"He's staring at you," Jessica said unnaturally loud. She was sitting right next to Bella. 'Yeah, right, dream on, girl. There's no way that Edward is going to be interested in you. He wasn't even interested in me!' Her mind said.

I thought, perhaps, I would hear something now that I held her gaze. But there was just silence as I looked into her eyes.

As much as I wanted the silence, having it was unsettling.

There was something in her eyes before she looked away-fear? Humans knew instinctively to stay away from us. They were uncomfortable, even if they weren't sure why. We are their natural predators, after all.

"No. She's more intimidated than interested." I didn't want to admit to it that I couldn't read her mind. There was no reason to alarm them.

Emmett was already bored with the topic of Isabella Swan while Jasper was still fighting for control. Lunch was always the hardest for him, being so near all of these humans in one room. Rosalie was more interested in her favorite subject-herself. Alice was trying to help Jasper. They didn't question my vague reporting any further.

I was anxious to leave even before biology. The teacher was an uninspiring on and had he not been merely mediocre, could not hold the interest of a holder of two medical degrees.

I sat in my seat, while in the middle, still isolated from the rest of the class, somehow. It was better to be left alone. I thought of a melody that I was working on for a while. I was working on it, though I couldn't get the end quite right.

My senses, already ten times better than the average human's, suddenly became alive.

The sweetest smell filled my nose-I could taste the venom fill my mouth. I turned my head, following, seeking the scent.

Isabella Swan.

I could see no one else but her-the curve of her neck, the bloody pulsing beneath her veins.

She tripped.

The rustling of the movement caused her hair to stir. The scent was overpowering; I had gone from being a civilized being to the hunter I despised, the part of me that I refused to acknowledge. I wanted-oh how I wanted to get rid of these insipid children and taste the sweetest blood imaginable.

She righted herself, going to the front of the classroom, yet the distance did nothing. I was already planning how the lure her away, how to make sure that nothing would be suspected. No one would notice, while I enjoyed the sweetest blood imaginable.

No.

I couldn't do this. Someone would notice, eventually. She would be missed and missed soon, as she was the prodigal daughter of the police chief, whisked away by her flighty mother and returning without a by-your-leave.

I saw Carlisle's disappointment in me, the same look he gave when I rebelled, how Esme would try to understand, her sadness in my defeat of everything we stood for.

She came to sit beside me, the only seat left, of course. Every male in the room despised me, wanting to be where I sat, wanting to be her lab partner.

If they only knew.

It would be so easy to lure her-so easy to charm her into going away with me. Every shift of her body stirred the air once more, reminding me, in case I had forgotten in my torment, that this would be the finest thing I would ever taste.

Why? I was eternally damned to an immortal existence. Why was I being further punished? She was obviously sent to torment me-to punish me for my previous indiscretions? A forbidden fruit from the most evil of hells.

She was protecting herself from me, keeping her long hair in front of her like a curtain in between us, shielding the throat that I so wanted to taste.

I couldn't stop myself from staring at her, trying to figure out why this demon was summoned from my personal hell to my existence in Forks.

The class finally ended; I was free to escape this classroom and this she-devil. I did not even know her, could not even read her mind, yet I perceived her to be evil. Her sole purpose was to torment me.

I left. My class was unimportant and once I was away from her, I would be able to think rationally again.

My car was my refuge, my own enclosed space in which I was disconnected from everything and able to concentrate. I could not hear the voices of others, just the thought of my own mind.

I flipped through my CDs, trying to find the perfect one to escape. I settled on classical. Classical music was always able to focus me. I found my thirst dissipating and my civilized self returning.

Now. To decide what to do.

I could not stay here. I could not endanger my family like that. Even the best of us fell off the wagon at some point. None of us had Carlisle's restraint.

But why should I let this human girl drive me away from the only people who accepted me, who knew what my life was like.

I would change my schedule. By high school standards, I was an exemplary student. I could easily take physics or chemistry and hopefully never encounter this creature again.

Mrs. Cope was reading a lurid paperback romance-I could hear the prose in her head-'his arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her close so she could feel-'

I pretended to clear my throat. She looked up guiltily, obviously not hearing the door open and repenting not having enough time to shove the book in the third drawer of her desk.

"Oh!" 'oh, my, one of the Cullen boys-the younger one, my he is-young enough to be my son.'

"Mrs. Cope?"

"Yes. Edward. What can I do for you?" 'Here's to you, Mrs. Robinson.'

I wanted to laugh. What Mrs. Cope didn't realize was that I was old enough to be her grandfather.

"I was wondering if it was possible to switch out of sixth period biology. Perhaps into physics?"

'Stop staring. He is sixteen years old! A child!'

"Is there something wrong, Edward?"

'Odd. We've never had a problem with Bob. He isn't well liked by the students, but we've never had a student ask to switch out of his class."

"No. It's just that I've already taken biology. I would much rather challenge myself."

'Of course. That magnet program in Alaska. I wonder what they are doing here. They could probably all enroll in college. All the teachers talk-'

"I don't want to be a bother," I said, smiling at her. That should stop her train of conjecture and get me out of biology.

"I don't know, Edward. Mr. Banner prefers a small class."

"I wouldn't cause any trouble."

'Of course not. Not a perfect Cullen. Never a word against them. Maybe I should talk to Bob…"

I was getting tired of this, but it shouldn't take long to get what I wanted, to be away from that siren call.

Then, as if my mind summoned her, she came. The monster, whom I kept underneath the mask I wore, raged to life again. This room was too small, the heat to high.

She stood petrified against the wall. Was the monster that evident? I felt sick at the thought, inexplicably. Why should I care what this insignificant girl thought of me?

I looked over at Mrs. Cope, to see if she as well was repulsed by the monster in me, yet she showed no signs of recognizing any sort of change in me.

"Oh! Isabella Swan. Did you have a pleasant day, dear?"

She nodded quickly, looking at the floor. She wouldn't even look at me.

I had to get out of there. Her scent was becoming to potent,. The monster begged me to take it, to take the sweet blood being offered ot me. It would be so easy, there was only this annoying secretary to worry about. An easy snap to the neck. It would happen so fast, there would be no time for her to react. She would never know what happened. I would try to make it fast and painless.

NO.

I had to leave. I realized now that even without being in any of her classes, I would have to see her. This wasn't a large school.

"I can see nothing can be done. Thank you," I bit out. I hoped I wasn't scaring them.

I fled, trying to get as far away from her as possible.

I reached the parking lot. Rosalie was furious. I kept them waiting. She was thinking about hot wiring my car if I hadn't shown up when I did.

'Edward, are you ok?' Alice asked.

I didn't bother answering. She would see.

"You're leaving?!" She exclaimed out loud.

"I have to."

"What happened?" Emmett asked.

I explained. I wouldn't be fair otherwise and Alice would tell them anyway.

"So? I can't be that bad," Emmett said. "It's just a girl."

"I have to."

I dropped them off.I decided to take Carlisle's car. He had a full tank of gas, as opposed to the quarter of a tank I had. I wasn't sure where I would go, perhaps to Denali. Tanya and her family always welcomed us.

"Be careful," Alice told me.

"I will," I promised. I was nothing if not careful.

"You'll be back soon," she said.

I wouldn't bet against Alice.


	2. Chapter 2

I drove to the hospital. The sent-her beautiful scent was still with me. I knew where she lived, I could turn a right and arrive at her house.

Not a soul in sight.

No. I had to be stronger than my monster.

I burst into the hospital, demanding to see Carlisle.

'ohmigod' the receptionist thought, 'the son is hotter than Dr. Cullen!'

I sighed impatiently, then saw Carlisle come out of a room.

'Edward. What is wrong?'

"I have to leave. I can't explain right now. Can I borrow your car?"

"Of course."

"Tell Esme I'm sorry."

'Do you have to do this, Edward?'

"Yes."

'You will always have a place here. Come back when you can."

I nodded. It was hard to do this, but it would be harder still to face him after I killed her.

Driving thought the wilderness made me feel better. It was harder to believe that this human girl even had siren's bloody. Already my mind was clearer. But I didn't want to take any chances.

It was still real.

Alaska is a beautiful place. Winter was nice because we didn't have to worry about the sun and there was an isolation in Alaska that was harder to find elsewhere in the United States.

I spent most of my days outside, taking the profound beauty of Alaska. I loved running. Besides playing the piano, running was one of my favorite activity. I loved the speed, the sheer exhilaration of it. I was able to forget, to let go of the control that I kept in constant check.

I decided to go back. It was hard to believe I let her get to me like this. Tanya and her family were nice enough, but I was merely a guest in their home. I was not family like I was with Carlisle and the rest of my own family.

I spent my last day hunting. Being hundreds of miles away made the very idea of Isabella Swan's blood calling to me preposterous, but I wasn't going to take my chances. It was real, even if it didn't seem so now.

Tanya and the others were polite, though they were happy to see me go. I had come rather unexpectedly and I appreciated their hospitality for the past few days.

I was home the next day, driving fast had its advantages. Alice was at the door as soon as I opened it.

"I knew you were coming today!" She said, hugging me.

"Alice."

"Oh, Edward. You've been gone for days. I'm allowed to give you a hug on occasion."

"Alice? What-Edward!"

Esme was now hugging me. Our grips were always strong, but Esme's hug was strong even by our standards. I felt guilty doing this to her, it was obvious that I had put her through some pain.

"Welcome home," she whispered in my ear.

She released me. "Carlisle wants to see you."

I nodded. I knew this was coming.

I entered his library. It was magnificent, the medical knowledge found in the tomes of Carlisle's library would be the envy of every medical institution on the planet. It was a nice place, many times I went in there for solace. Or for something to read.

Carlisle was looking over some files when I entered.

"Edward," he said, looking up at me with a smile on his face. "Welcome home."

"Thank you."

"Would you like to explain why you left?"

"Didn't Alice-"

"Yes. But I would rather hear your version of the events."

I prepared myself. I realized it seemed ridiculous now and I felt foolish telling Carlisle about it.

"A girl at school-the day I felt. The new girl in town, Chief Swan's daughter."

"I'm aware of her."

"Her blood-the scent was intoxicating. I imagined myself…I had to get away from her. It was too much of a risk. I was going to expose us, so I left. I went to Alaska."

Carlisle nodded.

"What do you plan to do now?"

"She is just a girl. I'll make sure I hunt before seeing her. I was just thirsty."

Carlisle nodded, deep in thought, but he was careful to keep his thoughts from me. I tried to give him as much privacy as possible. I had to much respect for him to try to hear his thoughts.

"Be careful, Edward."

I nodded.

I could hear his worry. He remembered my relapse, he wondered if I was strong enough.

I clenched my hand into a fist. I understood his fear, I shared it. A part of me, however, wanted his faith in my civility, instead he put his faith in the monster that I was.

I entered my room. My family knew not to enter without my expressed permission. I was safe here.

It was nice to be back. My room was furnished to my liking-the best stereo equipment money could buy, along with an Italian leather couch I had imported.

I went to my extensive music collection, hoping to find something to fit my needs. I was tempted to practice, I hadn't in days. It felt strange to not feel the keys beneath my fingers.

I realized that school was the next day. My battle had almost begun.

Deep in my thoughts, I didn't realize that Alice had entered my room until she was shouting at me.

"Alice."

"I announced myself. Several times, in fact. It's not my fault you choose to ignore my thoughts to wallow in your own."

"What is it?"

"It's going to snow tomorrow."

"You intruded my room to tell me something as trivial as that?"

Her face fell, I felt slightly remorseful at my tone.

"I'm sure Emmett and Jasper are excited."

She smiled again. "They are."

"They want to have a snowball fight."

Alice nodded.

I returned her smile, to some degree. I was still concerned about seeing Bella Swan.

"You won't hurt her."

I looked at Alice. She seemed so sure, even though she told us time and time again that the future was not a concrete thing, that things changed, that her ability was certainly fallible.

We always trusted Alice's visions. It was because of them that we were as wealthy as we were-it was felicitous to have a sister with a penchant and a love for the stock market.

"Trust yourself, Edward."

She briefly covered my hand with hers, then danced away.

I wondered, even with my thirst sated, if the monster would roar to life as soon as she neared. Would I be able to stop it? Would I want to?

I tried the technique that Alice used on Jasper, I tried to see her a just a human.

She is the only daughter of Charlie Swan and his now ex-wife. Her name is Isabella Swan, though she corrected anyone who used her full name, preferring to be called Bella. She lived in Arizona. She was pale, almost as pale as us. She had long mahogany hair and large brown eyes.

She was pretty, if the thoughts of the male student body amounted to anything. Maybe it was her celebrity that made her beauty, or perhaps only enhanced it.

I shook these thoughts off. She was no one special.

She was just another human.

Like Alice saw, it started to snow midday. Jasper and Emmett took advantage to the lack of eyes and started a snow ball fight. Rosalie and Alice tried to stay away as we pelted each other with snow. As we were faster than humans, our snow balls were more like bullets and had anyone joined us, we probably would have killed them. We had to stop eventually when a teacher herded us into the cafeteria. The policy of the school was no snowball fights on school grounds, in the fear that the frozen water would kill us, or at the very least injure us. It was a joke to us-as if we could be killed by water!

Still, it was fun. I missed my family during my absence, it was nice to be in their presence again. Jasper and Emmett were already planning to continue their fight when we arrived home. Rosalie threatened to sit as far away from Emmett as possible, since he was wet and Rosalie hated to get wet. Jasper and Emmett responded by shaking themselves dry, like dogs. I let my brothers and sisters have their fun, it gave me the chance to find out more about Bella Swan.

I looked over at her table-trying to find some mind that was thinking about her. Most of the girls were done in their fascination with the new girl. They were tired of the attention she got from most of the boys, they were more concerned with their own lives now.

The boys thought what every boy thought about in high school-the thoughts were revolting. Yet none of them succeeded in wooing Bella Swan, she was not the girlfriend of any boy as far as I could tell. It was odd-she was every boy's fantasy-she could have her pick of any of the boys here. Why did she keep away?

She was quite the mystery.

I wanted to get to Biology before her-nothing that wasn't hard to accomplish. I waited. I hoped I hadn't scared her-what if she saw the monster that I truly was?

It wouldn't do to scare my lab partner, I thought wryly.

She came-the scent was unmistakably hers. In the ninety some years that I had been in existence, I was as ravenous as a new born.

I took a deep breath. I was not about to let my civility escape me.

She sat down, staring at the table. She was tense. Was she annoyed that she had to sit with me? Had I offended her that much?

I tried to be polite-I had to be.

"Hello. I'm sorry, I didn't get a chance to introduce myself last week. My name is Edward Cullen. You must be Bella Swan."

There. That was polite enough. I was taught to be polite and cordial to girls. I was a gentleman after all, even if it was a loose meaning of the word man.

She gaped at me as if I told her exactly what was in my thoughts-the succulent smell of her blood, how much I truly wanted to take her-right here, right now and I wasn't sure if I would even be repentant.

Were my thoughts really that loud?

Then she spoke. "How-how do you know my name?"

I laughed. Of all the things to be concerned about-that was it? She thought that she was completely invisible to me-that I wouldn't even bother to know her name?

I suppose it made sense. I hadn't spoken two words to her and now I was suddenly talking after a week's absence.

"I think everyone knows who you are." I should know, I thought. I could hear their thoughts after all.

She still seemed confused. "No. I mean-why did you call me Bella?"

I frowned. She corrected everyone who called her by her given name-she insisted on Bella. Was it too intimate? Did she consider me too much of a monster to call her so intimately? Maybe I shouldn't have called her that. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything at all.

"Do you prefer Isabella? I'm sorry-it's just-"

"No-no. My father-he must call me by Isabella behind my back. Everyone seems to know me as Isabella."

"Oh." I always knew what to say around humans-ninety years not only made me somewhat of an expert on human behavior, but I knew what they wanted to hear-their thoughts told me what to tell them and how to tell them. Without hearing Bella's thoughts, I was powerless. I felt awkward. I could anger her with a wrong word. She could never talk to my again, thanks to my clumsy attempts at conversation.

Why did I care?

Mr. Banner passed out the materials for the experiment. It was the same tired exercise about the various of stages of cell development.

I turned my attention to Bella. She looked as bored as I was, but still tried to be attentive. Did she just not care about science or had she done this before? She sounded intelligent, but she could be as empty as the other girls at this school. This experiment would be about more than cell development.

"Ladies first, partner?" I tried smiling. Like Carlisle, women tended to like my smile. I used it from time to time to get my way.

Bella merely gaped at me.

There was simply no pleasing this girl.


	3. Chapter 3

She shook her head. It was a subtle motion, but I noticed it immediately. Maybe she was affected by my presence.

"No. No, I'll start."

She adjusted the microscope, studying the slide. "Prophase."

I chuckled. She said it so confidently. Was she merely trying to impress me by saying the first cell phase that came to mind or did she truly know what she was talking about?

It was strange for me to have so many question about a person's response. This didn't happen. If I was able to read her mind…

This would be a lot easier.

"May I see?" I reached out my hand to stop her from moving the slide and experienced the most remarkable sensation of my existence.

I truly had never felt anything like it. It wasn't just the texture of her hand-her soft skin, the sheer warmness and vitality of it, but something stronger than that, it was like I had spent the previous years merely passing through, just muddling along, never really realizing I wasn't fully awake.

I was now.

The urge to take her was still there. I wanted her blood, I still fought that urge even satiated. But there was something else, something deeper than blood lust.

I shook it off. Impossible. I had not had human contact in so long, it must merely be that.

I knew I was lying.

I looked at her-part of myself hoping that she had felt the same spark, the other part hoping that it was merely my imagination.

There was nothing there, except for a blush to her cheeks. The monster raged at the obvious showing of her blood, but I felt my hope fall. She taken her hand away the second it had touched mine. She was repulsed, obviously.

There was nothing there.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. God-if she only knew how much! I'm sorry for being a monster. I'm sorry for repulsing you. I'm sorry that no matter what I do, it seems to make you hate me more.

I pulled the microscope towards me, hoping that she wouldn't notice the fact that I didn't need to adjust it at all, hoping she wouldn't realize the fact that I was a monster who could see two hundred times better than she could.

"Prophase," I murmured. She was right. It was terrible to me to even think it, but I was slightly surprised Most students had such trouble with the concept, for reasons beyond my comprehension. Perhaps they simply didn't look hard enough at the details.

It seemed obvious to me.

I wrote the answer on the sheet, hoping to get this lab over with.

I went onto the next slide, murmuring to myself the answer. I had almost forgotten she was there-the allure was most definitely there, but school made me go into an automatic state.

"May I?" came a tight voice.

I had to smile. She was affected. It wasn't just me. There was something comforting about it, knowing that I wasn't alone in feeling something so thoroughly strange.

I slid her the microscope, careful not to touch her again. I wasn't sure what would happen if I did.

When she bent down to look at the slide, her hair fell in front of her, intoxicating me with her scent once again. I felt my hands grip into fists. I had to conquer this impulse.

Her brow furrowed when she realized I was right. It concerned her immensely, apparently, that I was right. I wrote the answer down, taking her disconcertment as agreement. She held her hand out, apparently expecting me to hand her the next slide. I obliged her, putting it into her hands carefully. She declared it to be interphase, passing me the microscope before I even had a chance to recover for the renewed force of her scent.

Now that the lab was done I went back to my original plan of trying to figure out Bella Swan. It was so strange-I could hear the thoughts of everyone in the classroom-Mike Newton hated the fact that we were lab partners-most of the students were simply frustrated by the assignment, or simply did not care about where Bella Swan sat, except to perhaps comment that they wish they had me as a lab partner.

She was a puzzle. I looked directly at her, even though she hadn't realized it yet. Even with her guard down, I could not find a single thought of her own. She was obviously intelligent-her thoughts, whatever they were, would be copious and no doubt interesting.

She looked at me-she must have felt my gaze on her. A blush dusted her pale skin. It was attractive, even though the flaunting of her blood made me want to howl in frustration. She looked confused about something. I wanted her to desperately to say what was on her mind, no, I wanted to actually hear her mind so I could be rid of the mystery.

"Did you get contacts?"

I was startled by the question. What in heaven's name was she getting at?

"No," I said. Why was she asking?

Then I realized. My eyes. She must have remembered what my eyes looked like the first time we met-they would have been black. Because I hunted, they were now an amber color. She noticed. No one noticed before.

Why her?

My hands clenched into fists again.

As I tried to come up with a sufficient excuse as to why my eyes suddenly changed colors, Banner came over. 'Why aren't they working? Strange. It's like they don't even see each other. I hope I don't have to redo the seating chart because of their high school drama.' He looked at our paper, convinced that we weren't finished it. 'Edward Cullen's handwriting. Did he even let her look at the paper. He's so aloof, she probably just sat there and let him do it. I wonder if this class is too much for her.'

"Edward," he chastised. "Did you let Isabella do any of the work?"

"Bella," I corrected. I didn't realize what I said until I noticed her face alight with surprise. I was pleased by her reaction, though again I wished I knew what she was thinking.

"Actually, she identified three of the five."

'Unlikely,' the unpleasant man thought. He eyed Bella curiously. "Have you done this lab before?"

She blushed again, looking down at the desk. "Yes."

His eyes narrowed. He was curious now. "Whitefish bastula?"

Bella nodded. "Yes."

'Advanced placement, I'll bet," he thought. I wondered if she was. Anything to gather more information about her. She confirmed his suspicions.

"Well," he said. "I suppose it's good that you two are lab partners then. Now I have two completely bored students," he muttered the last part as he went off to examine the other labs. Bella showed no signs of hearing him though. It was probably a good thing, it would probably just make her ask more questions. Questions I could not even begin to answer.

There was more I wanted to know-I doubted that I would ever completely know Bella Swan. She seemed to be a walking contradiction.

She had expressed her displeasure to Newton about the snow. It was as good of a place as any to start.

"It's a pity about the snow, isn't it?"

I waited for her reaction. She was wary, like she wondered why I was bothering her with such prattle.

She shrugged. "Not really."

I frowned. That is not what she said to Newton, nor what she said to Jessica Stanley at lunch. Why the sudden change of mind? Was she merely being contrary, hoping to give me two word answers so I would leave her alone?

"You don't like the cold." She couldn't deny it. I saw her grimace at the thought of snow. Perhaps I could get farther with her by make pronouncements. She didn't respond any other way.

"Or the wet," she replied grudgingly.

What was she doing here then? "You must hate it here."

"You have no idea," she said.

She hadn't answered my question. Why was she here? A disagreement with her mother, sending her into exile?

She was fascinating. She was mysterious. No matter what I thought she would say, she said something completely different. I was pampered, I realized. I had relied on my gift for so long that I didn't know what it was like without it.

I had to ask her. I was tired of trying to be subtle with my questions, it wasn't going to work. Not with her.

"Why did you come here?" I cringed. I had better class than that.

She seemed startled by my brusqueness. I regretted being so harsh.

"It's…hard to explain."

"Try. I think I can keep up." I gazed at her face. There was so much pain, I wanted to find out what was causing her so much pain. Why did I care?

"My mother remarried." Her voice sounded so sad, like she had instead said her mother had died.

"That was so complex," I said. I was slightly disappointed, I expected, by her admission, that it was hard to understand. Then I remembered how sad she sounded. She must have been close to her mother. It pained her to be away from her. "When did that happen?"

"Last September."

Why the space in between? Perhaps there was discord between her and her stepfather.

"You don't like him." I ventured a guess.

She frowned again, giving it some thought. "No, he's fine. A little young, maybe, but he makes my mother happy."

Why, then? Why did you leave? If you aren't Cinderella, then who are you?

I didn't realize I had voiced my second question aloud. Again, she seemed surprised. Perhaps everyone had been just as subtle as I.

"He-Phil-travels a lot. For his job."

"Why does he travel?"

She rolled her eyes. It wasn't an obvious gesture, I doubted she even realized that she had made it. "He plays baseball."

I smiled. It was our favorite sport. "Have I heard of him?"

She made a face. "No, he's strictly minor league. He doesn't play well."

"So your mother sent you here." That was the most obvious conclusion.

That seemed to make her angry. I was surprised at the spark of anger in her eyes. She really did have the most expressive of faces.

"I sent myself," she said tightly. I was breaching a sensitive subject.

What? Why would she do that, send herself to a place that she obviously didn't like? It caused her pain. She did it for no reason.

"I don't understand," I admitted to her. She probably didn't realize how frustrating that was for me, but it was.

"It saddened her, being away from him. I didn't like seeing her so depressed when he was gone, so I decided to spend sometime with Charlie."

I frowned. No teenager was that self-sacrificing. They were selfish beings, as we all were. I was surprised that she did this-make herself unhappy for the sake of another's happiness.

"It makes you unhappy."

"And?" she challenged me.

"It's not fair. To you."

She laughed bitterly. She had a nice laugh, it would have been better if she was laughing out of merriment and not out of cynicism. "Life is not exactly fair, haven't you heard?"

I smiled out of bitterness too. "Yes, I have heard."

I continued to stare at her. It was remarkably rude, but I couldn't stop myself. She sacrificed her own happiness for the sake of her mother's. She didn't care for the stepfather. She hated Forks and hated being without her mother. She didn't realize she had every boy in school eating out of the palm of her hand and she was smarter than most of the students in the class.

Who, exactly, was Bella Swan?

She frowned, probably wondering why I was staring at her.

There was still the pain in her eyes. It was obvious I was the first person that she talked about this to in a while.

"You put on a good front, but I'm willing to bet that you're suffering more than you let on," I whispered to her. Her already huge eyes got even bigger. She grimaced, I had obviously been right. She looked down at her notebook.

"I'm right."

She scowled at me.

"I thought not." I rejoiced in being right about something when it concerned Bella Swan.

"Why do you care?" she snapped at me.

I grimaced. Perhaps my observations and my gloating had gone too far.

"I don't know," I whispered. I hoped she didn't hear me, actually.

She scowled at the blackboard, dissatisfied with my answer. Ha! Now she knew how it felt.

"Are you annoyed with me?" I had to ask her. Her face was so comical, as were her actions. I wish I could hear her thoughts-I imagined they would be just as entertaining as her actions.

She looked at me, curiously this time, all anger gone from her face. "No," she said after a while. "I'm annoyed with myself. I'm so easy to read. My mom-she calls me her open book."

The thought annoyed her. She frowned at it. Was it the thought of her mother or the thought of her being so transparent?

"I find you very difficult to read." If only she knew how much truth that had!

"You are a good reader, then," she said.

"Usually," I said with a smile. Usually I can hear the other's thoughts. I'm not blind as I am now.

Her eyes widened, her entire face changed. She was affected by my smiles. At least in that respect, she was like every other female. It was comforting.

The lecture for the day began, with less than half of class time left. No more conversing with Bella, at least for today and I was no where near unraveling her mystery. At least there were things I knew now-even if it led me to more questions. I was fascinated. She was a walking contradiction. She hated rain and snow but willingly decided to live in Forks. She possessed more maturity than most-she sacrificed her own happiness for her mother's.

I couldn't hear her thoughts.

And I wanted her blood more than I wanted anything else in the world-had ever wanted in the world.

The bell rang. I wanted more time with her-but I wouldn't be able to take much more of it. I left, I needed to.

There was always tomorrow.


	4. Chapter 4

Another day.

Rosalie was lamenting her hair, complaining about her split ends. Jasper and Emmett were in a heated argument about a snowball fight they had during the night. The only one who was quiet was Alice.

'Is something wrong?' I asked her.

She looked up. She was concerned about something, though what it was, she wouldn't let me know. She was masking her thoughts, translating what I was saying into Mandarin and then into Latin.

'Nothing. Everything is fine.' She gave me an unconvincing smile, still masking her thoughts.

I didn't think much of it, actually I had more important things to think about, like Bella Swan. She must hate today-the rain had turned into ice during the night, then snowed sometime during the early morning.

I smiled. She would absolutely hate it.

"Edward! Come on!" Rosalie said. She was exasperated.

Alice was still troubled when I appeared at the Volvo. I imagined that whatever it was, I would know by the end of the day.

It was easy to stay behind unnoticed. I wanted to see Bella's reaction to the snow and the ice. She would probably slip on it, she slipped on a stable flat surface after all.

I smiled in spite of myself.

I saw her truck make its way into the parking lot. I was surprised-surely something that antique would collapse.

She made her way out, looking as surprised as I was that she got there alive.

I was so busy looking at her that I didn't even notice until her face sickened in fear. She wasn't looking at me-she was looking behind me at Tyler Crowley's van that had lost control and was heading straight at her.

Had I had any blood, I imagine it would have drained out of my face.

Not her.

I didn't have time to analyze my reaction. I had to get her out of the way.

I couldn't let her die.

I ran to her, pushing her out of the way. She was so soft, so fragile in my arms. I had never held a human, not in protection.

I didn't want to let her go.

The van kept spinning, spinning towards Bella and I.

No. Not her.

I let out a low oath. I was about to apologize for my language, but I had to stop the van. I instinctively stop it with my hands, hoping it would be enough to stop it.

I knew enough about physics that it would stop, but it would crush Bella's legs.

I wouldn't let anything hurt her.

I used one hand to pull her out of the way. I didn't mean to drag her, but I had little choice. I used my other hand to stop the van.

It stopped, right where her legs had been a second ago.

Silence. Everyone was in shock. The screams would begin in a second. I had to come up with a story. I had to make sure Bella was alright.

I went to her. She was dazed, like she was trying to figure out what was happening and not succeeding. My rough handling of her probably gave her a concussion. I held her against me again. She would try to sit up. I couldn't let her, she might do more damage to herself that way. Besides, I liked the feel of her against me.

"Bella? Are you alright?" I asked her.

She blinked a few times. "I'm fine," she said, surprised that I would ask such a question. She was probably in shock. She tried to sit up. I held her tighter against me.

"Careful. You hit your head pretty hard on the pavement."

There was a pause before she answered. "Ow," she said in wonderment.

I tried hard not to laugh. Even injured she was a delight. "I thought so."

"How…" I waited for her to finish her question, already coming up with a story. "How did you get here so fast?"

Good Christ.

She remembered.

I could convince her. I had to convince her. "I was standing right next to you, Bella. Don't you remember?"

She struggled to sit up and I let her this time. I needed to, otherwise it would be harder for me to later.

I looked at her. She was still confused. Her pulse erratic, her skin pale.

She was beautiful.

She remembered.

They started coming to us. Teachers shouting instructions, students merely shouting. They were trying to get Crowley out of his van.

She tried to stand, I kept her where she was, telling her to stay still.

"But it's cold," she complained. I chuckled under my breath. She complained about the parking lot, but not the ice cold body that held her.

"You were over there," she said in wonderment. I braced myself. She said it with such certainty.

I had to convince her otherwise. "No, I wasn't. I was right next to you."

"I saw you," she insisted.

I looked into her eyes. "Bella, I was standing right next to you. I pulled you out of the way of the van."

She pursed her lips. "No," she disagreed.

I had to resort to begging. "Please, Bella."

"Why?"

"Trust me," I murmured.

Her eyes widened. I must have affected her again.

"Will you promise to tell me later?"

This was a bit much. "Fine," I snapped at her. She was so exasperating. Why couldn't she leave this alone?

"Fine." She snapped back.

Her father came, his thoughts frantic with fear. I wondered if Bella realized how much Chief Swan adored his daughter and feared that she would leave.

"Bella!" he yelled.

Bella sighed. "I'm fine, Char-Dad. There's nothing wrong with me."

I rolled my eyes. Only Bella.

Chief Swan gave little thought to me, his thoughts consumed with concern for his daughter.

He began interrogating the EMT. I was right, Bella had a concussion, no fracture, they wanted to take her to the hospital.

Carlisle.

I would have to explain this to him. To everyone.

'Edward! What the hell are you doing? You know the rules! You're exposing us!" Rosalie fumed at me.

Jasper and Emmett were just as furious. Alice was silent. She didn't chastise me, she merely assured me that we would talk when I got home.

They made me to go to the hospital too, though I was able to convince them there was no reason to check my vitals. I mentioned Carlisle, they eventually turned their attention to Tyler.

The police provided and escort to the hospital. Bella was furious.

I went to find Carlisle, I wanted him to hear about this from me, I wanted him to know that I had done this for justifiable reasons.

"Carlisle."

"Edward? What's wrong? What's going on?"

"There was a car accident at the school. Bella Swan was involved."

I could hear the slight panic in his head. "What happened?" he demanded.

"I pushed her out of the way of Tyler Crowley's van. He lost control. I had to save her."

"Was there any blood?"

I heard his indirect question. "No, no blood was spilled. I made sure of it. She has a concussion. I don't know about Crowley."

Carlisle nodded. "I'll check on her. Give me a few minutes, please."

I went to her room, I wanted to see her, hopeful that she forgot our argument, hopeful that she forgot what she saw.

Crowley was about to become her slave, his thoughts were filled with remorse and fear that she would never talk to him again. Bella was asleep. I wondered if that was wise, what if the concussion was serious enough that sleep would cause a coma?

No, her breathing was too even. She was faking. Probably because of Crowley. Even his thoughts were getting on my nerves.

"Is she asleep?" I asked him. Not that I really care what he thought, I merely wanted to alert her of my presence.

"Edward-I'm sorry, I didn't-"

I flicked my wrist at him. No wonder she feigned sleep.

"No harm done," I said, giving him a grin. I sat on his bed, more concerned about Bella. I smiled, she looked so put out that she was there in the first place.

"What's the verdict?" I asked her jokingly.

She frowned. "There is absolutely nothing wrong with me yet they won't let me go." She stopped, looking at me. "Why aren't you strapped to a bed like the rest of us?" she demanded.

I smiled at her. "All in who you know. But don't worry, I've come to help you escape."

Carlisle entered. Bella's eyes widened, I imagined like with every other female, she found Carlisle amazingly attractive. I felt a slight twinge of jealousy, shaking it off just as quickly as it entered my consciousness.

"Miss Swan. How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine," she said. There was something about the way she said it-it was too quick. She was lying.

Carlisle took a look at her x-rays. They showed no damage. She would be fine. I smiled. I was glad she wasn't hurt.

More glad than I had any right to be.

He inspected her head a bit more. 'You're lucky, Edward. She could have hurt her head pretty badly.'

He must of felt the bump, Bella winced.

"Tender?"

She shrugged. "Not really."

I laughed. Only Bella would play off a car accident. She scowled at me, only making me smile wider.

Carlisle continued to tell her that her father was here, that she could go home, to take it easy, to come back if she was dizzy.

Her eyes widened in fear. "Can't I go back to school?" she asked.

Carlisle frowned. "You should take it easy, just for today."

She pointed an accusatory finger at me. "Does he get to go?"

I smiled. I was enjoying provoking her. There was something enormously appealing about a mad Bella. So passionate…

Stop it.

I could not continue to think like this. I sounded like one of the animals that we were forced to go to school with.

"Someone has to tell the tale of your narrow escape and my heroic attempt to save you."

Carlisle looked at me questioningly. "Actually, most of the school is in the waiting room."

"Oh no," Bella moaned. The thought apparently distressed her greatly.

Carlisle looked at her. 'She is a very strange girl, Edward.' "Do you want to stay here?" he asked her.

"No!" she shouted. She collected herself. "No." She swung herself out of the bed. A mistake. She fell, Carlisle caught her. 'Maybe I'm missing something. Edward?'

'No, no, she's just being…Bella.'

'If you say so.'

"I'm fine," Bella insisted. I'm not sure who she was trying to convince.

Carlisle told her to take something for the pain, to which Bella replied that she was fine and that it didn't hurt.

"You're very lucky," Carlisle told her, signing her discharge.

Bella looked directly at me, though she spoke to Carlisle. "No, I was lucky to have Edward next to me."

Carlisle suddenly became fascinated with the chart. "Yes."

'We will talk later,' he assured me.

He turned his attentions to Crowley, who was in need of more help than Bella. She wasn't giving this up, that much was certain. What would it take to convince her otherwise?

She asked to speak with me. I pointed out that her father was waiting for her, his thoughts betrayed him to be convinced that she was at death's door.

She pressed the issue. "Alone."

I gritted my teeth. I walked down the room, unable to keep my gait as slow as hers.

"What do you want?" I demanded of her. What do you want with me? Why don't you leave me the well alone?

It scared her. I regretted my harshness, somewhat. "You owe me an explanation."

"I saved your life-I owe you nothing."

She looked like she was about to cry. "You promised," she whispered.

I took a breath. This had to work. "Bella, you hit your head. You are mistaken in what you think you saw. I was right next to you."

Her eyes lit again, like they did when I provoked her when Carlisle was examining her. "I am not! You were by your car, you were not right next to me!"

Why was this girl so stubborn? "What do you want from me?" Yes-what did this girl want from me? Why was she making this so difficult?

"I want the truth. I want to know why I'm lying for you."

"What exactly do you think happened?" I hissed.

"You weren't next to me-you weren't anywhere near me and Tyler didn't see you so it wasn't just me, don't tell me that I hit my head so hard that I can't remember-the van-it was going to crush us and it didn't-you stopped it and there was the imprint of your hands in the side of it and you left a dent in the other car and you're fine. How are you fine? The van should have crushed my legs, I shouldn't be walking but you held it up and pushed me out of the way and-" She stopped. She must have realized how bizarre it truly sounded.

I wondered if she realized how right it was.

I couldn't let her know this. I had to let her think that it was such a preposterous notion.

"You think I lifted a car off of you, Bella?"

Her eyes narrowed. "Yes."

"No one would believe you. It's crazy. You must know this."

"I'm not going to tell anyone," she insisted. She was angry though.

I was surprised. Why was she playing along, when she knew the truth. "Why do you care, then?"

"Because it matters. It matters to me. I don't like to lie. Not unless there isn't a good reason."

This was getting a little much. I had to end this conversation before I told her everything.

"Can't you just thank me like a normal, grateful person and be done with it?"

She looked like she was able ready to scream at me. "Thank you," she said through her teeth.

"You're not letting this go, are you?"

She stuck up her chin. "No."

I scowled even more. "In that case, I hope you're a fan of disappointment."

I was livid. I don't think I had ever been this furious at someone before. I wanted to…

I wasn't sure and that scared me more than anything.

If it was possible, Bella was more livid than I was. "Why did you even bother?" she asked me.

I felt like I was doused in ice water. Her words left me cold-me, a creature that felt like ice!

Why did I bother? Forget my previous assertion to myself that it was to save myself from witnessing her blood, but no.

Not her.

What was going on? Why did I care so much about Bella Swan.

"I don't know," I whispered to her.

I had to leave. Otherwise I would tell her everything-how I was a monster who thirsted for her blood, who thirsted for her on so many different levels.

I went home. I wanted to lock myself in my room and figure this out.

I wanted to rid myself of the fever in my blood that was Bella Swan.

"How could you?" Rosalie hissed.

"Leave me be, Rosalie," I hissed. I wasn't in the mood for her melodramatics.

"You exposed us, you fool! All over a silly little human! What were you thinking Edward?"

"God damn it, Rosalie, leave me be! We're safe, alright?"

"Edward! There is no cursing in this household. What is going on?" Esme asked.

"Edward," Rosalie sneered, "decided to play Superman and save his precious Bella Swan."

"Edward?" Esme turned to me questioningly.

"She was going to be hit by a car. He pushed her out of the way then stopped the car with his bare hands. He's exposed us, Esme," Rosalie said.

"Rose! That's enough. I want to hear what Edward has to say about this."

As much as it killed me to say it, I had to admit that Rosalie was right. "I did it to make sure that her blood was not spilled. Had I done nothing and her blood…" I trailed off. Esme would understand.

She looked at me with sympathy.

"We will wait until Carlisle comes home," she said decisively. "I trust that he has some idea about today's events?"

I nodded.

"Alright then. We will talk, as a family, when he gets home."

I sat in misery until that happened, listening to Linkin Park, hoping to rid myself of the anguish I felt.

"Edward. Please come down," I heard Carlisle say in his thoughts.

I came down. Esme was seated next to Emmett and Rosalie on the couch. Jasper sat in one of the armchairs, Alice-

She had seen.

That's why she had been acting so oddly. She had seen what had happened, she knew what was going to happen.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I hissed.

"Edward, I'm sorry, maybe I should have, but I hadn't known the specifics, only that Bella was going to die. I didn't want you to be there, I didn't want you to interfere. What if her blood had spilled?" She frowned, then brightened. "But it's going to be ok. She has an attraction to you, you know. So do you. To her. And it's going to be ok, because she isn't going to tell."

Esme smiled. This news pleased her. It distressed her greatly, knowing that I was alone.

The rest weren't so pleased. Rosalie was still furious, as were Jasper and Emmett. We could very well be exposed.

I couldn't believe how much I put them in danger.

I turned to face Carlisle. "What do you think?"

"You saved a human life. How can I condemn you for that? Yes, there is a risk, but you care for her, Edward. I saw you. You did what you had to do. I could not be prouder. Though I do wish that you hadn't gone about it in such an obvious manner."

"Carlisle!" Rosalie exclaimed.

"Rosalie," he said warningly. "This is not the time."

I was livid, once again. "What's the matter, Rose," I sneered, "are you mad that I saved her and no one was there to save you?"

"Edward!" Esme was shocked.

Rosalie looked like I slapped her. Emmett was ready to kill me, normally he tolerated the differences in opinion that Rosalie and I had, but I had crossed the line. I had hurt her.

"Edward, I think that you should perhaps step out for a while. Come back when you've calmed down."

I was disgusted with myself. I normally had the control not to bait her like that, using anyone's thoughts to directly harm them.

It was deplorable.

I decided to hunt. I was starting to thirst. I ran, letting myself think with my basic mind.

I let the predator, the monster, to take over. It gloried in being let out, able to reign over me as it wanted to. I let it, killing a deer with ease, with grace, even.

I felt better when I finished, yet I didn't want to go back.

It was dark, twilight had passed and now was the time where it was traditionally safe for the monsters to come out and play.

I realized that I was near Bella's house. Her father was thinking about her in his bedroom-he was worried about her concussion. He was thinking about checking on her, just to make sure she was alright.

I saw her bedroom in his mind-it was sparse, hardly lived in, even. There was a desk, a few books and a computer on it. A rocking chair was near the window, her bed across from the desk and rocking chair.

No, I had to stop this madness. I could not go into her room, I could not watch her sleep. What if she woke up?

I ran home, lingering on the porch, testing to hear the minds of my family. Alice and Jasper were…together. Emmett was trying to persuade Rosalie to come out of her bedroom, apparently she locked herself in it. I felt bad, upsetting her as much as I had. Esme and Carlisle were discussing me.

"Do you think that Alice is right, Carlisle? Could Bella be the one for Edward?"

He sighed. "I don't know, darling. I would always hope for Edward to have what you and I-what Alice and Jasper and Rosalie and Emmett-share, but she is human. There are…complications."

"But Alice-"

"I know."

Alice had another vision, one that no one was willing to discuss. What weren't they telling me?

"I want him to be happy, Carlisle. He's been so lonely for so long."

"I know, Esme, I know."

I made my presence known.

"Edward," Carlisle greeted. Esme nodded in greeting.

"You should apologize to Rose," she said to me.

"I know."

"May I talk to Edward alone, Esme?" Carlisle asked.

"Of course," she said, in the next second she'd disappeared.

"I assume you heard," Carlisle said.

I knew he meant his conversation with Esme. "Yes."

"Like Esme I want you to be happy, but you must understand that there are going to be complications."

"I do not intend to keep my friendship with Bella Swan. We will be acquaintances only."

Carlisle's eyebrows shot up in disbelief.

"You are right," I continued. "There are complications. I have put us in enough danger. She isn't worth it."

"If that is what you think is best. I only want what is best for you, Edward."

"I know. Thank you."

Carlisle studied me, hoping, I suppose to find a chink in my newly adorned armor.

As I walked to my room I heard his thoughts directed to me. "You can't stay alone forever, Edward."


	5. Chapter 5

I was anxious to get to school-probably for the first time in almost a century.

Alice came to my side. "You shouldn't be worried. She won't say anything."

I let out a breath. "I hope so."

Rosalie passed me in the hallway, not saying a word. Even her thoughts were blank. I hadn't had a chance to apologize to her yet. Emmett had his arm around her waist.

'You screwed up this time, Edward. Fix it.'

Rosalie and I rarely got along. Carlisle teased that we were like oil and water-predispositioned to not be able to get along. I felt remorse for my actions, I truly did.

But Rosalie was not likely to give me a chance to apologize.

I searched the minds of everyone Bella talked to. She kept her word, I was aghast to find out. Some expressed doubt that I was next to her, they didn't remember. Bella easily persuaded them otherwise.

I was astonished.

"I don't know why you are so surprised," Alice told me at lunch. "She said that she would keep her word."

I shrugged, not knowing what to say.

"You're being such a ninny, Edward."

I wanted to demand from Bella why she kept her word. I wanted to know why she insisted on the truth when she told the lie. I wanted to know why I couldn't read her mind. I wanted to know why I wanted to spend every moment with her.

Her scent hit me again. The venom spilled in to my mouth, my teeth longed to sink into her skin.

I hated myself.

She was wise to not talk to me today-I thought that I had conquered the monster, yet he raged inside me, wanting desperately to take her.

I ran after school, wanting to forget the day. I should have been happy, Bella had kept her promise and we wouldn't have to leave suddenly in the middle of the night. Yet I was miserable.

I came home, finding the house empty. Carlisle was still at work, Esme at a meeting of hers, Jasper, Alice and Emmett had gone hunting.

Rosalie was in her room, trying to find an outfit for tomorrow. I felt that I should apologize for my behavior yesterday, it was remarkably ungentlemanly of me.

"Rosalie?"

"What do you want, Edward?" She asked me irriatably.

"I wanted to apologize for yesterday."

"Oh."

"It was extremely uncalled for-what I said to you. I'm sorry."

"Thank you."

"You were right, you know," she whispered. "I wish someone had been there for me."

"I know, Rose."

I left quietly, leaving her alone with her thoughts. Of all of us, Rosalie had the hardest time accepting what she was.

I wondered what Bella Swan was doing-no. I couldn't think about her. I saved her once, now I had to leave her life. She was safer without me complicating things.

As much as I wanted it to be otherwise.

I played my piano. I hadn't played in so long, I realized. I picked it out of boredom, needed something to fill my time. I let the music take over, letting my mind wander, letting it work itself out. I found myself thinking about Bella again, her facial expressions, the way she smelled, her bizarre reactions to things.

"It's beautiful, Edward," Esme said behind me.

"Hmmm?"

"The piece you were playing. I think that is one of your best."

I hadn't noticed. I hoped that I would be able to replicate it.

"Rosalie told me you apologized to her."

"Yes."

"I'm glad. I hated seeing Rose so upset."

"Emmett will be happy."

Esme smiled. "Yes, he will. He would do anything for her."

She smiled at me again, gliding upstairs. She thought me smitten with Bella Swan. She wanted me to be happy and she thought Bella made me happy.

Bella made me miserable.

It wasn't her fault. If I had been normal, if I had been human, then I would be able to spend my time with her. I would be able to talk to her, be with her and not fear that in one second I could kill her.

I started to hate school again. It meant that I would see her-it was like an alcoholic being forced to enter a liquor store for a good part of his day.

There was a dance coming up-girl's choice. I wondered how many dates one could realistically have, as it seemed that Bella Swan's admirer all planned to ask her. Newton was first. He made sure that he got to class early so that he could chat with Bella before Biology started. He practically did cartwheels in his head, ecstatic that Bella and I were not going out. He was planning to have it stay that way.

"So," 'keep your cool ,man, keep your cool,' "Jessica asked me to the dance."

"That's great! You guys will have a lot of fun."

My interest was piqued. Why wasn't she accepting his offer? She seemed friendly enough to him.

She would be safer with him.

I left that errant thought, concentrating on the conversation between Bella and Mike.

"Why did you do that, Mike?" Bella asked. She was angry-her brow was furrowed and she was frowning.

'Because I wanted you to ask me!' his head screamed. He merely shrugged and turned red.

"Well, I was wondering-if you were going to ask me."

My God-how I wanted to know what she was thinking! I wanted to know how she felt about him, about me-

I needed to stop thinking this way.

She looked at me and I knew that she had no feelings towards Mike.

"I think you should tell her yes."

I was elated. I wanted to laugh in delight-she had turned down Newton.

Newton looked at me-hatred in his eyes. 'Damn it, I bet she asked Cullen.'

"Are you going with someone."

"No," she said firmly. "I'm not going to the dance."

'What? Why is she lying?'

Newton was a fool. She was telling the truth.

"Why not?"

She shrugged, looking down at her hands. "I'm going to Seattle that day."

'So?' "Can't you go another weekend?"

"No, I'm afraid not. You should go tell Jessica you'll go with her. It's rude to keep her waiting."

'She thinks she's too good for us-just like the Cullens.' Newton thought. He was justifying. His ego was hurt.

"Yeah, ok."

Why did she do that?

I openly stared at her-not caring if she saw, not caring if anyone saw. I found myself wondering what she was thinking-wondering what her feelings were, wondering what my feelings were for that matter.

There was always a prevailing thirst in being a vampire. Above all, I craved blood.

Now I felt other things, primarily jealousy. I never felt the sheer possessiveness of the emotion, how much I wanted to grab hold of Bella and proclaim her mine and no one else's.

I couldn't ignore her anymore.

It was as simple as that.

"Mr. Cullen?" 'Finally, Cullen isn't able to answer a question. Finally, they aren't so perfect.

"The Krebs Cycle."


	6. Chapter 6

Mr. Banner continued to try to find a fault, eventually giving up to continue the lecture.

Bella continued to stare at me-I didn't want to look away.

I never wanted to look away.

I continued to wonder what made her say no to Newton. Every boy in the school wanted her. Why wasn't she involved with someone?

The bell rang. Before I realized what I was doing, I spoke.

"Bella?"

She froze. I thought she would ignore me. The thought was devastating-the thought that there would be a wall between us, a wall she erected because she wanted nothing to do with me.

"What? Finally speaking to me again?" The petulance in her voice was unmistakable. It was amusing, I forced the smile to not show itself.

"No, not really."

She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. Was I really that horrible to look at? Did she see the monster where others saw beauty?

I wanted her to look at me. I wanted her to see me-the man behind the monster.

"What do you want, Edward?"

What did I want? I wanted to spend every moment with her. I wanted to figure out the mystery that was Bella Swan.

I wanted to conquer the bloodlust I felt for her.

I had to apologize to her. I had to make her see it was better this way, no matter how much it hurt. "I'm sorry. I know I'm being rude. Please, it's better this way."

Her eyes opened, unveiling the hurt that my words caused. I wanted to beg her forgiveness, I wanted to tell her that if I could have it any other way, I would.

"I don't know what you mean," she said, controlling the emotion in her voice.

She dug the dagger a little deeper. I had to do this. It was better this way. "It's better if we're not friends."

Her eyes flashed with anger, the two volatile emotions creating storms in her eyes. "It's too bad you didn't figure that out sooner," she hissed, "you could have saved yourself a lot of regret."

What in heaven's name was she talking about? "Regret? What do you mean?"

She looked at me like I was a simpleton. "For not letting that stupid van crush me."

Of all the stupid-how could she-didn't she realize-"You think I regret saving your life?" I wanted to strangle her.

Bella was almost as mad as I. "I know you do," she snapped.

How could she? Didn't she realize how much I gambled to keep her alive?

She was an idiot. She truly was an idiot.

"You don't know anything," I hissed.

She wanted to tell me that I was wrong, yet she clenched her jaw, grabbing her books and attempting a dramatic exit.

She tripped, her books went flying.

Out of instinct, I collected them, having them in a stack before she even realized what I'd done.

"Thank you," she snapped.

I glared at her, I had yet to fully internalize her accusation. "You're welcome."

I wanted to throw my fist into a wall-anything to satiate the fury that I felt.

How could she think that I wanted her dead? If her blood had spilled-I would have exposed my family and while we did not live in the times of witch hunts, we were not accepted in normal society.

I would have never seen her blush again, never watch her eyes light in anger, never hear her mystifying responses to my questions, each answer blossom into a thousand more questions.

I wanted her. Not just her blood, but her. I wanted to spend every moment with her.

I couldn't. I wasn't sure if I could keep myself in check around her. Even then, she would start to ask questions and I would want to answer. I would have to watch her grow, watch her move on with her life as I stayed the same, eventually having to leave, only to return after everyone else was dead.

She had her whole life ahead of her.

I wouldn't sully that for her.

The school day finally ended. I made my way to the Volvo, wondering why my brothers and sisters weren't around also.

'We're coming, Edward. You wouldn't want us around anyway,' Alice said, answering my unspoken question.

I saw a boy named Eric-he was in Bella's English class-sulk away. He'd asked Bella to the dance, with the finesse of a bull. Eric was replaying the scene is his head, it was quite amusing.

I felt Bella's gaze on me-I felt another surge of anger at her assumption of my heartlessness.

Then I heard Crowley's intentions.

'She's turned down Mike. That has to be a good sign. He's too pretty anyway. Didn't Jessica Stanley ask him? Oh well. Maybe she was planning to ask me. Mike was talking about how she probably asked Cullen, but-'

I couldn't listen anymore. I got into the Volvo, cutting in front of her, wanting to watch to see what she would say to Crowley.

There was a line forming behind her. Crowley made his move.

"I'm sorry, Tyler, I'm stuck behind Cullen."

Crowley grinned. "It's ok. I wanted to ask you something, while we wait here."

She looked irritated. "What?"

Crowley mistook her irritation for interest. "Will you ask me to the spring dance?" 'Say yes, come on, say yes.'

"I'm sorry, Tyler, I won't be in town that day," her voice was sharp.

'Keep your cool, girls like confidence.' "Yeah, Mike said that you told him-"

"Then why did you bother asking?"

'Crap. She's angry.' "I thought maybe you were letting him down easy."

Her irritation was radiant. How could Crowley not feel it. "I really am going to be out of town, Tyler."

'Deep breath, Tyler, deep breath.' "It's ok, we still have prom."

Her eyes flashed with anger again. I couldn't help but laugh.

"What's so funny?" Jasper demanded.

"Nothing," I said between laughs, speeding towards home.

"It's that Swan girl again," Rosalie said. "You created a backup to watch the Swan girl."

"Why?" Emmett asked. "She isn't that remarkable."

"Edward likes her," Rosalie explained. "After all, he almost exposed us for her. If that's not love, I'm not sure what is."

"I enjoy being talked about like I'm not driving," I said irritably. I wished they weren't so flippant about Bella. The situation was a difficult one.

"Edward, I could have told you that she was interested in you. Did you really have to be completely dense?" Alice asked me.

I gritted my teeth. Alice's gifted could get annoying.

"Do you really have to go hunting tonight, Edward?" Alice continued

"Again?" Rosalie asked. "You hunted two days ago!"

"I need to," I said tightly. "If I'm going to be around her, I cannot possibly be thirsty."

"This is an awful lot of trouble for a human," Jasper complained. "Can't Edward-"

I snarled, snapping my teeth at him.

"Edward!" Alice yelled. "Stop it!"

"You're in love with her," Rosalie said in wonder. "I thought it was an obsession with her blood-but you truly love her."

I didn't answer her. I couldn't deny it but I didn't want to confirm it.

"I apologize for my behavior," I told Jasper. "It was an overreaction."

"It's ok, little brother. All of us are protective of our mates."

"She is not-"

"Oh, Edward, give it a rest. She is," Alice said. "I see it."

For once, I didn't want to know what else she saw.

"What is going on?" Esme asked. Concentrated as I was on the revelations my sisters offered me, I had not noticed her presence.

"Edward is in love with a human," Rosalie sing-songed, leading Emmett upstairs.

"She's very nice though," Alice mused. "It will be fun."

"What will be fun, Alice?" I asked her tightly.

'I'm not sure that I should tell you.'

"Tell me."

"She's going to be one of us, Edward."


	7. Chapter 7

I couldn't see-I couldn't think. My head was filled with images, Bella-stone cold, Bella, her already pale skin even paler. I would never see her blush again. I would take away her very essence, I would take away her life.

I could not kill her.

"Edward?" Esme asked hesitantly.

I noticed the faces of my family-then I was able to hear their thoughts.

They were afraid of me. The only reason why I was even feeling calm right now was because of Jasper.

"I'm fine," I told them. "I'm fine."

'I've never seen him react that strongly. I wonder if Rose and Alice are right…' Jasper thought. He met my gaze and his thoughts suddenly turned elsewhere.

"I'm going hunting."

My heart wasn't in hunting. Thirst drove it to an extent, but I was more worried about other things. I had never seen Esme look so scared before. I had a temper, but I had it under control. Despite my bout of rebellion, I was the epitome of filial responsibility. I strove to have Carlisle and Esme's pride, I wanted to show them that I truly believe in Carlisle's lifestyle.

What if Alice was right? Or Rosalie for that matter? Was I truly in love with Bella?

Impossible. She was a human. I craved her blood.

I couldn't leave her alone.

I seethed with rage at the thought of her becoming one of us-not because of my objection to her company, but rather because it would kill her.

I was overly concerned with her romantic suitors, jubilant that she turned them down.

I found myself at her house, not even realizing that I ran to it.

It was late, by human standards, certainly deep into the night. Her father was asleep, as was Bella.

I wanted to see her. I wondered if she was as mysterious in slumber as she was awake.

I couldn't do this. I couldn't enter her room without her permission. I couldn't, because it was wrong of me. What if the monster suddenly gained control and I couldn't stop myself?

I wanted to see her. It had been too long since I had seen her last.

Her room was barely lived in. It looked more like a hotel room, or a vacation room.

She was reading Jane Austen. There were a stack of CDs by her CD player.

I was tempted to see what she listened to, I almost looked at the first CD on top.

"Edward?"

I turned, startled. How was I going to explain?

She mumbled something, then sighed, still asleep.

I went to her, stroking a lock of hair out of the way to see her face completely. The smell was exquisite, I was glad I had hunted before coming-though I still had to control myself.

I didn't want to harm her-I wanted to watch her more, hoping that she would talk more.

It started to rain-it caused her to stir again.

"It's too green," she complained.

I chuckled. Even in her unconscious, Bella was still aware of her surroundings

I was smiling in spite of myself. She had said my name. I wanted her to say it again-and again.

She said it a few more times, most of the time it was a question. Bella was the type to have a million questions. She was inquisitive.

I would have to be careful. I would tell her anything-I would tell her that I was a vampire, I would tell her all about my family if she asked.

All she would have to do is ask.

I left when her father left for work. I wanted to spend more time with her, but I wouldn't be able to explain my presence.

I found myself in Esme's death grip when I arrived home.

"What kept you?" she demanded.

"He was at Bella's," Alice announced. Esme looked at me in alarm.

"Oh, it's ok. He didn't bite her. He was good," Alice said with a smile. "When are we going to meet her Edward? I keep seeing her in your mind. It's only fair I get to meet my future sister."

"Alice," Esme warned her. 'Please don't make Edward angry.'

"It's alright, Esme," I said.

She smiled. "If Bella makes you happy, then I would readily welcome her into our family."

"We're not welcoming her into our family," I snapped.

Alice rolled her eyes, muttering "yeah, right."

I couldn't keep away from her. We still had a year and a half of high school. Then she would go to college and live her life. It was a brief interlude, but I would take it.

She dropped her keys, not noticing that I was there. I grabbed her keys, holding them out to her.

She looked at me in wonder, then in irritation. "How do you do that?" she demanded.

"Do what?" I dropped her keys in her palm, resisting the urge to touch her hand, to caress her palm under the guise of handing her something.

"Appear out of thin air!"

I rolled my eyes, "Bella, it's not my fault you are exceptionally unobservant."

She looked at me-an obvious emotion on her face that I could describe. Her chocolate eyes melted, getting slightly wider, glazing over as I held her stare.

She looked down, breaking the spell. "Why the traffic jam last night?" She demanded again. She wouldn't meet my gaze. "I thought you were pretending I didn't exist, not irritating me to death."

I laughed, overjoyed that she wasn't charmed by her suitor's efforts. "It was for Tyler's sake, not mine. I had to give him his chance."

She blushed, her eyes wide in anger. "You-" She was lost for words in her anger. It made me smile even more.

"I'm not pretending you don't exist," I admitted. If only she knew the truth-that I snuck into her bedroom to watch her sleep-that I couldn't keep away from her, as much as I should.

"So you are trying to irritate me to death, since Tyler's van didn't do the job?"

She still thought that I wanted her dead? The anger surged through me. I wanted to convince her, beyond a shadow of a doubt, how very much I truly wanted her alive. If only my demonstrations wouldn't kill her. I would give anything to show her how much-

She was staring at me, probably thinking I was only confirming her bizarre notion that I wanted her dead.

"Bella, you are utterly absurd."

She continued to stare, anger still in her eyes. She walked away.

"Wait!" I called to her. I ran to her.

"I'm sorry, that was rude." There. An apology. "I'm not saying it's not true, but it was rude to acknowledge it."

She sighed, still mad. "Why won't you leave me alone?"

"I wanted to ask you something," I told her. "You sidetracked me."

She looked at me skeptically. "Do you have multiple personality disorder or something?"

"You're doing it again."

She sighed. "Fine then. What do you want to ask?"

For once in my life I was nervous. I had more sympathy for her suitors now-it was amazingly frightening to put my metaphorical heart on the line, to watch her accept it or smash it into pieces. "I was wondering, if, a week from Saturday-you know, the day of the dance," I was stalling, hoping to gather my thoughts, hoping to dazzle her like I dazzled most humans when necessary.

She wheeled around, almost losing her balance to face me. "Are you trying to be funny?" She asked incredulously.

I couldn't help teasing her in my stalling, leading her mind to think I was asking her to the dance.

"Will you please allow me to finish?"

She looked down, biting her lip and clasping her hands. The biting caused the blood to rush to the surface of her lips, making them a cherry red.

No, I had to continue with my task.

I tried to be nonchalant, even though I was more nervous than I had ever been. "I heard you say that you were going to Seattle that day and I was wondering if you wanted a ride."

She looked surprised. Did she want to go to the dance with me?

"What?" she finally asked.

This wasn't boding well. "Do you want a ride to Seattle?"

"With who?" she asked, completely mystified.

With ME, I wanted to scream. I want to be with you. I want to spend hours in a car, just to torture myself because I can't stay away from you, even if I tried.

"Myself, obviously," I enunciated every syllable, to make it perfectly clear to her.

Her face was still blank. "Why?"

I scrambled to find an excuse. Had I been to presumptuous? "Well, I was planning to go to Seattle in the next few weeks and, to be honest, I'm not sure if your truck can make it." It was true. I was surprised every morning when she made it to the parking lot in her antique.

She puffed out her chest, it was ungentlemanly for me to look, but I couldn't help but notice. "My truck works just fine, thank you very much for your concern," the sarcasm dripped from her voice as she tried to walk away again.

"But can your truck make it there on one tank of gas?" I pressed.

She humphed. "I don't see how that's any of your business," she said icily.

I smiled in spite of myself. Sparring with her was quite possibly the most mentally invigorating I had done in a long time.

"The wasting of finite resources is everyone's business."

"Honestly, Edward," I smiled as she said my name. It was a joy to hear it-in her sleep or now, it was music. "I can't keep up with you. I thought you didn't want to be my friend."

"I said it would be better if we weren't friends, not that I didn't want to be."

"Oh, thanks, now that's all cleared up," the sarcasm dripped from her voice again.

She looked into my face. I wanted to lean in-to smell the scent of her skin, to touch the warmth that radiated from her.

"It would be more…" what was the word? "prudent for you not to be my friend." I leaned closer, just a fraction of an inch, nothing that she would notice, nothing that would frighten her. "I'm tired of trying to stay away from you." It was true, I was tired. Not in a physical sense, I didn't need sleep. But I was mentally tired-I wanted to stop forcing myself into hell. I was already a damned creature, I did not need to create a personal hell. I couldn't stay away from her-I wouldn't.

I wanted her.

She stopped breathing. I felt satisfaction that I could make her feel that way. I had her. She would agree to everything I said. I asked her again.

"Will you go with me to Seattle?"

She nodded., her eyes still wide.

I smiled, triumphant. Bella was an extraordinary creature, but she was human. She didn't stand a chance against me.

Monster that I was.

"You really should stay away from me. I'll see you in class."

I walked away, leaving Bella spellbound in my wake.


	8. Chapter 8

It was harder than ever for me to concentrate-no matter how much I wanted to look attentive, my mind wandered to Bella, listening to everyone she talked to, wondering if she would bring my proposal into the conversation.

She was quiet. She didn't talk to anyone, people talked to her. Jessica Stanley wondered what was going on-for a brief second, had I not been concentrating I would have missed it, then went back to the banality of the dance.

I waited for her at lunch, hoping that she would sit with me. I picked a table farthest away from my family-I could still hear them,, but honestly I didn't want to expose Bella to them just yet. Rosalie would be openly hostile and I didn't want to make it harder for Jasper-if I had to fight every single second to keep control, how could I ask my brother-who had more trouble than I-to do the same?

Bella looked worried and slightly bored-I couldn't blame her-Jessica's pontificating was wearing.

She was looking around, searching for me, I hoped, even if that hoping was in vain.

Her gaze settled on my usual table, my family already sitting there. Was that panic in her eyes? Was she worried that I wasn't there or worried that I was going to be?

It was too presumptuous to ask her to accompany her to Seattle. I should have approached her more slowly-build up to spending time with her outside of school.

I watched her sit down-she seemed particularly put out about something. I continued to watch her-her arms crossed, lips in a slight pout, her fragrant hair creating a curtain around her. I wonder if she realized how beautiful she was. The thought should have alarmed me-I was becoming more attached ot her and yet I cared very little.

"Edward Cullen is staring at you again," Jessica Stanley informed her. 'Why does he stare at her like that-why can't he stare at me. She's really not all that special. Kind of spacey, actually.'

"I wonder why he is sitting alone today."

Bella looked up-startled by Jessica's observation.

I crooked my finger, motioning for her to come sit with me.

She stayed where she was-completely motionless.

I smiled, mostly because of Jessica's thoughts-'He cannot possibly mean Bella. Maybe he means-"

I let out a low growl. She could not possibly be that stupid.

"Does he mean you?" she asked stupidly.

Bella continued to stare at me.

Yes, Bella, I mean you. Please come over.

"Maybe he needs help with his biology homework. I better go see what he wants," she said shakily.

Good.

I smiled. I shouldn't see it is winning but I couldn't help it. She was going to sit with me today-she wasn't going to sit with those insipid children-particularly Newton, who had finally noticed Bella's depature.

She approached the table-standing across the table from where I was sitting.

"Why don't you sit with me today?" I asked her, trying to be as charming as possible.

She sat down immediately. An obedient Bella was rare. And amusing.

I waited for her to say something. I truth I wasn't sure what to say-I wished I could read her thoughts, to gain a sense of direction.

I was a blind man.

"This is different," she said. She sounded as blind as I.

The blind leading the blind.

"Well," I looked at her-suddenly finding myself talking. "I decided as long as I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly."

She looked at me questioningly. I realized I probably sounded as mad as a hatter.

"You know, I don't have any idea what you mean," she said.

"I know," I smiled. Stay that way Bella, stay innocent of my monstrosity.

I caught some of the vitriol spewing from Newton. He was fantasizing beating me up.

"I think your friends are angry with me for stealing you."

"They'll survive," she said.

Good. She didn't care what they thought. She didn't care about them.

"I may not give you back though." The thought was appealing.

She gulped. I watched her beautiful throat dance with the movement.

Oddly, she didn't look upset at the notion. She was rather intrigued.

"You looked worried."

"No," her voice lilted. "surprised, actually…what brought all this on?"

"I told you, I got tired of trying to stay away from you. So I'm giving up."

Her brow knitted in confusion. "Giving up?"

"Yes-giving up trying to be good. I'm just going to do what I want now and let the chips fall where they may."

What was I doing? This was selfish of me. I could damn myself, I couldn't damn her.

"You lost me again."

I smiled, happy that her innocence did not allow her to see me for what I was. "I always say too much when I'm talking to you-that's one of my problems."

"Don't worry-I don't understand any of it."

I smiled., savoring the truth I was about to say that she wouldn't understand. "I'm counting on that."

She looked down for a second. "So, in plain English, are we friends now?"

"Friends…" did the moniker fit my obsession, my need to be with her every second of the day? Did it fit my love for Bella Swan?

"Or not," she muttered. Taking my lapse into silence as dislike for the term.

"Well, we can try, I suppose. But I'm warning you now that I'm not a good friend for you."

As much as I detested Newton, I doubted he thirsted for her blood.

"You say that a lot," she said.

"Yes, because you're not listening to me. I'm still waiting for you to believe me. If you're smart, you'll avoid me."

As much as I would rue the day, on day she would run away screaming.

She scowled. "I think you've made your opinion on the subject of my intellect clear too."

I smiled apologetically. She was intelligent-but there was a difference between survival instinct and intelligence.

"So-as long as I'm being…not smart, we'll try to be friends?"

"That sounds about right."

She looked down at her hands. Dead air permeating the space between us.

"What are you thinking?" I wanted to know. I wanted to know everything about her.

She looked at my face, into my eyes. I found myself lost in them-a cliché I once thought trite and false.

"I'm trying to figure out what you are."

No. Bella, no.

"Are you having any luck with that?"

"Not too much."

Good. I chuckled. "What are you theories?"

She blushed, the blood dusting her face a beautiful rose color.

I would need to try harder. "Won't you tell me?"

I smiled as warmly as I could, which was easier than I thought it would be.

She shook her head, resisting. "Too embarrassing."

I sighed, wishing that I didn't have to rely on her spoken word. "That's really frustrating, you know."

She scowled again, her eyes lighting in anger. "No, I can't imagine why that would be frustrating, Just because someone refuses to tell you what they're thinking, even if all the while they're making cryptic little remarks specifically designed to keep you up at night, wondering what they could possibly mean…now, why would that be frustrating?"

I grimaced. I had my fun, admittedly, provoking her, making her eyes light and the color rise in her face. But I was causing her anguish-causing her to lose sleep.

As flattering as it was, I really should disengage.

I couldn't.

She continued, unaware that I was in a reverie. "Or better, say that person also did a wide range of bizarre things-from saving your life under impossible circumstances one day to treating you like a pariah the next and he never explained any of that, either, even after he promised. That, also, would be very non-frustrating."

I regarded her for the first time in our acquaintance as not just the object of my bloodlust and obsession. Yes, that was always and would continue to be the underlying current to my attraction, but Bella suddenly became…

I always saw her as a person. I was not so much of a pig as that and I enjoyed sparing with her. Her reactions were a delight, the words that came out of her mouth fascinating, tempting me to find out more. But there was something more now-my analysis of her had been completely selfish, now I saw myself as much of a complication in her life as she was in mine.

I maddened her. As much as I was maddened by the fact that I couldn't read her mind, she was maddened by my admittedly odd behavior.

I would make it up to her.

"You've got a bit of a temper, don't you?" I had seen her upset, but this was a different storm of emotion from her.

"I don't like double standards."

I looked passed her, catching a fantasy playing out in Newton's head. Apparently, Bella was in need of saving and being the good Samaritan that he was, he would readily do so. He fashioned Bella to be a damsel in distress.

While she was in definite need of saving from me, she was anything but a damsel in distress.

I laughed. I doubted Newton would be able to handle Bella, especially when she was in a mood.

"What?" she demanded.

"Your boyfriend seems to think I'm being unpleasant to you-he's debating whether or not to come break up our fight."

I snickered again. I would love to see him try.

"I don't know what you're talking about," her voice was as icy as my body. "But I'm sure you're wrong anyway."

I smiled, confident that I wasn't. "I'm not. I told you, most people are easy to read."

"Except me," she pointed out.

I nodded, acknowledging her point. "Yes. Except you." My life would be so much easier-wooing you would be so much easier-if it wasn't for that. "I wonder why that is."

I looked into her eyes. Why would she be the one that I couldn't hear-the one mystery I couldn't solve?

She blushed again, looking down, distracting herself with the lid to her lemonade.

I realized that she hadn't eaten anything. She had to be hungry.

"Aren't you hungry?"

"No."

I heard her stomach growl. She was lying.

"You?" She asked politely.

Yes, yes I was, but for something that I'm not willing to take. "No, I'm not hungry."

"Can you do me a favor?" she asked suddenly.

I would do anything you ask. "That depends on what you want."

"It's not much," she said quickly.

I imagine the devil said the same about his requests.

"I just wondered-if you could warn me before hand the next time you decide to ignore me for my own good. Just so I'm prepared."

She wouldn't look at me-suddenly she seemed more vulnerable and fragile than ever before. She was asking me not to hurt her, not to confuse more than I already was.

She started to play with the lid again. I wondered if she realized how distracting she was, how much I wouldn't be able to ignore her.

As if I could.

I laughed, laughed in delight of her presence, laughed at the sheer absurdity of being able to ignore her.

"That sounds fair," I conceded.

"Thanks."

"Then can I have one answer in return?"

"One."

"Tell me one theory." I had to know. I had to know if she had an inkling of the monster she was dealing with.

She looked panicked. "Not that one."

I smiled, happy to have her one a technicality. "You didn't qualify, you just promised one answer."

"And you've broken promises yourself," she countered.

"Just one theory, I promised I won't laugh."

"Yes you will," she insisted.

She needed to be persuaded. I looked down, slowly bringing my gaze back up to hers-it was a move I tended to use on females that needed persuading.

I leaned closer. It killed me to, the scent was so powerful. Her heart rate rose.

"Please?" I said softly.

She blinked, her eyes wide.

"Um…what?" She asked blankly.

"Please tell me just one little theory," I breathed, leaning just a little closer.

'Oh mi god, he's going to kiss her!' Jessica Stanley squealed in her head.

I wondered if Bella thought the same. I wondered what would happen if she moved herself closer to me.

"Um," she said breathlessly, "bitten by a radioactive spider?"

She thought I was Peter Parker? "That's not very creative."

"I'm sorry, that's all I've got," she said, offended.

"You're not even close."

"No spiders?"

"Nope."

"No radioactivity?"

"None."

"Dang," she sighed.

"Kryptonite doesn't bother me either," I pointed out, unable to resist teasing her.

"You're not supposed to laugh, remember?" she reminded me.

"I'll figure it out eventually," she threatened.

"I wish you wouldn't try."

"Because?"

"What if I'm not a superhero? What if I'm the bad guy?" Instead of Peter Parker and Superman, I was the Green Goblin and Lex Luthor.

"Oh," she said, comprehension shining in her voice, "I see."

Oh, God. Did she…"do you?"

"You're dangerous?"

I let out my breath. There was relief, yes, but I was still upset. I didn't want her to see me as I was. I didn't want her to see the monster.

"But not bad," she whispered. She paused, shaking her head. "No, I don't believe you're bad."

She was offering me redemption. She wanted to make me better than I was.

A monster who thirsted for her blood. Who had once tasted human blood and who would never see the age of twenty.

Nothing could redeem me.

"You're wrong," I whispered.

I couldn't look at her. I was always aware of what I was but now I was acutely aware-it was painful, knowing that I could never have what I wanted more than anything else in the world.

"We're going to be late," she said, jumping to her feet.

"I'm not going to class today," I said to the lid that I was playing with.

"Why not?"

Because the sight of all that blood would be too tempting. "It's healthy to skip class now and then."

I smiled at my own joke.

"Well, I'm going," she informed me.

I turned my attention back to the lid, trying to maintain my control. "I'll see you later then."

She hesitated, continuing to watch me. The bell rang and she left, leaving me to my thoughts.

There was blood testing today in biology. Not only would it be hard to handle myself with the exposed blood, but it would be hard to explain why I couldn't prick myself.

Bella was frustrating. Decades of work, trying to make up for my lapse in judgment and I wanted to throw it all away-for her. I wanted to tell her what I was, praying that she would accept me anyway.

Love me anyway.

I wondered what kissing her would be like. Soft, as beautiful as the scent that came from her.

I doubted that she felt that way about me. Yes, there was a fascination, but who wasn't fascinated by the Cullens? I doubted she wanted anything more than friendship and one day, she would realize what a freak I was and I would lose her. Though how could one lose something he never possessed to begin with?

I went to my car, putting on my Debussy cd, hoping that the music would calming.

I closed my eyes, letting the music transport me to another place.

"Edward."

It was Alice. I was rather surprised to hear from her. I wondered what had happened-

"Feel like playing the white knight you swear you're not?"

"Alright, Alice, what do you mean?"

"Bella's in trouble."


	9. Chapter 9

I stopped breathing, panicked. I had just seen her-what could she have possibly gotten into since I saw her last?

That girl was a magnet for trouble.

I rushed through the minds of the students-concentrating on my biology classmates.

'_Yes! This is awesome-well, not that she's sick but maybe she'll see me differently. I lucked out-Cullen's not here today to distract her. I wondered what happened at lunch. They looked too close. Maybe I can ask her about it-'_

I let out a growl. Damn that Mike Newton! The conniving little-

This wasn't the time. He said Bella was sick.

I got out of my car, still hearing Newton's voice in my head. He was taking her to the nurse now, she begged to sit for a second, the nausea overtaking her. He was getting concerned, she was green.

I saw them-Bella lying on the sidewalk, her eyes closed. Newton stood idly, being the sheer nuisance that he was.

"Bella?" I called to her, panicked by her state.

"What's wrong?" I demanded. "Is she hurt?" Leave it to Bella to slip on a stable surface and get a concussion.

"I don't know. I think she's fainted. She didn't even stick her finger." The boy was no use.

"Bella? Can you hear me?"

She moaned. "No, go away."

I laughed, partly out of relief that she was ok, partly because even sick she was entertaining.

_Leave it to Cullen to steal my moment. _"I'm supposed to take her to the nurse. She wouldn't go any farther."

I took more enjoyment than I should out of stealing Newton's thunder. "I'll take her." I used my most authoritative voice, leaving no room for argument. "Go back to class."

"I'm supposed to do it." _If he thinks I'm just going to let him steal my moment-_

I didn't have time for this. I picked her up, cradling her to my body. If she could handle the cold sidewalk, she could certainly handle the coldness of my body.

Her eyes flew open. "Put me down!" she demanded.

I had already started walking, thanking Alice for the opportunity to not only usurp Newton's plans, but for the chance to be with Bella.

She was warm. I felt like a freezing man just offered a fire, the warmth consuming me. I was careful not to hold her too close-she was small, fragile. I didn't want to hurt her.

"Hey!" '_That son of a-how could he just-how is any one supposed to even talk to Bella with him constantly there?'_

"You look awful," I told her, teasing her.

"Put me back on the sidewalk," she demanded.

"So you faint at the sight of blood?" I appreciated the irony.

She closed her eyes again, the thought apparently disturbing her.

"Not even your own blood," I mused.

I walked to the front office, still entertaining myself with this new discovery.

I heard a gasp.** '**_Oh my.'_ Her thought processes stopped, her mind filled with images, none of which were appropriate, yet interesting.

"She fainted in biology."

Mrs. Cope held open the door to the nurse's office. I placed Bella on the cot, moving to the opposite side of the tiny room. It was warm, the scent of her still lingered with me, the images in Mrs. Cope's head still in her consciousness, still giving me the ability to see them.

The nurse was startled by my unorthodox entrance.

"She's just a little faint. They were blood typing in Biology."

She nodded, it was a fairly common occurrence. "There's always one." _'Yet they're not brought in by knights in shining armor.'__"_Just lie down honey. It will pass."

I chuckled, quickly hiding it.

Bella sighed, "I know."

"Does this happen a lot?"

"Sometimes," Bella shrugged.

I coughed, hiding another laugh.

Only Bella.

"You can go back to class now," she told me.

"I'm supposed to stay with her." In more ways than one.

She pursed her lips. She didn't like having so many people in the office, but she let me, getting some ice for Bella. School systems everywhere held the credo that ice was the answer.

Bella closed her eyes, "You were right," she moaned.

I smiled smugly. "I usually am-about what in particular this time?"

"Ditching is healthy."

She tired to slow her breathing.

I thought back to my fear-seeing her lying on the ground. It felt like nothing I had ever experienced. The weightiness of the dread was incredible. "You scared me for a minute there," I said, my voice catching ever so slightly. I tried to lighten the situation. Next I would be pledging my life to her if I wasn't careful. "I thought Newton was dragging your dead body to bury it in the woods."

"Ha ha," she said sarcastically.

"Honestly-I've seen corpses with better color. I was concerned that I might have to avenge your murder."

"Poor Mike. I'll be he's mad."

"He absolutely loathes me," I said, taking cheer in the thought.

"You can't know that," she protested, suddenly becoming thoughtful as the words spilled out.

"I saw his face-I could tell," I lied.

"How did you see me?" she asked.

"I was in my car, listening to a CD," I replied honestly. Thinking of you-wondering how far I can fall in love with you before I lose my mind.

The nurse pressed a cold compress on her head, "here you go, dear. You're looking better."

"I think I'm fine," Bella said, sitting up. I expected to see her have to lie back down, but she was able to keep her equilibrium.

Mrs. Cope poked her head in. "We've got another one."

Bella jumped off the cot, handing the compress back to the nurse. "Here, I don't need this."

Newton came in, helping another boy from biology. **'**_What are they still doing here? Stupid Cullen-that should be me next to Bella. I wish he'd keep his nose out of her business.'_

I smelled the blood coming from the boy's finger. "Oh no. Bella, get out of the office."

She looked at me, questions in her eyes.

"Trust me, go."

For once she listened, getting out of the office as quickly as possible.

"You listened to me."

"I smelled the blood," she said, wrinkling her nose as she did so.

That was impossible. "People can't smell blood."

"I can-that's what makes me sick-it smells like rust. And salt."

I was astonished. She was right, it did smell. I wasn't sure if it was like rust and salt, but it would make sense-the iron and the sodium-but humans did not have the olfactory capabilities to detect that.

She frowned. "What?"

I shook my head. "It's nothing," I told her.

Newton came sulking back, still upset that he wasn't the one to save Bella.

"You look better," he accused. _'All because you had Cullen by your side, I'm sure.'_

"Just keep your hand in your pocket," she said, refusing to rise to her bait.

'_Great. She hates me now.'_"It's not bleeding anymore. Are you going back to class?"

I rolled my eyes. Newton was an idiot.

"Are you kidding? I'd just have to turn around and come back."

'_Oh. Right. Dummy.'_"Yeah, I guess," **'**_Come on, ask her. Now's your chance to show up Cullen!'_"Are you coming this weekend?"He glared at me.** '**_Dare to say something, Cullen.'_

As much as I wanted to toy with Newton, they were going to La Push, which vampire were forbidden to go, because of the treaty. Besides, we were hunting this weekend.

"Sure. I said I was in," Bella replied.

He gave her the particulars, his eyes flickering to me every once in a while, his thoughts still provoking me to ask if I was invited.

Bella assured him she was going, his thoughts becoming more optimistic as time went on.

"I'll see you in gym, then," he said.

"See you," she said, then groaned.

"I'll take care of it," I said, my lips near her ear. "Go sit and look pale."

"Ms. Cope?"

'_Too young, too young, too young-my he looked handsome carrying in the Swan girl-too young-come on-'_ "Yes?" she said breathlessly.

"Bella has gym next hour and I don't think she feels well enough. Actually, I was thinking I should take her home now. Do you think you could excuse her from class?"

"Do you need to be excused too, Edward?"

"No, I have Mrs. Goff," she won't mind. _'She'll probably be thankful that she won't have to deal with someone who knows a language better than her.'_

Ms. Cope scribbled hastily on two pieces of paper. "Okay, it's all taken care of. You feel better, Bella."

I closed my mind to the thoughts of Ms. Cope-I couldn't possibly concentrate on Bella when she filled my mind with dime store romance images.

I turned to face her-she gave a convincing act of being sick.

"Can you walk, or do you want me to carry you again?" I already knew her answer, even without reading her mind.

"I'll walk."

I opened the door for her-an automatic action on my part.

I watched her walk-felt the steady beat of her heart as if it were my own. I wore a polite smile, afraid to show her what I was truly thinking.

"Thanks," she said suddenly. "It's almost worth getting sick to miss gym."

"Anytime," I told her distractedly. I was cursing myself-I should have gone hunting yesterday. I shouldn't be feeling this remarkable pull of bloodlust.

"So are you going? This Saturday, I mean?" Her voice was hopeful. I smiled, happy at her apparent wish for my company.

"Where are you all going, exactly?" I was hoping, and it was a vain hope, that perhaps that Newton had it wrong. That it wouldn't be the dog's beach.

"Down to La Push, to First Beach," she informed me. She studied my face, hoping to gauge my reaction. My eyes narrowed, not because of her, but the thought of those dogs anywhere near her.

I thought of Newton's reaction. "I don't think I was invited."

She sighed, disappointed by my answer. "I just invited you."

I thought of Newton's reaction to seeing me coming with Bella-seeing her only pay attention to me, giving him nary a thought.

It was pleasing.

"Let's you and I not push poor Mike any further this week. W don't want him to snap."

She pouted, though her eyes were thoughtful. "Mike-schmike."

Another burst of joy exploded in me. I wanted to grab her and swing her about, then find Newton and laugh in his face that he hadn't succeeded in wooing Bella.

She was mine.

We made it to the parking lot, my mind still taking in the joy of her expressions. Then I noticed she wasn't near me anymore, instead making her way to her car.

Panic seized through me. "Where do you think you're going?" I caught her jacket in my fist, determined not to let her out of my sight.

She looked back at me, confused. "I'm going home."

"Didn't you hear me promise to take you safely home? DO you think I'm going to let you drive in your condition?"

"What condition? And what about my truck?" she complained.

"I'll have Alice drop it off after school."

'_Edward! It's so slow. Must I?' Alice complained_

I smiled. It would do her some good not to be near vehicles that could go up to sixty in seconds.

I dragged her to my car. I felt like a beast, dragging one's mate while making odd grunting noises, but she insisted on making it difficult.

Mate?

I shook it off. I had other things to think about.

"Let go!" she grumbled, though I just took her to the passenger side of the Volvo, finally freeing her, the force of which made her stumble into it.

I suppressed my laughter. It wasn't gentlemanly.

"You are so pushy!" She accused.

"It's open," I told her.

She continued to defy me-I wasn't used to it-there were not many people who would.

"I am perfectly capable of driving myself home!" she yelled.

I sighed, already in the car. "Get in the car, Bella."

She pursed her lips. She wanted to go to her truck.

I wouldn't let her.

"I'll drag you back," I threatened, taking a chance that that was what she was thinking.

She narrowed her eyes, getting into the car.

"This is completely unnecessary."

I didn't answer her, instead turning up the heat for her benefit. She was half-drowned and with her luck she would catch cold. As much as the heat would heighten her scent, I didn't want her to get ill. I turned on some music, hoping to distract myself.

"Claire de Lune?" She asked, surprised.

I was shocked. There weren't a lot of teenagers that knew that song.

"You know Dubussy?"

"Not well," she confessed. "My mother plays a lot of classical music around the house-I only know my favorites."

"It's one of my favorites too," I told her softly.

I wondered what her mother was like-if she was just an older version of Bella. I wondered how was it that I found someone with a dislike of the smell of blood, who knew classical music, who appreciated it.

Who ignited my mind like no other, who, if I could dream, would permeate them, leaving me no choice but to spend my days and nights thinking of her.

"What is your mother like?"

"She looks a lot like me, but she's prettier."

I raised my eyebrows. Bella, as far as I was concerned, was the epitome of beauty.

"I have too much Charlie in me. She's more outgoing than I am and braver. She's irresponsible and slightly eccentric and she's a very unpredictable cook. She's my best friend."

Her voice ended in a note of sadness, making me ache to pull her to me, to comfort her and make the sadness in her go away.

"How old are you, Bella?" I had to remind myself that she was a child, with all her life ahead of her. She wasn't as old as me, that no matter how old she seemed, it was no where near old enough.

I was, after all, over ninety years old.

"I'm seventeen," she responded, confused.

"You don't seem seventeen." My voice was more accusatory than I wanted it to be.

She laughed, the musical sound piercing my self-indulgent wallowing.

"What?" What ever it was, I most likely had no idea.

"My mom always said I was born thirty-five and getting more middle aged every year," she explained laughing. Then she sighed, "someone has to be the adult." She paused, then continued. "You don't seem like a junior in high school yourself."

I made a face. Of course I didn't! I was a doctor twice over. I graduated high school so many times, 'Pomp and Circumstance' made me ill.

"Why did your mother marry Phil?" Better keep the subject on her.

She took a deep breath. "My mother…she's very young for her age. I think Phil makes her feel younger. At any rate, she's crazy about him." The tone in her voice indicated she had trouble understanding why.

"Do you approve?"

"Does it matter? I want her to be happy…and he is who she wants."

"That's very generous," I commented. "I wonder…"

"What?" She asked me.

It was too much to hope for. Yet I couldn't help it. I had to ask.

"Would she extend the same courtesy to you, do you think?"

Would she allow you to become damned? Would she allow you to be with someone who could kill you in an instant?

"I-I think so," she stammered. "But she's the parent, after all. It's a little bit different."

"No one too scary then," I teased.

She smiled, my mood lifting along with the edges of her smile. "What do you mean by scary? Multiple facial piercings and extensive tattoos?"

"That's one definition, I suppose." _'Or being immortal, forced to drink blood to survive, wanting very desperately to drink your blood that calls to me, to proclaim you mind until the end of my existence.'_

"What's your definition?" she asked me.

I couldn't bring myself to answer her-I knew I would tell her the truth. "Do you think I could be scary?" I tried to act like I was teasing her, raising one eyebrow, letting a grin start pulling at my lips.

She looked at my face. "Hmmm…I think you could be, if you wanted to."

"Are you frightened of me now?" It would happen eventually. I had to prepare myself for that day.

"No," she said, a bit too quickly. I smiled, happy with her answer.

"So, now are you going to tell me about your family?" She asked, I assumed to distract me from the intense thread of our conversation. "It's got to be a much more interesting story than mine."

Yes. My adoptive parents are actually vampires, Carlisle turned me and my other brothers and sisters are also vampires. We'll live until the end of the world and thirst for blood. We move every few years so no one gets suspicious.

"What do you want to know?" I asked her. I already knew I would tell her the truth if she asked-I would find myself telling the whole story.

I had put my family in danger once. I wouldn't do it again.

"The Cullens adopted you?" she asked innocently.

"Yes." They did. Carlisle and Esme loved me as deeply as if I were their natural son.

"What happened to your parents?" she asked hesitantly, sadness creeping into her voice.

"They died many years ago," I told her simply. **'**_During the Spanish Influenza that you read in history books.'_

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"I don't really remember them that clearly. Carlisle and Esme have been my parents for a long time now." My human memories were vague, if not completely gone.

"And you love them."

"Yes," I thought of Esme's worry when I left, how concerned Carlisle was for my well-being. "I couldn't imagine two better people."

"You're very lucky."

"I know I am." How could I not, being the prodigal son that I was?"

"And your brother and sister?"

I glanced down, wondering what I should tell her about Emmett and Alice. I noticed the time, soon I would hear Rosalie's complaints and then all of their jabs at my obsession with Bella.

"My brother and sister and Jasper and Rosalie, for that matter, are going to be very upset if they have to stand in rain waiting for me." Especially Rosalie. She hated getting wet.

"Oh, sorry, I guess you have to go," she muttered. The thought displeased her.

"And you probably want your truck back before Chief Swan gets home, so you don't have to tell him about the Biology incident." I grinned, it was a miracle that man was able to confidently send Bella off to school with the amount of trouble she got into.

"I'm sure he's already heard. There are no secrets in Forks," she sighed.

I laughed. Yes, yes there were. Silly Bella.

"Have fun at the beach…good weather for sun bathing," I told her.

"Won't I see you tomorrow?" she asked, I swore I heard distress in her voice.

"No. Emmett and I are starting the weekend early."

"What are you going to do?" she asked. I smiled, taking pleasure in the fact she wanted to know what I was doing, that she was disappointed she wouldn't see me tomorrow.

"We're going to be hiking in the Goat Rocks Wilderness, just south of Rainier," the half lie slipped easily out of my lips.

"Oh," she said, disappointed. "Well, have fun." She tried to be enthusiastic. It was charming.

"Will you do something for me this weekend?" I tried to dazzle her, hoping that I would be able to get her to obey, just this once.

Her eyes were wide, her heart rate increased. She nodded.

"Don't be offended, but you seem to be one of those people who just attract accidents like a magnet. So…try not to fall into the ocean or get run over or anything, all right?" I smiled at her, watching her slowly regain control over herself.

"I'll see what I can do," she snapped, clearly taking offense at my request. She jumped out of the car, slamming the door.

I smiled all the way back to school.


	10. Chapter 10

I made my way back to school, playing the conversation I had with Bella over in my mind. I did this over and over, finding things I hadn't thought about before, more questions I wished I could have asked her. Living as long as I had, people tended to be two-dimensional, their thought processes tedious and boring. The ability to read minds didn't help matters. It was a useful tool, to be sure. I knew exactly what needed to be said at all times. But in exchange it took away the mystery, the anticipation in having a conversation in which new views might be explored.

It was like going to a bookstore but knowing the plots to all the books.

It was a good analogy for my life. I knew the conversations, I knew the classes. College, sometimes, held some challenge for me.

Then I found Bella. It was like being in said bookstore, just going through the motions, then suddenly coming across a book I hadn't read before, a delight I didn't think existed.

I couldn't even fathom what Bella's answers to my questions would be. My mind turned to the fact that she fainted at the sight of blood-it was ironic-a vampire falling in love with a human girl that got sick at the sight of blood. I wondered how she would react to my confession that I had to drink blood to decide.

I doubt she would react well. If she were the least bit sane, she would run away as fast as possible from me.

I opened my mind to my family, wondering what their reaction would be. Alice must have told them that I left, none wondered where I was.

"I don't get it. She's alright looking, for a human, but this is an awful lot of trouble just to talk to her," Emmett said.

Rosalie gave him a death stare.

"She's not as pretty as you, Rosie," he cajoled. He leaned over, whispering something in her ear that would have caused me to blush if I could. She smiled.

"At least you don't have to drive her truck," Alice grumbled. "I don't think it can even go up to sixty!"

"I thought you liked her," Jasper said.

"I do," Alice said. "But I wish Edward would buy her a new car. Or at least be the one to take her truck back."

"When is he coming? I hate getting wet."

"He's pulling in right now," Alice said.

I pulled up, my family piling into the car.

"Hey Edward!" Alice said.

"Hey brother. Get any farther with the human?" Emmett asked.

"She faints at the sight of blood," I said.

"What?" Jasper said.

Emmett burst out laughing, soon Jasper was too. Even Rosalie smiled slightly at the irony of it.

"Perfect! I love it," Emmett boomed.

"Really, Edward, you really know how to pick them. First a human and now a human who faints at the sight of blood? Priceless, truly priceless."

"I was going to tell you, but I didn't think you'd believe me," Alice said in between giggles. "Besides, it was so much fun seeing your reaction to Bella's condition that I couldn't let myself tell you." She burst into another fit of giggles, apparently reliving the incident in her head.

"Alright, enough is enough," I said. "I knew you would appreciate the irony, but this is a bit much."

"Oh, come on, Edward, stop being such a grouch. We're just having a bit of fun," Alice said.

They finished laughing at Bella's expence. I heard their thoughts turn to other things- Rosalie reminding herself of Emmett's promise and Jasper's plans to play his new favorite videogame.

We made it home-Emmett and Rosalie heading up to their room-only one thing on their minds.

"Hey!" Jasper called. "Who am I supposed to play Call of Duty with?"

"Play with Edward!" Emmett replied. Jasper turned hopefully to me.

I shrugged. "Sure."

My heart wasn't really in it. Jasper loved the military video games and Emmett usually played with him, enjoying the gore of them. I was too fixated on Bella. I thought about my errant thought about her as my mate.

It was not something I ever thought of having, something others in my family had but nothing that I ever needed.

I thought about my brothers and Carlisle's mates. There were perfect for them, compliments, really. Carlisle's compassion was enhanced by Esme's love. Emmett's physicality matched by Rosalie's beauty. Jasper and Alice were special-two souls searching for each other. What they had was deep, an understated, profound love that wasn't obvious like Emmett's and Rosalie's. I didn't think I could even begin to describe it.

But Bella as my mate? She was human. She would age, whereas I would stay seventeen forever. I could pass for early twenties, anything beyond that and people would question. I would never be able to explain myself to her-telling her that I was a vampire would put us in danger and break the one rule that vampires had-keep your presence a secret.

She deserved to live a life untainted by my damned existence. I put her in danger every day that I was near her.

"Edward! What are you going?" Jasper snapped me out of my reverie. "Come on! We're being slaughtered."

"Oh, sorry."

Jasper sighed, ending the game. "This is about Bella, isn't it?"

I sighed, cursing my obviousness. _'I wonder if he realizes how transparent it is that he's in love with her.'_ Jasper mused.

"I'm not in love with her."

Jasper smiled. "Yes, you are. Alice told me how you were brooding in the car about her. And how you more or less grabbed her out of the arms of Mike Newton."

"I damn her just by being near her."

"Why do you insist that ours is a damned existence?"

"Jasper, we are not born, we're created. We feast on human blood. It is our choice not to."

"Humans were created, if one follows certain beliefs."

"It's not the same! We go against nature."

"We do not go against it, we merely trade it for another."

"One that is the exact opposite of human nature. We crave the blood, spending eternity thristing for more."

"How is that any different than craving any object? Be it money, fame or love?"

I couldn't come up with an answer.

Jasper only smiled. "It's a circular argument, little brother." He closed his eyes and I found a feeling of calmness wash over me.

"I don't have the…control as you do, Edward. I'm still not sure why you chose a human. But-" he paused, collecting his thoughts. "If you're right, if we are damned," he shook his head at the thought, "then having someone who loves you-for all eternity-redeems you."

He placed his hand on my shoulder, then left me with my thoughts.

I felt restless. Emmett and I would be leaving soon, so I couldn't leave the house. Otherwise I would run-I would go to the meadow and think.

I looked over at my piano-aye, there's the rub, I quoted to myself.

I started to play, letting my mind close itself, not letting myself think for a change. I didn't realize what I was playing, it didn't matter, all that mattered was the fact my mind was slowly becoming clearer.

I drew the last note out, wanting the depth that could only come from the vibration of the chord in stunned silence air.

I felt Esme's presence. She had come behind me, listening to the music.

"Edward. That was beautiful. Haven't you played it before?"

I frowned. "No, I don't think so."

She smiled. "Yes, you have."

She sat next to me on the bench. "You were thinking about Bella when you were playing, weren't you?"

I realized that I had been-the she had completely permeated my thought processes. Even when I wasn't thinking, I was thinking about her.

"It's ok, you know. Alice tells me you love her."

"I'm not-"

"Oh, stop it Edward. It didn't work with Jasper, why do you think it's going to work with me?"

"I can't be with her, Esme."

Esme frowned. "It's complicated, I know. But if two people are truly meant to be together, they should be."

She kissed my forehead. "It will work out, Edward."

Emmett came down the stairs, grinning widely. "Are you ready, little brother?" he asked excitedly.

"Yes," I said simply, getting up from the piano bench.

We ran, where we were going, people didn't go camping. It felt nice to run, to let myself go in a physical sense, to feel the wind in my face and in my hair.

Though Emmett was excited about hunting, he was thinking about Rosalie and their time together.

"Would you stop thinking about that?" I asked him irritably.

"Jeez, Edward. It's not like I can help it. Get out of my head if you don't like it."

"It's a bit hard when your thoughts are screaming themselves in my head!"

Emmett just shrugged and grinned. "We're almost there. Maybe hunting will get you in a better mood."

"So why do you watch the human sleep?" Emmett asked curiously after a while.

"Bella," I said automatically. It bothered me more than it should that Emmett called her 'the human'. She was a person, she wasn't a food source, no matter how much I craved her.

She had a life, an existence.

"What?" Emmett said, confused.

"Her name is Bella. Don't call her 'the human'."

"That's what Rose always calls her," Emmett said simply, as if that explained everything.

"Rosalie shouldn't. Rosalie knows better," I growled.

"Edward, c'mon, don't be like that. You know she doesn't mean any harm. She's just scared. You're way too harsh on her."

"Rosalie needs to remember that she chose a human too."

"But I was going to die. That bear-and if Rosalie hadn't come…" Emmett trailed off. The thought genuinely appalled him-not knowing Rosalie.

"She'll come around," he assured me. "Now, don't go beating around my question. Why do you watch her sleep?"

Emmett tended to answer his own questions, be the answers right or not. His thoughts immediately turned lascivious.

"She doesn't sleep naked, does she?"

"What? No!"

"Then what's so darn fascinating about watching a human sleep?"

I didn't want to tell him the truth-that she said my name and every time she did so warmth washed over me. That I hung on her every word, relishing the sound of her breath and her heart. That she would be restless and stir her hair, causing her magical scent to envelope me.

"You don't, you know-enjoy it more than you should, as you would put it?" Emmett said, interrupting my thoughts.

"Emmett, for God's sake, get your mind out of the damn gutter!"

"Stop being so touchy! Jeez, didn't mean nothing by it-just saying-here I was, trying to be nice by putting it nicely and you go and snap at me."

His thoughts were hitting too close to home-in not the sense he meant, of course, but rather…

Watching Bella while she slept was easily the most sensuous of experiences I had had in my life.

Using the term life loosely, of course.

Our conversation came at an abrupt end-Emmett had caught the scent of his prey-a bear that would give him a challenge.

I preferred to hunt alone. I didn't mind going with my family, but once we started to hunt I preferred to make it a solitary activity, allowing me to solely concentrate on my prey.

I turned my mind off, concentrating on the scent of the grizzly, the warmth it offered, the nourishment I needed.

I came upon it, circling it, confusing it with my speed, slowly crouching in preparation for the attack.

It swatted, barely missing me. I lunged, biting it in the jugular, making sure to kill it quickly. While Emmett preferred to play with his food, I preferred a mercy kill, drinking the blood quickly so as not to lose its warmth.

I felt it fill me, the taste of it good quality, if not as amazing as I imagined Bella's blood to be.

I suddenly became aware of what a sheer monster I truly was. Even when hunting, I thought of her, craved her. I was sustaining the monster, allowing the civilized portion of me to wrestle control away from it, only to have it fight back in the only way it could effectively do so.

I became sickened as I drank, wishing to stop, knowing I couldn't if I wanted to see her.

I acknowledged the monster's victory in this metaphorical battle.

But it would not win the war.


	11. Chapter 11

"I knew I should have brought Jasper," Emmett grumbled on the way home. "He doesn't get guilt trips about hunting."

I was silent. To my credit, I didn't cease hunting; I couldn't if I was going to be near Bella.

But I didn't like it. The blood, while sustaining me, suddenly was akin to taking medicine and I was a child that had to be coaxed into it. I felt guilty about ruining Emmett's fun, though I knew he would forget about it soon enough.

I sighed as I looked into his thoughts. He had already forgotten, in his eagerness to be with Rosalie.

It was a slight annoyance, being privy to his thoughts , having to shut them out when they got too graphic. I had enough trouble keeping control, I didn't need Emmett putting thoughts into my head.

I had enough of them already.

We were nearing our home. It was run down when Esme first purchased it. She still was making renovations to it, making it better than it was. Of all the places we lived, it was probably my favorite. There was a feeling of stability to it, probably stemming from the fact that we had lived there as long as we had.

Alice came out to greet me, bouncing down the stairs as she did so.

"Hey Edward!" Her enthusiasm was infectious, it truly was. There was something about her, something about her disposition that when you were near Alice suddenly you shared in her own personal sunlight.

"Alice," I said in greeting. "How are things?"

She rolled her eyes, understanding my meaning. "I'm fine, Edward, thanks for asking."

"Alice," I said.

"She's fine, Edward. In fact," she stopped, closing her eyes. A smile played on her face. "She's sitting under a tree, reading. Enjoying the sunlight."

The anxiety that I'd been holding since I watched her walk out of her car suddenly released itself, the weight I carried suddenly gone.

Alice allowed me in her head, letting me see Bella, reading as Alice said. She was radiant in the light, happy in her element. It suited her, the sun. Just as the darkness suited me.

"You've missed her," Alice said softly.

I looked at her, Alice-the person I identified the most with, the one I was closest to. I could never lie to her, she knew already the ending.

"Yes, I do," I said equally as softly, not wanting to relinquish my view of Bella.

"Go," Alice said, pushing me. "There is a tree that you'll be able to easily climb and see her and she won't be able to see you."

I lingered, wondering if I was missing something, some danger that in my eagerness I'd missed.

"There's nothing, Edward. Be selfish. Be happy."

I left, hugging my sister in gratitude, silently saying my thanks. She knew already of course.

I ran through the forest, careful that no one would see me. I couldn't risk exposure, it was hardly justifiable for me to even be lurking, much less in the sunlight.

I saw her, at least thirty yards away, happily reading in the sunlight.

I lurked, wanting so much to show myself to her, regardless of the consequences. Instead I found the tree in Alice's mind, the one that would bring me close enough to her to inhale her scent, to be able to see her quickly, but out of her sight.

In the shadows.

I was curious as to what she was reading. I realized I knew nothing about her-not the frivolous things that weren't so frivolous upon thought-things like what her favorite book was, her favorite color. Trivial things that made up a personality.

Jane Austen. Bella seemed to be the kind to appreciate Ms. Austen's works. She would like the dry wit, the romance.

She sighed, flipping from Sense and Sensibility to Mansfield Park, only to mutter a few minutes later, "too close."

I wondered what she meant, too close. The superego in me thought that she meant me, that I was too close. I was, I was too close on so many different levels-too close to falling, too close to losing all reason, too close to be anything but a harm to Bella.

She sighed, placing the book down, content to just enjoy the sunlight. She titled her head up, thirsting for the warmth the sun gave her. Her eyes were closed, if she had opened them she could have seen me, a demon lurking in the shadows, unable to leave her alone. She didn't, instead she let her hair billow out, letting herself fall asleep under the protection of the sun.

Bella belonged in the sun. She was sustained by the warmth, the light, it enhanced her, she enhanced it. I was a creature of darkness, to be with me would be to reject the sun, reject the one thing she clearly enjoyed and missed.

I continued to watch her until the sun started to fall, until her father made his way home. His thoughts were more simple, betraying the concerns of a father, the concerns of a person reaching middle aged, ready for the twilight. He wondered if he should have called her before he left, just to make sure that she was OK, that she hadn't hurt herself. He wondered if he would find her with a broken ankle, from tripping down the stairs. Or perhaps a burnt hand from making dinner.

His thoughts became more depressing, thinking of the possibility that one day he would find Bella gone, just like her mother. A note on the door and her truck gone, taking her back to Phoenix. I knew immediate that was Chief Swan's worst fear, that the worst day in his life would have to be lived twice.

I felt sympathy for him, having to live in fear that his daughter, who he clearly loved deeply would leave him in the most painful way possible one day.

I had to leave. Soon he would wake her and I couldn't risk being seen by either of them.

I made my way back, thankful that I had the chance to see her, though still wishing for more.

The house was quiet when I came back, really just to say hello to Carlisle and Esme, for I wanted to get back, to watch Bella in her sleep. I wondered if she would say anything more-specifically if she would say my name again.

Esme was busy painting. She had set up a studio a year ago, finding that she took a lot of pleasure in painting.

I went into her studio, hoping that she wouldn't mind that I would interrupt her,

"Hello, Edward. Welcome back," she greeted me as I came in.

"It's good to be back."

She smiled. "Emmett arrived sometime ago."

"I was, er," it sounded rather foolish to say that I was essentially stalking Bella.

"You were with Bella."

"Yes, did Alice tell you?"

Esme laughed. "No, you tend to become uncharacteristically tongue-tied whenever it is something involved with Bella." _'It's cute.'_

"Cute?" I questioned.

"Yes. It's so lovely to see someone falling in love."

"Unrequited."

Her smiled widened as she set down her brush. "I doubt it, Edward."

I wouldn't be able to dissuade her, in truth I didn't want to.

"Is Carlisle here?" I asked.

Esme shook her head. "There was an emergency at the hospital, they were short staffed and asked him to come in."

I noticed a note of sadness in Esme's voice, realizing that Carlisle's day off was today. Their schedules were busy, but they made sure that spent at least part of the day together. They had eternity, yet the still needed every single day.

I left her to her work after saying that I was stepping out for a minute. A look into her thoughts told me that she already knew that I was going to see Bella and that she approved.

I went in, easily opening the window she'd left unlocked. The sky was still clear, Bella lay untroubled in her sleep. She must have just fallen asleep, as she hadn't started talking yet. I waited, I had time.

"Edward," she said, just as clearly as before. The warmth it brought me was just as potent as before.

She sighed, turning to her side.

I wished I could dream, as she could. To be able to work out my day, my problems, to be able to sort them and bring them to sanity. As a vampire I didn't need it, my mind clearer and sharper than any human's.

But still. I wanted to dream. To dream of her.

I left the house before Chief Swan awoke. Even in the early morning I knew it was going to be a clear day, a day that I would have to spend at home, since we couldn't be seen in the sunlight.

Another day without Bella.

I was irritated by the fact, though I knew it was going to be sunny, Alice had predicted it. Still, the foolish part of me hoped that she was wrong, though I knew better than to bet against Alice.

"Jeez, what's got you in such a mood?" Jasper asked me, suddenly cross.

"It's sunny."

"So? Usually you're happy to be away from the humans and the boredom."

The proverbial light bulb went off in his head.

"It's Bella. You're made because you won't get the chance to see her." _'Even though you spend every night with her.'_

I couldn't deny the truth in his statement-I was upset that I couldn't see her.

I shrugged, heading upstairs to my room.

"Do us all a favor and just tell her how you feel, will you?" Jasper called to me irritably.

I went into Carlisle's library. If I was stuck in house arrest, then the least I could do was use my energies to try to figure out Bella.

I started with Jane Austen, since Bella seemed to enjoy her.

She had started reading Sense and Sensibility. Not one of my favorites, though I wasn't a fan of Jane Austen's work. There was something very simplistic about them-whatever conflict there was, was solved almost instantly.

I chose some music, classical that fit nicely as background music-some Faure piece that required little attention.

I smiled in spite of myself. The suitor in this book was named Edward. It had bothered Bella-upon her realization, she changed to Mansfield Park.

I looked, finding it on Carlisle's shelves. It probably belonged to Esme, though we all tended to add to Carlisle's collection.

The name of the main suitor was Edmund.

Too close.

Now it made sense.

It was interesting, learning the processes of someone, instead of simply just reading their minds. There was something rewarding about it, having to work through the labyrinth.

She thought about me. I was in her thoughts as much as she was in mine.

The realization was amazing, something so obvious I still didn't believe that it was true. It was so simplistic, so amazingly true and pure that I was reluctant to believe it.

I wanted to be with her-I had to be with her.

She was with Jessica Stanley. In Port Angeles.

If I could watch her outside and watch her sleep, how much more deviant was watching her in Port Angeles?

Besides, knowing Bella, she would need saving.


	12. Chapter 12

I felt…lecherous, driving to Port Angeles. It was dark enough-twilight, actually, that I wouldn't be exposed. Still, there was something morally ambiguous about following her, becoming a shadow protector. I imagined she wouldn't appreciate my interference, it would probably make her run away screaming.

I listened to Jessica's thoughts on the way there. She'd gotten it into her head that Bella was actually going to prom with Tyler, that she was just lying that she never had a boyfriend in Phoenix.

As much as I hated to agree with her, I couldn't fathom that Bella never had any boyfriends. Every boy wanted her, found her absolutely fascinating. Yet Jessica's mind told me that Bella stuck to her story-that she never had a boyfriend.

If that was so and I doubted it, but why would Bella lie, then all the boys in Phoenix were amazingly unobservant.

Bella left then, she wanted to visit the bookstore. I saw the store in Anglea's mind, she debated going with Bella but Jessica pulled her away. They would meet her for dinner later. Perfect. I could meet her at the bookstore. She would mention that she would be meeting Jessica and Angela for dinner and I could escort her there, following them back to Forks.

Just to make sure Bella was safe, of course.

I went into the bookstore, wondering why she hadn't appeared in anyone's mind. Surely someone must have seen her. I inhaled deeply, but I couldn't catch her scent. She was no where near the area.

I was worried, becoming more nervous and anxious as the minutes wore on. I left the bookstore, determined to find her. She'd probably gotten lost. The shopping district of Port Angeles was small, but that wouldn't stop Bella finding her way to Canada.

I should be able to find her with ease, feigning a serendipitous meeting. It helped that I would be able to save her. Then I could proceed with my original plan.

Yet I couldn't find her. There wasn't any trace of her, neither smell nor in the minds of strangers. I circled around, heading out of the district. A few had seen her, wondering why such a nice looking girl was heading to the shady part of town.

I was getting frustrated and more anxious. Alice kept foreseeing Bella's death. What if I couldn't save her this time?

What I saw made roar. He saw her in his head-had plans for her when he finally trapped her. He was tracking her, hunting her, even. I let out a roar, not caring who saw or heard. I would not let him hurt Bella.

I ran. I found him, the poor excuse for a human being, a waste, a sheer waste of human life. I found him taunting her, calling her sugar. I ran back to my car, my only thought was to save Bella. I came back, thanking God that she was still there, still alive.

I wasn't sure what I would have done otherwise.

She was frowning, concentrating on something unknown to me. I skidded to a stop, wincing as I heard the screech of my brakes. They'd probably need replacing after this. I thrust open the passenger door. They were furious, petulant that I took away their fun.

"Get in," I growled.

It took everything in me not to go after them. It was a God complex, to be sure, to think that I could take justice into my own hands. But what they were thinking, what they wanted to do-

I hoped they rotted in hell.

She got in, her eyes wide in panic. She would probably go into shock in a few minutes.

I wanted to pull her to me, to tell her that it was going to be ok. That I would easily give her the stars in an effort to make her feel better.

She was terrified, clutching the sides of the seat, her seatbelt unfastened.

A new wave of fury washed through me, I gripped the steering wheel, forcing myself not to turn around and kill those bastards.

Bella could not see that.

"Put on your seatbelt," I commanded her.

How dare they? How dare they prey on an innocent, treating her as an animal?

I wanted to kill them. To make it as painful as possible, to make them suffer.

"Are you okay?" she asked, her voice a hoarse whisper.

"No," I answered her truthfully. I wasn't okay, I was murderously angry, suddenly out of control of my monster, not because of bloodlust, but out of protectiveness.

My family would to anything for their mates. Jasper would willingly kill if Alice was in danger, EmI couldn't even save her mett the same. Even Esme, sweet, caring, Esme, would not think twice when it came to the protection of any of her family.

I stopped the car, unable to go on anymore. I stole a glance at Bella, realizing that I was scaring her with my fury. The thought made me feel worse, I couldn't even be her savior without making an ass out of myself.

I stopped the car, unable to go on. Soon I would have to be civilized again, hand her off to her friends, smile and play nice.

I couldn't.

"Bella?"

"Yes?" she whispered.

"Are you all right?" I hadn't once asked her this. What kind of gentleman was I?

"Yes," she whispered again, unconvincingly.

"Distract me, please," I requested, hoping that aimless prattle would distract my growing temper.

"I'm sorry, what?" she asked. Completely innocent. It merely reminded me of the great injustice that almost happened to her.

"Just prattle about something unimportant until I calm down," I explained. Please, Bella. I need this.

It was impossible for me to get headaches, though I swore I felt a tension headache. I controlled my breathing, hoping to control myself somehow.

"Umm," she searched for something to say. "I'm going to run over Tyler Crowley tomorrow after school?" she offered.

I smiled, my eyes still closed. I already knew why, at least I was pretty sure about why, but I wanted her to tell me anyway.

"Why?"

"He's telling everyone that he's taking me to prom-either he's insane or he's still trying to make up for almost killing me last…well, you remember it and he thinks prom is somehow the correct way to do this. So I figure if I endanger his life, then we're even and he can't keep trying to make amends. I don't need enemies and maybe Lauren would back off if he left me alone. I might have to total his Sentra, though. If he doesn't have a ride he can't take anyone to prom…" she babbled, the words falling over themselves, rather like Bella herself.

I felt my anger subsiding. "I heard about that," I told her. Tyler was boasting during class and in his thoughts. He was congratulating himself so much it bordered on farcical.

"You did?" Her question was an accusation, disbelief in her voice. "If he's paralyzed from the neck down, he can't go to prom either," she mused.

I sighed, realizing that I was not going to achieve the happiness that I had previously felt. I should concentrate on the fact that she was safe, that she was here, with me and it was ok, for now.

"Better?" she asked.

"Not really," I admitted. I still wanted to kill the bastards.

I looked at everything except her, settling on the ceiling of the car.

"What's wrong?" she asked me, the concern evident in her voice.

I found myself telling her, feeling like a sinner in a confessional, hoping for redemption for my deadly sin of wrath.

"Sometimes I have a problem with my temper, Bella. But it wouldn't be helpful for me to turn around and hunt down those…" I reminded myself that I was in polite company. The thought tempted me again. "At least," I said wryly, "that's what I'm trying to convince myself."

"Oh," she said.

We sat in silence again, I, waiting for her judgment. I wondered what she sat in silence for.

She broke it, mentioning the time and the need for her to leave; her friends would be worried, she reminded me.

I started the car again, wishing she would say something, wondering when she would go into shock.

I drove straight to the restaurant, planning to take Bella to dinner. Jessica had already ate, impolite enough to not wait for her friend. I wanted to shake her, ask her if she realized how much trouble Bella was in. But how could I expect her to care? Angela was more concerned, she was thankful that Bella had found me, that she wasn't alone.

"How did you know where…?" Bella trailed off. I hadn't thought of that, actually. I had known which restaurant they were going to go to for so long it was as if Bella had told me.

I got out of the car, wondering if I should open the door for her.

'There she is. What took her so long-is that-oh my god, that slut!'

I was going to slap that girl.

"What are you doing?" Bella asked.

"I'm taking you to dinner," I said, enjoying the joke.

I waited for her to get out. She was flustered, her face lovely with a blush staining her cheeks.

"Go stop Jessica and Angela before I have to track them down too. I don't think I could restrain myself if I ran into your other friends again."

She listened to me, running to her friends, giving me a chance to calm down.

"Where have you been?" Jessica asked, her voice suspicious. She was shouting accusations in her head. I was too angry to care, really.

Bella explained that she got lost, that I had found her.

I made my way over to them, confident that I would at least be able to keep my civility.

"May I join you?" I asked them, knowing that they wouldn't say no.

I glanced at Bella, who was looking at me strangely. I wished I could read her mind instead of Jessica's, whose mind was flooded with thoughts that did nothing to help my anger.

"Sure," she breathed, her voice reverent.

I rolled my eyes.

"Actually, Bella, we already ate while we were waiting-sorry," Angela admitted. She felt genuinely bad about it too, she was chastising herself for not accompanying Bella.

"That's fine," Bella replied. "I'm not hungry."

Loss of appetite. Her heart rate was normal, but I was still worried that she would go into shock. She needed to eat. "I think you should eat something," I told her, leaving no room for argument. "Do you mind if I drove Bella home tonight? That way you won't have to wait while she eats." I spoke slowly to Jessica, knowing that she probably wasn't listening to me anyway.

I was right.

'_Wow. Wow oh wow oh wow. Edward Cullen! I so hate Bella!'_

I sighed, waiting for her to answer. "Uh, sure, I guess." _'I'd much rather stay here though and find out what's going on!'_

Bella watched her friends leave her. I found myself nervous. Yes, I had to feed her, to make sure that she didn't go into shock, but there would still be the in between minutes. There was so much that I wanted to know about her yet conversations were so much easier when I could hear the thoughts of the other person. I would have to rely on my instincts with Bella and my instincts managed to prove me wrong when it came to her.

Would she think this was a date? Did I want it to be a date? I told myself that I was doing this just because of her health but did I have ulterior motives?

Yes, yes I did.

I help the door open for her, hoping that she wouldn't be obstinate and refuse me.

"Honestly, I'm not hungry," she told me.

"Humor me," I said wryly.

Remarkably she decided to go into the restaurant with only a sigh.

The hostess came to seat us.

'_Hel-lo handsome! Look at him-I swear he just out of Vogue. He is HOT. I wonder if I can slip him my number…'_

"A table for two?" I asked impatiently. I didn't have time for her fawning.

'_Oh. He's __with__ someone. She's not very pretty. I wonder what she's doing with such a god. Maybe he's not with her. Probably just a friend. She looks like "just a friend" type.'_

I instinctively moved closer to Bella. I surpressed the urge to growl at her, fighting the urge to put my arms around Bella, to protect her from the vile thoughts of this whore.

She led us to a table in the middle of the restaurant, so she could keep an eye on us from the kitchen. I didn't want that. I wanted to be alone with Bella.

She looked at me dumbly, as if no one had ever refused her. I found the possibility unlikely. She led us to a corner, no one was around. Perfect.

"Thank you," I told her politely.

"Um…your server will be right out." _'Ohmigod, that smile should be illegal.'_

"You really shouldn't do that to people," Bella told me accusingly.

"Do what?" I asked her, amused by her reaction.

"Dazzle them. She's probably hyperventilating in the kitchen."

I continued to look at her, wanting desperately, knowing that it wouldn't happen.

"You have to know the effect you have on people," she said dubiously.

"I dazzle people?" _Please say I dazzle you._

"Do you honestly think that everyone gets their way so easily? That we all just go around and refuse tables?"

"Do I dazzle you?" _Please, say yes. Let me know that I affect you._

She stared at me-her eyes wide, beautiful as always. "Yes. Frequently."

Our waitress arrived-I hardly noticed her at first until I realized I was hearing her thoughts.

'_Brandi wasn't kidding! This guy is beyond cute. I don't care that she has her eye on him. This one is MINE.'_

"Hello. My name is Amber, I'll be your server tonight. What can I get you to drink?"

I looked to Bella, my thoughts still on her, jubilant still that she told me I dazzled her.

"I'll have a Coke?" I smiled, wondering why she was nervous, yet finding it charming anyway.

"Two Cokes," I told her.

'_Damn. I'd hoped she was just making up the girlfriend thing. Oh well. She's alright looking. It's not like they're all over each other. Maybe it's an open relationship.'_

"I'll be right back."

I didn't care. I only cared that she came so I could get Bella some fluid into her. She needed the sugar too.

"What?" she asked.

I found it strange that she wasn't in shock yet. Was she and I just didn't see the symptoms? "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine," she said, surprised by my question.

I frowned. "You don't feel dizzy, or sick, or cold?"

She frowned back at me, her head scrunched in confusion. "Should I?"

I laughed. Only Bella could face attackers and not realize that she should be affected.

"Well, I'm actually waiting for you to go into shock," I confessed, grinning at her, hoping to charm her, to dazzle her.

Her breathing stopped for a millisecond, her heart raising. I wondered if she was going into shock after all.

"I don't think that will happen," she told me breathlessly. "I'm very good at repressing unpleasant things."

"Just the same," I told her, switching into doctor-mode, "I'll feel better once you've had some food and drink."

Just then our waitress came back, still convinced that she would have a date with me by Saturday.

"Are you ready to order?" she asked, only me, again. I wanted to pull Bella to my side, just for the effect of showing her that I had no intention of leaving Bella to be with the likes of her, of course.

"Bella?" I asked, forcing the waitress to pay attention to her.

She just glanced at the menu, making me wonder if she would refuse to eat again.

"I'll have the mushroom ravioli." I breathed a sigh of relief.

'_You'd probably eat it too,'_ the waitress thought, rolling her eyes. I hissed in frustration.

"And you?" she asked me.

"Nothing for me," I told her curtly.

'_I LOVE a guy who plays hard to get!' _"Let me know if you change your mind." _'In more ways than one, honey.'_

"Drink," I ordered Bella. I would pour it down her throat if necessary.

She drank at first, then gulped it down quickly. Good, she needed it. I watched her throat, fascinated by its dance.

She finished her drink and I pushed mine towards her. It was the reason I got one, that and I needed to be inconspicuous.

"Thanks," she told me, before drinking the Coke. She shuddered.

Oh dear. The second symptom. "Are you cold?" I asked her sharply.

She shook her head. "It's just the Coke."

"Don't you have a jacket?" Bella wouldn't be so stupid as to sacrifice comfort for fashion, would she?

"Yes," she told me, looking around. She blushed. "I left it in Jessica's car."

I took off mine, thinking briefly of Sir Walter Raleigh, handing it to her.

"Thanks," she told me. I wondered if I would be able to wear the jacket again, knowing that it would be enveloped in her scent, knowing that I would keep it for that reason. I watched her put it on, leaning her face into the leather. I loved the look of my clothes on her.

I realized what she was wearing for the first time since our acquaintance. The blue blouse she was exquisite on her skin, bringing out the luminescence of it, the richness of her hair and eyes. She was beautiful, breathtaking, really.

"That color blue looks lovely with your skin," I commented, intently gauging her reaction, feeling like the awkward Darcy in Ms. Austen's book. I wondered if Bella liked him. She liked Jane Austen's other books.

She blushed, looking down, breaking the moment.

I felt embarrassed, wondering if I went too far, if she disliked my compliment. I pushed the bread sticks to her, silently asking her to eat.

"I'm not going into shock," she insisted.

"You should be," I retorted. "A normal person would be. You don't even look shaken." Had she gone through so many atrocities that attackers in the street were nothing to her?

She blushed again. "I feel very safe with you."

Oh, Bella. Beautiful, amazing Bella. You shouldn't feel safe with a monster. I shouldn't protect you, I shouldn't be falling in love with you.

"This is more complicated than I'd planned," I said, not realizing that I'd said it aloud.

She started to eat, thankfully. We sat in silence, she leaving me to my thoughts of this dire complication.

"Usually you're in a better mood."

"What?"

"Your eyes. When they're black it means that you're crabbier-I've noticed. But they're light today. I have a theory about that," she said proudly.

Oh god. "More theories?"

She nodded, eating more of the bread stick.

"I hope you were more creative this time. Or are you stealing from comic books again?" Hopefully she thought I was orphaned and decided to become a vigilante in a bat costume.

"Well, no, I didn't get it from a comic book, but it isn't original either," she told me.

"And?" I asked, my throat tight.

The waitress came back, unpleased by the fact that Bella and I were so close together. She noticed that Bella was wearing my jacket.

"Did you change your mind? Can I get you anything?" she asked, hoping that I would crudely say her.

"No, thank you. Some more soda would be nice," I said quickly.

"Sure," she said curtly, finally realizing I wasn't interested.

"You were saying?" I reminded her.

"I'll tell you about it in the car…if," she paused.

"There are conditions?" I asked her tightly. This was not going the way I wanted it to.

"I do have a few questions," she admitted.

"Of course." Bella had nothing but questions.

The two Cokes arrived. She'd finally gotten the hint that I had no interest in her. She had her eye on another male in the restaurant.

She took a sip of the Coke, buying herself some time.

"Go ahead," I told her, still worried where this was going.

"Why are you in Port Angeles?" she asked me.

I couldn't tell her. How could I possibly make the fact that I was obsessed with her, that I felt the need to make sure that she was alright when she wasn't directly in my presence?

Why did I have to answer the question. I smiled.

"Next."

"But that's the easiest one," she complained, pouting.

"Next." I could not have her see how pathetic I was.

She scowled at me, deciding instead to actually eat her ravioli. She took another sip of her Coke, then continued her questioning. I wondered if I would be able to dodge all of her questions.

"Let's just say, hypothetically, of course, that someone could know what others were thinking…that someone could read minds, with a few exceptions."

"Just one exception," I corrected her absentmindedly. "Hypothetically," I corrected myself.

She smiled. "One exception, then. How does that work? How would that person know that someone was in trouble? How would they know when to come at exactly the right time?"

I wouldn't be able to dodge her questions.

Did I want her to? I wanted her to know what I was. I wanted her to love me for who I was, monster and all.

I wanted her to love me for me.

I could easily lose her tonight. She would realize how much of a freak I was and run screaming from me.

I had to know either way.

"Hypothetically?" I asked her. We would dance the dance of hypothetical situations, hiding behind that curtain so we wouldn't have to face the truth.

"Sure."

"Well…if that someone…" Telling her was harder than I imagined.

"Let's call him Joe," Bella suggested.

Why don't we just call him Edward, Bella?

"Joe, then. If Joe had been paying attention, the timing wouldn't have needed to be so exact." I sighed, emotionally wrought from this experience. "Only you could get into trouble in a town this small." I smiled at her, hoping to lighten the mood. "You would have devastated their crime rate statistics for decades."

She scowled, not appreciating my humor. "We speaking hypothetically, remember?"

"Should be call you Jane then?" I countered.

"How did you know?" She whispered.

We were close again. I could hear heart beating faster in excitement, I could smell Bella's scent, feel the warmth radiating off of her.

I could tell her right now. I could tell her I knew because I was a vampire and could read minds.

"You can trust me, you know," her whisper was seductive, she reached out to touch my hand.

I would be able to stand it. If she were to hold my hand, I would tell her everything, including how I felt that I was so deeply in love with her that I could leave her alone.

"I don't know that I have a choice anymore," I confessed. "I was wrong-you're much more observant that I gave you credit for."

"I thought you were always right," she teased.

"I used to be," I used to be a lot of things. "I was wrong about you on the other thing as well. You're not a magnet for accidents. That's not a broad enough classification. You're a magnet for trouble. If there is any trouble within a ten mile radius, it will find you."

"Do you put yourself in that category?" she asked me innocently.

I knew that she wouldn't stay away from me now. She wouldn't run away screaming like I thought she should.

"Unequivocally."

She reached out to me again and again I pulled my hand away. Bella was insistent and I could resist her, even if I tried. Her hand stroked the back of mine, the warmth spreading through me, filling me with joy and despair at the same time.

"Thank you," she told me, the gratitude in her voice containing so much passion. "That's twice now."

"Let's now try for three, agreed?"

I had to let go of her, otherwise I wouldn't be able to. I moved my hand, noticing her scowl when I did so.

I would have to tell her now. Otherwise she would ask. I spoke fast, still hoping that she wouldn't reject me.

"I followed you, to Port Angeles. I've never tried to keep a specific person alive before and it's much more troublesome than I would have believed. But that's probably just because it's you," I teased. "Ordinary people seem to make it through the day without so many catastrophes."

I watched her, wondering if her eyes would show that spark of temper they had when I teased her. Yet she was smiling at me, her eyes soft. I felt a jolt to my stomach-impossible, I thought. I was inhuman. I wanted to do everything possible to keep that look on her face.

"Did you ever ythink that maybe my number was up the first time-with the van-and that you've been interfering with fate?"

"That wasn't the first time," I admitted to her quietly. "Your number was up the first time I met you." When I wanted nothing more than to drain you of your blood, to leave you for dead.

"Do you remember?" I asked her, hoping that she understood my meaning.

She nodded, her face serene. "Yes, I remember."

"And yet here you sit." Despite everything.

"Yes," she said. "Here I sit, because of you." She looked away, then met my gaze again. "Because somehow you knew how to find me today?"

I told her, how I listened to Jessica's mind, realizing that she wasn't with them anymore. How I drove around in frustration, hoping to find her, finding myself unable to shake the sense of dread I felt.

The anger surged through me as I remembered them. "I heard what they were thinking. I saw your face in his mind." I pressed my hand to my eyes, in part knowing that they would be black, betraying my strong emotions, in part because I couldn't look at her-the face of an angel and think of the lewd thoughts of that bastard.

"I was very…hard-you can't imagine how hard-it was for me to simply take you away, to leave them…alive. I couldn't let you go with Jessica and Angela but I was afraid if you left me alone, I would go looking for them."

I would go looking for them.

I wonder what she thought of me, if now she was finally scared.

"Are you ready to go home?" I asked her softly.

"I'm ready to leave," she said. Leave it to Bella to make that distinction.

Our waitress appeared, wondering what our conversation was about, hoping that it was a breakup.

"How are we doing?" she asked.

"We're ready for the check," I told her, my mind somewhere else.

'_My God-imagine hearing that voice in bed.'_ "Sure. Here you go."

I pulled a bill out of my wallet, knowing that it would cover the bill and then some.

"No change."

I stood, wondering if I should offer to help Bella out of her seat.

"You have a nice evening," the waitress said.

I continued to look at Bella, preferring to look at her than the cheapness of the waitress, thanking her only to be polite.

I wanted to touch her, perhaps place my arm around her shoulders or waist, having her and her warmth as close to me as possible.

I opened the car door for her, deciding to interrogate her. Turnabout was fair play, after all.

I turned on the heat full blast, knowing that she had to be cold. She was grateful for that, I thought, though I noticed that she was still smelling my jacket, my scent probably luring her in.

I drove out of Port Angeles, happy to be out.

"Now," I announced, "it's your turn."


	13. Chapter 13

We sped along the freeway, allowing me the pleasure of going much faster than the speed limit allowed.

"Can't I just ask one more question?" she pleaded.

I sighed, wondering what her question would be. I doubted that she would ever run out of questions.

"One," I told her sternly.

"You said you know I hadn't gone into the bookstore, that I had gone south. How did you know that?"

I looked away, trying to decide how to tell her, how much to tell her. I wanted to protect her, to keep her at an arm's length, hoping she would stay just a little bit longer because I hadn't given her the full story and if I gave her the full story she would leave.

Bella was getting impatient. "I thought we were past the evasiveness," she grumbled.

She wanted the truth? Fine. "I followed your scent," I told her frankly.

I waited for her to say something, to tell me how frightening my admission was, how much of a freak I was.

"Then you didn't answer one of my first questions…" she trailed off.

I knew she wouldn't let me question her. "Which one?" I asked her.

"How does it work-the mind reading thing? Can you read anybody's mind? Anywhere? How do you do it? Can the rest of your family…?"

I smiled, her voice just trying to keep up with the pace, stumbling over the speed of her questions, just like Bella herself.

"That's more than one," I pointed out, hoping to lay her questioning to rest. Instead she waited patiently for my answer.

"No, it's just me. I hadn't hear anyone, anywhere. I have to be fairly close. The more familiar someone's…voice is, the farther away I can hear them. But still, no more than a few miles." I tried to think of a metaphor, something that she could better understand. "It's a little like being in a huge hall filled with people, everyone talking at once. It's just a hum, a buzzing of voices in the background. That is, until I can hear one voice and then what they're thinking is clear.

"Most of the time I tune it all out-it can be very distracting. Then it's easier to seem normal," as if I could fall into the category of normal, "when I'm not accidentally answering someone's thoughts rather than their words."

It felt strange, telling her this. I had never really spoken to anyone about my power, except for Carlisle and Alice. Yet telling Bella felt strangely good, like I was unburdening myself with an unnecessary secret.

"Why do you think you can't hear me?" she asked me.

Another question. This time I didn't have an answer.

"I don't know," I told her honestly. "The only guess I have is that maybe your mind doesn't work the same way the rest of theirs do. Like your thoughts are on the AM frequency and I'm only getting FM." I grinned, pleased with my metaphor.

"My mind doesn't work right? I'm a freak?" she asked, panicked.

"I hear voices in my mind and you're worried that you're the freak," I laughed, unable to enjoy the absurdity of her question. "Don't worry, it's just a theory…which brings us back to you." The perfect segue.

"Aren't we past all evasiveness now?" I asked her.

She sighed and I wondered why she was so reluctant to tell me about herself.

"Holy cow! Slow down!" She yelled.

"What's wrong?" I asked her, startled by her sudden exclamation.

"You're going a hundred miles per hour!" She shrieked, her voice uncharacteristically high.

A hundred? I was going slower than usual. "Relax, Bella."

"Are you trying to kill us?" she demanded, her voice still high.

"We're not going to crash," I assured her.

"Why are you in such a hurry?"

"I always drive this way," I explained to her.

I smiled at her, hoping to reassure her. Her eyes became wider, her breathing stopping for a millisecond.

"Keep your eyes on the road!" She demanded after a beat.

"I've never been in an accident, Bella, I've never even gotten a ticket." I grinned again, making a joke of my abilities. "Built in radar detector."

"Very funny," she told me angrily. "Charlie's a cop, remember? I was raised to abide by traffic laws. Besides, if you turn into a Volvo pretzel around a tree trunk, you can probably just walk away."

"Probably. But you can't," I reminded her softly. I took my foot off the gas, letting the car drift to eighty. I sighed. "Happy?" I asked her.

"Almost."

"I hate driving slow," I grumbled.

"This is slow?" She asked me unbelievably.

"Enough commentary on my driving," I snapped. "I'm still waiting for you latest theory," I reminded her.

She bit her lip, suddenly looking very vulnerable.

"I won't laugh," I promised.

"I'm more afraid you'll be angry," she whispered.

"Is it that bad?" Maybe she didn't think I was Bruce Wayne.

"Pretty much, yeah."

I waited, wondering what she thought I was. "Go ahead," I encouraged.

"I don't know how to start," she admitted.

"Why don't you start from the beginning? You said you didn't come up with this on your own."

"No."

"What got you started-a book? Movie?" Full of questions, so unwilling to provide answers.

"No. It was Saturday, at the beach," she looked at me, checking my reaction.

"I ran into a family friend-Jacob Black. His dad and Charlie have been friends since I was a baby."

Where was she taking this?

"His dad is one of the Quileute elders."

Now I knew where this was going. The Quieutes were the only ones that knew what we truly are. Just as we knew what they truly were.

"We went for a walk and he was telling me some of the old legends, trying to scare me, I think. He told me one…" she trailed off.

"Go on," I told her.

"About vampires," she whispered the words.

I gripped the steering wheel, wishing that the conversation would not take this turn. "And you immediately thought of me?"

"No, he….mentioned your family," she told me.

She knew. She didn't consciously know it, but she knew that I was a vampire. I had wanted to lie to her, my teasing about her theories was just that-teasing. I would eventually leave her, as I had to. It was the easiest way, the simplest way, to go about things.

Despite it being easy, it wasn't to be. I knew she would eventually find out but I wanted to be the one to tell her. I would have told her eventually. To have her hear from our enemies was worse.

"He just thought it was a silly superstition," she assured me quickly. "He didn't expect me to think anything of it. It was my fault. I forced him to tell me."

"Why?" I couldn't imagine Bella using any interrogation techniques on one of those dogs.

"Lauren said something about you, she was trying to provoke me. An older boy from the tribe said your family didn't come to the reservation, only it sounded like he meant something different. So I got Jacob alone and I tricked it out of him," she confessed, her face prettily red with a blush.

"Tricked him how?"

"I tried to flirt-it worked better than I thought it would," she said, hardly believing her own words.

"I'd like to have seen that." I doubted anyone-mortal, vampire, or dog, could have resisted her if she set her mind to flirt. "And you accuse me of dazzling people-poor Jacob Black." He hadn't stood a chance.

"What did you do then?"

"I did some research on the Internet."

Oh all the places to look-completely full of misinformation about us.

"And did that convince you?" I hoped to sound disinterested, hoping that sounded like I cared not one bit that she thought I was a vampire.

"No, nothing fit. Most of it was kind of silly. And then…"

Why did she insist of being so damn frustrating! "What?"

"I decided it didn't matter."

I couldn't believe her, I didn't want to believe her. She should be running-recognizing the monster that I was, refusing to carry on an sort of relationship to me.

"It didn't matter?"

"No," her voice as soft as an angel's, "It doesn't matter to me what you are."

A being not fit to be in society? A thing that could not go out into direct sunlight? A monster that thirsted for her blood?

No. She couldn't possibly accept that.

"You don't care if I'm a monster? If I'm not human?"

"No," soft again, yet still unyielding in her conviction.

"You're angry," she sighed, upset. "I shouldn't have said anything."

"No," I said, still angry, angry at myself for being unfit to be in her presence, for what monster was allowed near an angel? Angry at her for giving me such acceptance, for being a little fool. "I'd father know what you're thinking-even if what you're thinking is insane," I conceded.

"So I'm wrong again?"

I couldn't lie to her. "That's not what I was referring to. 'It doesn't matter'!" I spat back at her.

"I'm right?" She was incredulous at the thought.

"Does it matter?" I threw her words back at her.

I heard her intake of breath, how she slowly let it out before answering me. "Not really," she said. "But I am curious."

Go figure. "What are you curious about?" Then again, what AREN'T you curious about?

"How old are you?"

I answered without thinking, as I always did. "Seventeen."

"How long have you been seventeen?" she asked shrewdly.

"A while," I admitted.

"Okay," she smiled, the first she graced me with the entire night. I looked down at her, wishing desperately I was worthy of her, worried that the knowledge that I was a vampire would send her off into shock. She only smiled wider.

"Don't laugh, but how can you come out during the daytime?" she asked me innocently.

I laughed, I always found enjoyment in the myths about us. "Myth."

"Burned by the sun?"

"Myth."

"Sleeping in coffins?"

"Myth." I hesitated, wondering if I should offer more. "I can't sleep."

I wondered if she would ask me how I spent me nights-it was the most obvious follow-up question. Would I tell her I spent them watching her sleep?

"At all? She asked instead.

"Never."

I looked at her, wishing I could hear her, wishing I was human. I hadn't had as hard of a time as some of my siblings, yet I found myself wishing that I could sleep as she did, that I could dream of her.

"You haven't asked me the most important question," I noted.

"Which one is that?"

"Aren't you concerned about my diet?" I asked her, sarcasm dripping from my voice.

"Oh," she said quietly. "That."

"Yes, that. Don't you want to know if I drink blood?"

She flinched, the bluntness of my words hurting her. "Jacob said something about that."

"What did Jacob say?" I asked, knowing that surely the legends greatly exaggerated.

"He said you didn't…hunt people. He said your family wasn't supposed to be dangerous because you only hunted animals."

"He said we weren't dangerous?" The Quileutes distrusted us greatly.

"Not exactly. He said you weren't supposed to be dangerous. But the Quileutes still didn't' want you on their land, just in case."

I remained in silence, wondering what she thought. Knowing Bella, I doubted she thought we were dangerous. Still, I wondered. I wondered what the Quileute boy told her, I wondered what she thought of the boy and his stories.

"So was he right? About not hunting people?" She asked.

"The Quileutes have a long memory," I whispered, mostly to myself.

"Don't let that make you complacent, though," I warned her. I had to convey to her that I was a danger to her. "They are right to keep their distance. We are still dangerous."

She frowned, "I don't understand."

How could I explain to her that no matter what we thirsted for blood-except for Carlisle, who had hundreds of years to conquer his thirst? "We try. We're usually very good at what we do. Sometimes we make mistakes. Like allowing myself to be alone with you."

"This is a mistake?" Bella asked, disappointed.

For her it was, as it was for me. If I was the least bit sane, I would have stayed as far away from her as possible. But I loved being with her, knowing that she was safe, saving her even though I felt panic whenever she was in danger.

I wondered what would happen after I dropped her off. If I would go to school the next day and find that she was avoiding me like the plague, that this would be my only chance to truly talk to Bella.

"Tell me more," she begged. I wondered if she was desperate as I was to make this night last.

"What more do you want to know?"

"Tell me why you hunt animals instead of people," she suggested.

"I don't want to be a monster."

"But animals aren't enough?" she observed.

"I can't be sure, of course, but I'd compare it to living on tofu and soy milk. We call ourselves vegetarians, our little inside joke. It doesn't completely satiate the hunger, or rather thirst. But it keeps us strong enough to resist. Most of the time," I thought of the time I met Bella, how hard it was even though I wasn't thirsty. "Sometimes it's more difficult than others."

"Is it very difficult for you now?"

Being in such proximity to her? Feeling the warmth radiate off of her, hear the beat of her heart, smell the amazing smell of her blood?

"Yes."

"But you're not hungry now," she told me, her voice not in question.

"Why do you think that?"

"Your eyes," she told me simply. " I told you I had a theory. I've noticed that people-men in particular, are crabbier when they're hungry."

I laughed. Her observation was so dead on, so simple. "You're observant, aren't you?"

"Were you hunting this weekend, with Emmett?"

"Yes," I had to, in order to be with her. But I didn't want to and maybe if I hadn't, none of this would have happened. "I didn't want to leave but it was necessary. It's a bit easier to be around you when I'm not thirsty."

"Why didn't you want to leave?"

"It makes me…anxious…nervous…to be away from you." I looked at her, so happy to finally be with her, to not be in that constant state of nervousness because I wasn't in Bella's presense. "I wasn't joking when I asked you to try to not fall in the ocean or get un over last Thursday. I was distracted all weekend, worrying about you. After what happened tonight, I'm surprised that you did make it through a whole weekend unscathed." I shook my head, then remembered the almost-healed scrapes on her hand. "Well, not totally unscathed."

"What?"

"Your hands," I reminded her. Bella was probably injured so much that she forgot what injuries she'd sustained.

"I fell," she sighed.

"That's what I thought," I smiled. "I suppose, being you, it could have been very much worse. That possibility has tormented me the entire time I was away. It was a very long three days. I really got on Emmett's nerves." He refused to hunt with me for extended periods of time until "I got over the human."

"Three days? I thought you got back today."

"No, we got back Sunday."

"Then why weren't you in school?"

Did I hear anger in her voice? Was she upset that I wasn't there?

"Well, you asked if the sun hurt me and it doesn't. But I can't go out in the sunlight, at least not with anyone looking."

"Why?"

"I'll show you sometime." I had this compulsion every single side of me. I would have to show her sometime why I was absent during the sunnier days. Perhaps if she finally saw what a freak I was, she would leave.

"You might have called me," she accused.

Why would I do that? How could I possibly call her? "But I knew you were safe."

"But I didn't know where you were. I-"

Hope surged through me. Was she honestly concerned about me? I wanted to think that she thought about me, just as I thought about her, constantly. Was my name that was on her lips an indication that she cared about me, dare I say it, beginning to love me?

"What?" I asked her, urging her to finish her sentence.

"I didn't like it, not seeing you. It makes me anxious, too."

She was blushing, searching my face for my reaction.

"Ah," I groaned. "This is wrong."

I was falling even more in love with her. She worried about me, keeping herself up at night worrying about me.

This was wrong. She shouldn't feel this way, she shouldn't love someone so unworthy of her love.

"What did I say?"

"Don't you see, Bella? It's one thing for me to make myself miserable, but a wholly other thing for you to be so involved. I don't want to hear that you feel that way. It's wrong. It's not safe. I'm dangerous, Bella. Please," I begged, "grasp that."

"No," she said petulantly. She stuck her bottom lip out and it was suddenly very hard to breathe. Why did she have to make this so hard?

"I'm serious," I growled at her.

"So am I," she told me stubbornly. "I told you, it doesn't matter what you are. It's too late."

No! She could not think that. I was constantly a danger to her, constantly fighting to make sure that I didn't sink my teeth into her flesh, drinking her life away. It was not too late. Not for her.

"Never think that," I commanded her.

I hurt her, the pain on her face was evident. I wanted to tell her that I loved her too much to have her risk her life for me, that I was unworthy of her, that the monster in me was too strong, that I would eventually lose the war.

"What are you thinking?" I asked her. I wanted desperately to soothe the hurt that she obviously felt.

I watched her face, wishing the pain would erase itself. I saw the tear drops stream down her face.

"Are you crying?" I had no idea how to comfort her. Vampires couldn't cry, I couldn't remember the time I was directly involved with a crying female.

"No," she said, but her voice lilted, betraying the falseness of her words.

I reached out to cup her cheek, wishing to comfort her in someway. I pulled back, knowing that I would only hurt her and myself more.

"I'm sorry," the words weren't enough. I had made her cry. I doomed her with my presence.

I tried to distract her, wanting to know something that I hadn't gotten the chance to ask her. "Tell me something."

"Yes?"

"What were you thinking tonight, just before I cam around the corner? I couldn't understand your expression-you didn't look that scared, you looked like you were concentrating very hard on something."

"I was trying to remember how to incapacitate an attacker-you know, self-defense. I was going to smash his nose into his brain."

What was she possibly thinking? Bella, little, fragile Bella attacking someone? "You were going to fight them? Didn't you think of running?" Like a normal person?

"I fall down a lot when I run."

Knowing Bella, she probably would have injured herself more if she had run.

"What about sreaming for help?"

"I was getting there."

I sighed. "You were right-I'm definitely fighting fate trying to keep you alive."

"Will I see you tomorrow?" she asked.

"Yes, I have a paper due, too." I smiled, "I'll save you a seat at lunch."

I stopped the car in her driveway, realizing that she managed to ask all the questions once again.

"Do you promise to be there tomorrow?" she asked me.

I smiled, thrilled that it meant so much to her that I would be there. "I promise."

She thought about it for a minute, then accepted my promise with a nod of her head. She took my jacket off, handing it back to me.

"You can keep it-you don't have a jacket for tomorrow," I told her. Part of me loved the thought of her wearing my jacket, a subtle claim to her.

"I don't want to have to explain it to Charlie," she told me.

"Oh, right." Bella was right. It was easier to not have to explain it to him.

I looked to the woods, swearing I could smell them. They wouldn't dare…I had to warn her, without giving too much information. It would only lead to more questions but I had to. She had to know.

"Will you promise me something?" I asked her. It was only fair, after all, she made me promise to come to school.

"Yes?"

"Don't go into the woods alone." I couldn't bear the thought of those dogs going anywhere near her.

"Why?"

Why couldn't she just accept my warning?

"I'm not always the most dangerous thing in the forest. Let's leave it at that."

"Whatever you say."

"I'll see you tomorrow," I promised her, thankful that she had left it alone. Though she didn't know it, I would probably see her tonight, after I finished hunting. I sighed, wishing that I prolong the moment just a little longer.

"Tomorrow, then," she said sadly.

"Bella?" I leaned toward her, wondering if I could dazzle her again.

Her scent was glorious, her lips slightly parted, her eyes wide.

"Sleep well," I told her.

Her heart stopped beating, just for a second. I pulled away, satisfied that I affected her as much as she affected me. I watched her stumble out of the car, using the frame for support. Only Bella would manage to injure herself while getting out of a car, I chuckled to myself.

I waited until she got to the front door, confident that she would be safe until I was with her again and drove home.


	14. Chapter 14

zWhen I came home Alice was watching 'Casablanca', sitting on Jasper's lap. She was a glutton for old movies, once buying the sunglasses Audrey Hepburn wore in 'Breakfast at Tiffany's.'

"So I'm guessing that we're sitting somewhere else tomorrow?" Alice asked me.

Jasper was confused. "Why would we sit somewhere else?"

"Edward asked Bella to lunch," Alice said. "It's about time," she continued, "I thought he was never going to do it."

"I was working up to it," I defended.

Alice giggled. "You were so nervous. It was funny. So do we get to meet her?"

Jasper panicked for a second, wondering if he was strong enough to be near her.

"I don't think it would be a good idea, Alice," I told her.

She turned to her husband, kissing him on the cheek. "You're stronger than you think you are," she told him.

He marveled how much confidence she had in him, even though they had been together for so long. Alice giggled, "You're so silly sometimes," she told him, leading him by the hand to their room, leaving me alone.

I looked at the clock, Bella wouldn't be asleep for hours. Yet I was anxious to see her, though I had only seen her a hour ago.

"Hello, Edward." It was Carlisle, home from his shift at the hospital.

"Hello, Carlisle," I said politely. I wondered how I could make this a short conversation. I wanted to hunt before I returned to Bella.

He frowned. "Is everything all right?"

"Yes, why?"

"You seem nervous about something. Has something happened to Bella Swan?"

"No! God, no, she's fine." Images of the night ran through my head. I was still livid, I still wanted to kill them.

"Sit down, Edward," he told me.

I sat, not really having much choice in the matter. Carlisle's voice told me I had authority to refuse.

"What happened?" he asked me simply.

I was silent for a while, trying to gather my thoughts.

'_Don't upset yourself, Edward. Know that I will never be ashamed of you.'_

"There were men. Four of them. They wanted to hurt her."

"Edward! My god-is she all right?" Carlisle's voice was full of concern.

"She's fine, I saved her. But I-"

Carlisle held his breath. His head filled with images of me.

"No, I didn't. I wanted to, but I didn't. I couldn't. Not in front of her."

Carlisle exhaled, then comprehension dawned on his face. "You love her. Esme told me you did, but I hadn't truly seen it yet. But you love her."

"Yes, I do."

It was the first time I had said it in so many words, yet I knew it to be true. I loved her. I tried to deny myself of the truth, but it came through anyway.

Carlisle smiled. "You just realized it, didn't you?"

I smiled back. "She is amazing."

Carlisle clasped me on the shoulder. "I'm so proud of you. But, Edward," he eyes turned serious, "I want you to be careful."

I nodded, understanding his meaning. "I will."

"Do you mean to hunt?"

"Yes."

Carlisle nodded. "Good."

Her scent was still with me, following me as if Bella herself was by my side. It was comforting, even if the scent tantalized me like no other.

I hunted, knowing I had to, if only to fill the hours until I saw her again. It was what gave me the strength to be near her, to resist the urge to kill her.

I was amazed by the anger that I still had for those monsters in Port Angeles. I still wanted to kill them, wanted to make them pay for attempting to hurt Bella.

I was not that monster anymore. I couldn't go and find them, kill them, because I wanted them to pay for their sins. Though they deserved it, killing them would still go against Carlisle's beliefs.

I went to Bella's house, waiting for her to go to sleep. I felt calmer than I had on the way over, I no longer was making plans to return to Port Angeles.

I was right where I wanted to be.

It took her longer to go to sleep tonight. Usually she read until 10:30 and was asleep. Tonight it was past eleven and she was still up. I wondered if she was scared, if the shock of what happened to her-what almost happened to her had finally sunk in.

The light finally went out. I could go in.

She was restless tonight, talking more than she usually did.

"Edward!" she called to me more than once.

I wanted to go to her side, to comfort her. I couldn't. I was merely an observer.

She finally settled down, her talking gently receding.

I went to her, finally unable to conquer my desires. I traced her cheek bone. She smiled, leaning into my hand. I wanted to keep my hand there, letting it frame her face and simply stay there as long as she let me, completely enveloped in her presence, reveling in the peace that washed over me.

I had to leave soon, it was almost time to break it to my family that I was taking Bella to school. I wanted to know what she was going to say to her friends.

More than that, I wanted to be with her.

Rosalie was going to be furious.

I tore my hand away from Bella's face, inhaling the scent that still lingered, running back to the house.

"Where have you been?" Emmett greeted me.

"Out," I snapped, since when did he become the protective big brother?

"Edward! We were very worried about you," Esme admonished.

Alice merely smiled at me. _'You're falling in love with her.'_ She thought smugly.

Rosalie came down the stairs, worried that her hair wasn't exactly right. "Aren't we going now?" she asked impatiently.

"Actually, I'm going to take Bella to school today," I told her.

Rosalie's eyes widened. "You're taking _her_ to school?" she hissed.

"Yes," I said defiantly.

"What the hell is the matter with you Edward? She is a human. Do you plan to change her as Alice sees or is she just your play thing? You're going to have to kill her or change her, Edward. You cannot continue this! I will not allow you to destroy this family all for a human!" she screamed at me.

"Are you done?" I hissed.

"Not. Even. Close."

"Edward! Rosalie!" Esme cried.

I felt Jasper's effects on us.

"Thank you," Esme told him. "Now, Edward has made a choice, Rosalie. He has to live with that choice, as do all of us."

"Edward." She turned to me. "Please understand that Rosalie is worried as we all are. We just want to make sure that nothing…happens."

"Nothing is going to happen!" I shouted.

"Edward Anthony! You will not speak to me like that. Apologize this instant!"

"I'm sorry, Esme," I said sincerely.

"Thank you. We will talk later. Pick up Bella. Rosalie, I'm sure you can just drive to school yourself."

"Fine," she said curtly. "_I think I'll take the convertible."_

I cringed. She insisted on not fitting in.

"Sweet!" Emmett exclaimed. "Rose, can I drive?"

"Maybe if you're a good boy," she said coyly, walking to the garage.

I sighed. This day was not boding well.

Alice bounced to me. Oddly enough she was optimistic during the entire episode. "It's ok, Edward. Actually, you're really going to really like this day."

I doubted it, though I trusted Alice unequivocally, but I doubted that it would be a good day.

I got in my Volvo, realizing that the jacket Bella was still tossed in the back seat. It still had her scent, though it was, albeit, faded.

I hoped I could get her to accept a ride. I thought she would-it was obvious that she had somewhat of a crush on me. After all, she said my name in her sleep.

I waited in her driveway, hoping that she wouldn't try to run me over in that ridiculous truck of hers. I hoped that she would accept my offer of a ride.

If wishes were horses…


	15. Chapter 15

It was foggy today, I imagined that a human wouldn't be able to see much farther than a few feet in front of him. The fog was merely an annoyance at most for me, making it slightly harder to see but not quite. I waited for her to come, hoping that she would hurry already. It would have been so much more convenient to hear her mind flitting around. At least then I would be prepared for her.

She appeared outside her door just like I had conjured her out of my mind.

She was frowning at the sky, deep in thought. I remembered that she didn't like rain. She walked to the Volvo, unaware that she was doing so until she was at the passenger door. I opened the door for her, hoping that the move was suave and charming.

The look on her face was priceless, I bit back a laugh as she tried to recover from her surprise.

"Do you want to ride with me today?" I asked her.

I realized that it was a true question, not a mere formality to not make it look like I truly did know the answers to things. I hadn't asked a true question in ages.

I hadn't heard silence in ages.

Her heart was going twice its normal rate. I took comfort in the fact that she was as affected as I was.

"Yes, thank you," she said breathlessly. It was a wonderful sound, though I did prefer the rich tone of her voice when I wasn't dazzling her.

I breathed a sigh of relief, though part of me hoped that she would have refused. It was so much easier for her to reject me, to confirm my opinions on myself.

I got in, starting the car, realizing how truly warm it was and how, once again, I had become super-sensitized by her scent again.

"I brought the jacket for you," I said as she fingered the sleeve. "I didn't want you to get sick or something."

She laughed, the sound amazing, a sound that I couldn't possibly hope to replicate in music. "I'm not that delicate."

She put on the jacket regardless, pushing the sleeves back so she could free her hands.

She truly didn't realize how delicate she was. I could break her hand into a thousand pieces with only a turn on my wrist. I could kill her, in an instant, with no sort of struggle at all.

"Aren't you?"

She bit her lip, looking down and oddly silent as I continued to drive. It was strange, seeing her so silent, not filled with questions as she usually was.

"No twenty questions today?" I smirked at her, unable to resist the chance to tease her.

"Do my questions bother you?" she countered.

I thought about how she offered me absolution now matter how much the information I offered her should horrify her.

"Not as much as your reactions do," I answered her, enjoying the truth in my joke.

She frowned, her brow creased. "Do I react badly?"

Yes! No one should be that accepting of a monster. "No, that's the problem. You take everything so coolly-it's unnatural. It makes me wonder what you are truly thinking."

"I always tell you everything I'm thinking," she said defensively.

"You edit," I accused her. It was like reading a badly abridged book.

"Not very much," she said.

"Enough to drive me insane." Had I been able to sleep, I would have probably have lost a great amount trying to figure out her cryptic answers.

"You don't want to hear it," she mumbled.

I didn't think she had meant for me to hear the pain in her voice. I found myself at a loss of words, unable to formulate anything that would take that pain away.

"Where's the rest of your family?" she asked me suddenly.

I looked at the red convertible as we drove into the parking lot. "They took Rosalie's car." I shrugged, hoping to conceal the annoyance I still felt after my incident with Rosalie. "Ostentatious, isn't it?" I asked when I knew she would be able to see the car.

"Wow," Bella breathed, clearly in awe of the car. "If she has that, why does she ride with you?"

"Like I said, it's ostentatious. We try to blend in."

She laughed. "You don't succeed," she told me as we got out of the car.

"Why did Rosalie drive it if it's more conspicuous?" She continued.

I thought of the fight we had, how her decision to drive the convertible was a demonstration of how I broke the rules more than she. That no matter what she drove, no matter how she dressed, none of it would matter compared to the fact that I was enamored with Bella Swan.

I laughed bitterly. "Hadn't you noticed? I'm breaking all the rules now."

God help you.

We walked together inside the building. I wanted to put my arm around her, to close the inches of space between us. I wanted to feel her warmth, to have a physical reminder of why exactly it was that I was alienating most of my family.

"Why do you have cars like that at all?" She wondered out loud. "If you're looking for privacy?"

I smiled, happy to answer this question. "An indulgence. We all like to drive fast."

"Figures," she muttered.

I had managed to successfully ignore the buzz of thoughts going on around me, though I concentrated on Jessica's, ignoring the impulse to tell her that the extremely unattractive expression on her face was likely to freeze there if she wasn't careful.

'_They are totally dating! I CANNOT believe that Bella didn't tell me! She's wearing his jacket. Ohmigod, I would KILL to wear his jacket. How did she manage to catch such a god?'_

"Hey, Jessica," Bella called.

She wordlessly handed Bella her jacket that she brought with her.

"Good morning, Jessica," I told her politely.

'_Wow…'_ "Hi," she breathed.

'_She has to tell me EVERYTHING!' _"I'll see you in Trig, then," she said, the meaning in her voice unmistakable.

"Yeah," Bella said. "I'll see you."

She walked the way, unbelieving that Bella was even in my presence.

"What are you going to tell her?" I asked.

"Hey, I thought you said you couldn't read my mind!" She hissed at me.

Where was she going with this? "I can't," I reminded her. Ah. "I can, however, read hers. She'll be waiting to ambush you in class."

She groaned, taking off my jacket and putting on her own.

"So what are you going to tell her?" I asked again.

"A little help?" She asked. "What does she want to know?"

Oh no no no. I smiled. "That's not fair."

"No, you not sharing what you know-now that's not fair," she pointed out.

She had me there. I wasn't sure I could talk myself out of this one. I found that we were at the door of her first class.

"She wants to know if we're secretly dating. And she wanted to know how you feel about me," I added. It was purely selfish, though I knew it was a question Jessica would ask.

"Yikes," she said. "What should I say?"

"Hmm," I thought, thoroughly distracted by a strand of hair that had escaped the bun she put it in. Her heart rate doubled again as I put it back in its place, happy to touch her, happy to know that it was a welcome touch.

"I suppose you could say yes to the first…if you don't mind-it's easier than any other explanation."

"I don't mind," she said faintly.

"As for the other question…well, I'll be listening to hear the answer myself," I told her.

Her eyes were wide, her heart now in triple time. I walked away, leaving her in a dazzled state.

"I'll see you at lunch," I called to her.

I had little care to go to my next class. I merely wanted to stay for lunch, a circumstance I didn't imagine happening to me.

Dating Bella…it was my goal, after all. Dating wasn't was when I was human, though. I had very little experience in that area then and since becoming a vampire had no experience at all. I hadn't wanted to before.

'_I told you you would like today,' _Alice interrupted.

I smiled to myself. I should have known better than to doubt Alice.

'_You could have at least been more romantic about it. Though you made up for it later. It even made me sigh! Oh, Edward, it's so lovely!'_

I laughed, even in her thoughts Alice bounced around, ecstatically happy.

I went to my classes, paying less attention than usual. Thankfully, Bella's Trig class was near mine. I wouldn't have to strain much to hear the conversation in Jessica's head.

"Tell me everything!" She demanded as Bella sat down.

"What do you want to know?" Bella asked her. It was nice to know that I wasn't the only one that was the object to her endless questions.

"What happened last night?"

"He bought me dinner and then he drove me home," Bella told her simply.

'_Ugh! She is making this so difficult! He is so wasted on her.'_

"How did you get home so fast?"

"He drives like a maniac. It was terrifying."

'_I wouldn't care. Being in a car with Edward Cullen? Sigh…'_

"Was it like a date-did you tell him to meet you there?" _'I bet she did. Bitch.'_

"No, I was very surprised to see him there," Bella told her.

'_This is so disappointing. It's not even juicy.'_

"But he picked you up for school today?"

"Yes, that was a surprise too. He noticed I didn't have a jacket last night."

"So are you going out again?"_ 'Maybe this will get good.'_

"He offered to drive me to Seattle Saturday because he thinks me truck isn't up to it-does that count?" Bella offered.

"Yes." _'Duh!'_

"Well, then, yes."

"W-O-W." _'I bet you don't even realize how lucky you are.' _"Edward Cullen."

"I know," Bella sighed.

A thought occurred to Jessica. "Has he kissed you yet?"

"No," Bella mumbled, sounding surprisingly disappointed. "It's not like that."

'_How can it NOT be like that? It's freaking Edward Cullen!'_

"Do you think Saturday…?"

"I really doubt it," Bella said, her voice unhappy.

"What did you talk about?" Jessica pushed.

"I don't know, lots of stuff. We talked about the English essay."

'_You're talking about the stupid essay when you could have been kissing him?'_

"Please, Bella," Jessica begged. "Give me some details."

"Well, okay," Bella conceded. "I've got one. You should have seen the waitress flirting with him-it was over the top. But he didn't pay any attention to her at all," she said, sounding rather pleased.

I couldn't even remember the waitress. Bella was jealous? I smiled, happy that she cared so much that there were females interested in me.

"That's a good sign," Jessica encouraged. "Was she pretty?"

"Very-probably nineteen or twenty."

'_And he still picked you?' _"Even better. He must like you."

"I think so," Bella said doubtfully. "But it's hard to tell. He's so cryptic," she sighed.

"I don't know how you're brave enough to be alone with him."

"Why?" Bella asked, shocked. Only Bella couldn't sense what most could-that they should stay away from us.

"He's so…intimidating," _and hot_ "I wouldn't know what to say to him." _Ugh. I must have looked like such an idiot this morning!_

"I do have some trouble with incoherency when I'm around him," Bella confessed.

I smiled again. At least I wasn't the only one who didn't know what to say.

"Oh well," Jessica shrugged. "He is unbelievably gorgeous." _Who cares if you can't talk to him? You don't need to!_

"There's a lot more to him than that," Bella defended.

"Really? What?"

"I can't really explain it…but he's even more unbelievable behind the face." She sighed.

"Is that possible?" Jessica giggled.

"So you like him, then?" She pressed.

Good. I knew she would ask, though I was concerned that she hadn't yet. I held my breath, waiting for her answer.

"Yes," she said curtly.

Jessica sighed, "I mean, do you really like him?"

"Yes," Bella said.

I smiled, wishing that I could laugh in triumph. A part of me was worried, as illogical that it was, that what I felt was one sided.

"How much do you like him?"

"Too much," Bella said. "More than he likes me. But I don't see how I can help that."

I felt like a cold wind passed through me. How could she think that? I acted like a besotted idiot. Didn't she realize how much I loved her, that no matter what I did, I couldn't keep away from her? As much as she claimed I dazzled her, she dazzled me exponentially more.

I would have to prove that to her at lunch.


	16. Chapter 16

I waited outside her Spanish class, wishing the lunch bell would ring.

She cared about me and she thought more than I cared for her. I wondered if it would scare her away, if I let her know my true feelings. I had to take the chance, she had to know that she wasn't the only one swept up in the wave.

She was the first one out the door when the bell rang, looking as anxious as I felt.

Jessica was next to her, sickened and jealous by Bella's reaction and the fact that I was waiting for her.

"See you later, Bella," she said. _'Oh, I'm so going to find out the details tonight!'_

"Hello."

She blushed, "Hi."

As we walked I could hear ever single thought of the boys around me.

'_Figures Cullen gets the new hot girl…I guess we could always share…'_

'_He is so doing her, he'd be a fool not too.'_

Every comment I heard angered me even more, making me want to make them sorry for thinking that way about her.

I stole glances at her, watching her as she blushed profusely and fidgeted nervously with her hair and her jacket in the most adorable of fashions.

I went through the line, picking up various foods I thought she would like. Oddly enough I wanted to know-what she liked, what she disliked.

"What are you doing?" she demanded. "You're not getting all of that for me?"

I shook my head, hoping that this wouldn't be a big scene. Most didn't notice that we didn't partake in eating. Hopefully Bella wouldn't draw attention.

"Half is for me, of course," I told her.

She looked at me with such comic skepticism that I wanted to laugh. I led her to the end of a table where we sat before; trying to tone out the rumors and the comments for the peanut gallery.

I pushed the tray towards her. "Take whatever you want."

She picked up an apple. "I'm curious, what would you do if someone dared you to eat food?"

I grimaced, the thought was thoroughly revolting. "You're always curious."

I nevertheless took up her dare, wanting to impress her, even if I would suffer for it later. I took a bite of pizza, overwhelmed by the noxious smell, swallowing just as quickly.

'_Eww, Edward, that's so gross!'_ Emmett exclaimed. _'Dude, I seriously cannot believe you did that!'_

The look on Bella's face was priceless, her eyes were wider than saucers.

"If someone dared you to eat dirt, you could, couldn't you?"

She wrinkled her nose, an oddly cute gesture. "I did once…one a dare." She bit her lip, looking down. "It wasn't so bad."

I laughed, "I suppose I'm not surprised."

'_Laughing. That's a good sign. Ooh, he's leaning closer to her.'_

Bella looked at me questioningly. "Jessica's analyzing everything I do-she'll break it down for you later," I explained, pushing the pizza towards her.

She ate, taking a few bites of the pizza.

'_I believe you wanted to dazzle her, Edward?' _Alice reminded me.

I thought back to the conversation I overheard. "So the waitress was pretty, was she?"

"You really didn't notice?"

"No, I wasn't paying attention. I had a lot on my mind." Like telling you how I was scared, that I was a vampire and I cannot think of anything else but you.

"Poor girl," Bella said sympathetically.

I leaned closer to her. "Something you said to Jessica…well, it bothers me." I bent my head, looking at her from under my eyelashes, my voice low.

Bella frowned and for a second I was afraid she was unimpressed by my dazzling skills. "I'm not surprised you heard something you didn't like," she said archly. "You know what they say about eavesdroppers."

"I warned you I would be listening," I reminded her.

"And I warned you that you didn't want to know everything I was thinking."

"You did," I conceded, my voice still low. "You aren't precisely right, though. I do want to know what you're thinking-everything. I just wish…that you wouldn't be thinking some things."

She scowled. "That's quite a distinction."

"But that's not really the point at the moment."

"Then what is?" she asked me.

Our foreheads were almost touching, we were so close, I was completely enveloped in her scent, even though there were at least a hundred humans in the room.

"Do you truly believe that you care more for me than I do for you?" I asked her, leaning in ever so closer, listening to her heart accelerate.

"You're doing it again," she murmured.

My eyes widened, the moment ruined. "What?"

"Dazzling me," she answered.

"Oh." Could I do anything right?

"It's not your fault," she sighed. "You can't help it."

"Are you going to answer the question?"

"Yes," she said, looking down.

How many ways could yes be taken? Talking to her was so frustrating!

"Yes, you are going to answer or yes, you really think that?"

"Yes, I really think that," she whispered.

She honestly believed it? How could a goddess believe that a demon couldn't love her? That I couldn't pay her any attention, to not fall in love with her completely and thoroughly, unable to give any other thought but to her?

"You're wrong," I told her.

She looked up at me, her eyes hopeful.

She shook her head. "You can't know that."

"What makes you think so?" I asked her, opening my mind, hoping that I would hear her mind.

She stared back at me, not saying a word. The suspense was killing me, I wouldn't be able to convince her that she was wrong if I didn't know why.

My irritation must have shown because she held up a finger to me. "Let me think," she requested.

She played with her hands. "Well, aside from the obvious, sometimes…" she trailed off. "I can't be sure-I don't know how to read minds, but sometimes it seems like you're trying to say goodbye when you're saying something else."

"Perspective," I whispered. She summed up my anguish so succinctly and to recognize it-

"That's exactly why you're wrong though," I began, then remembered. "What do you mean, 'the obvious'?" I asked.

"Well, look at me," she said. How could I not? "I'm absolutely ordinary-well, except for bad things like all the near-death experiences and being so clumsy that I'm almost disabled. And look at you," she said, gesturing to me.

This goddess really thought that she was ordinary? She was clearly the only one who thought so. "You don't see yourself very clearly, you know. I'll admit that you're dead-on about the bad things," like almost getting raped and worse, "but you didn't hear what every human male in this school was thinking your first day."

She blinked. Clearly the thought that others found her attractive had never occurred to her.

"I don't believe it…" she murmured.

"Trust me, just this once-you are the opposite of ordinary." I had a line of boys more than willing to take my place should I fail to woo her.

"But I'm not saying goodbye," she pointed out.

"Don't you see? That's what proves me right. I care the most, because if I can do it-" I already knew I couldn't, why was I pretending I could?-"If leaving you is the right thing to do, then I'll hurt myself to keep from hurting you, to keep you safe."

It could possibly be the one thing that could kill me.

Her expression turned fierce. "And don't you think I would do the same?"

"You'd never have to make the choice." I would make sure Bella would never feel the anguish I felt.

'_Edward! Stop it! She is not going to fall in love with you if you keep acting like such a depressing child. Smile!' _Alice scolded.

I smiled, looking on the bright side. "Of course, keeping you safe is beginning to feel like a full-time occupation that requires my constant presence," I teased.

"No one has tried to do away with me today," she reminded me with a smile.

A flicker of sadness spread across her features. Oh-how I wished I knew what she was thinking! It went away as quickly as it came, with nary a word from Bella.

"Yet," I added. The day was still young.

"Yet," she agreed, nodding.

The mood was light. I wanted to ask her, finding myself reluctant to do so.

"I have another question for you," I tried to keep my tone as casual as possible.

"Shoot."

"Do you really need to go to Seattle this Saturday, or was that just an excuse to get out of saying not to all your admirers?"

She stuck her tongue out, as if she had just tasted something especially bitter. "You know, I haven't forgive you for the Tyler thing yet," she told me mockingly stern. "It's your fault that he's deluded himself into thinking I'm going to prom with him."

"Oh, he would have found a chance to ask you without me-I just really wanted to watch your face," I told her, laughing. "If I'd asked you, would you have turned _me _down?"

I knew she wouldn't have. She was, after all, female.

"Probably not," she admitted. "But I would have canceled later-faked an illness or a sprained ankle."

Was this some kind of tease? I couldn't tell if she was kidding. I wondered, for the thousandth time in our acquaintance, to know what she was thinking.

"Why would you do that?"

She shook her head sadly, as if I was missing a universal truth. "You've never seen me in Gym, I guess, but I would have thought you would understand."

Comprehension dawned on me. "Are you referring to the fact that you can't walk across a flat, stable surface without finding something to trip over?"

"Obviously."

"That wouldn't be a problem," I told her. "It's all in the leading."

She opened her mouth but I cut her off. As rude as it was, I wanted to-I needed to ask her. "But you never told me-are you resolved to going to Seattle, or do you mind if we do something different?"

"I'm open to alternatives. But I do have a favor to ask."

I doubted that I would like this favor, no matter how much I was in love with her.

"What?"

"Can I drive?"

Her questions were so arbitrary. "Why?"

"Well," she answered. "Mostly because when I told Charlie I was going to Seattle, he specifically asked if I was going alone and, at the time, I was. If he asked again, I probably wouldn't like, but I don't think he will ask again and leaving my truck at home would just bring up the subject unnecessarily. And also, because your driving frightens me."

I rolled my eyes. "Of all the things about me that could frighten you, you worry about my driving." I shook my head, completely flummoxed by her whims. "Won't you want to tell your father that you're spending the day with me?" I asked. Was I to be her dirty little secret? An affair that she would deny?

"With Charlie, less is always more. Where are we going anyway?"

"The weather will be nice," or so Alice told me, "so I'll be staying out of the public eye…and you can stay with me, if you'd like do."

"And you'll show me what you meant, about the sun?" she asked excitedly, like a child being told that she could have a treat.

"Yes," I said, happy to have made her so excited. She still hadn't said yes, though. "But if you don't want to be…alone with me, I'd still rather you didn't go to Seattle by yourself. I shudder to think of the trouble you could find in a city that size."

She frowned, "Phoenix is three times bigger than Seattle-just in population. In physical size-"

"But apparently, your number wasn't up in Phoenix. So I'd rather you stayed near me."

"As it happens," she said with a small smile, "I don't mind being alone with you."

"I know," the words should have elated me but instead they had the inverse effect of depressing me. "You should tell Charlie, though." I needed to know that someone knew she was with me. Someone who would miss her, should I lose control. I needed the incentive to bring her back.

"Why in the world would I do that?"

I decided to tell her the truth. "To give me some small incentive to bring you back."

She gulped, the fear in her eyes evident, if just for a brief flash. Then resolve was set on her face. "I think I'll take my chances."

I exhaled, wanting to shout at her that she endangered her life in the most heinous way when she was with me.

"Let's talk about something else," she suggested.

"What do you want to talk about?" I asked her. I was still angry-not at her but at myself-being unable to trust myself with her.

She glanced around, I assumed wondering if anyone was near. She caught the eyes of Alice.

'_Ooh, she has pretty eyes, Edward. I think she's just what you need. Stop being so hard on yourself. You wouldn't do anything.'_

The others were looking at me, wondering why I was risking so much, wondering why I was so angry. Rosalie was still mad, planning to make a big show of her convertible in the parking lot after school.

"Why did you go to that Goat Rocks place last weekend…to hunt? Charlie said it wasn't a good place to hike, because of bears."

I stared at her, wondering if she realized she had just answered her own question.

Comprehension lit her face. "Bears?" she gasped. She recovered. "You know, bears are not in season," she scolded.

"If you read carefully, the laws only cover hunting with weapons," I told her. Jasper had looked into it when we moved here.

Bella was still having trouble with the concept. It was mildly entertaining.

"Bears?" she chocked out.

"Grizzly is Emmett's favorite," I told her, carefully watching to see how she would react.

She took a breath. "Hmmm." She ate more pizza, then drinking some Coke. I wished she would say something, anything.

"So," she began. "What's your favorite?"

I raised my eyebrow, wondering why she wanted to know.

"Mountain lion," I told her, wondering if she would finally run away.

"Ah," her tone was disinterested, as if I just told her that it would rain tomorrow.

"Of course," I continued, determined to tell her all, "we have to be careful not to impact the environment with injudicious hunting. We try to focus on areas with an overpopulation of predators-ranging as far away as we need. There's always plenty of deer and elk here and they'll do, but where's the fun in that?"

"Where indeed?" She murmured to herself.

"Early spring is Emmett's favorite bear season-they're just coming out of hibernation, so they're more irritable." I smiled, thinking of the irony of Emmett's preferred animal.

"Nothing more fun than an irritated grizzly bear," she agreed, nodding.

I snickered, enjoying how nonchalantly she was taking this, knowing full well she was quaking inside. "Tell me what you are really thinking, please."

"I'm trying to picture it-but I can't," she told me. "How do you hunt a bear without weapons?"

"Oh, we have weapons," I smiled, showing her them. "Just not the kind they consider when writing hunting laws. If you've ever seen a bear attack a television, you should be able to visualize Emmett hunting," I said, trying to give her some mental picture.

She turned her head to look at him, obviously seeing him fully as a predator.

"Are you like a bear too?" she asked.

"More like a lion, or so they tell me," I answered. "Perhaps our preferences are indicative."

She smirked. "Perhaps," she echoed. "Is that something I might get to see?"

Fear ran through me. "Absolutely not!" I thundered. She would never see that side of me, never see the monster as it took over. I wouldn't be in control.

I would, most definitely, kill her.

She leaned back, frightened. I did the same, folding my arms, appalled at the thought.

Why couldn't she see that I was a monster? Why did she insist on seeing every single side of me?

"Too scary for me?" she teased.

"If that were it, I would take you out tonight," I bit out. "You need a healthy dose of fear. Nothing could be more beneficial for you."

I might just be the only thing that would keep her alive.

"Then why?" she asked.

I continued to glare at her, wondering if I should tell her how I let go of myself when I hunted, how I indulged in the blood lust that kept me alive.

If she was there, I would attack her and kill her before I knew what I was doing. I wouldn't care that she was human, I would only care for her compelling scent that sang to me like no other.

"Later," I decided. "We're going to be late," I explained before she could open that thoroughly distracting and infuriating mouth of hers.

She glanced around, noticing that everyone was nearly gone. She seemed surprised by this, as if waking up from a dream. She jumped up, grabbing her backpack from her chair.

"Later, then," she said.

We walked in silence to biology class. The student body was still abuzz at the news that we were together.

I sat close to her now, no longer at the edge of the table. I wanted to sit closer, but I was as close as propriety would allow.

Banner walked into the room, dragging a TV and VCR with him. He didn't feel like teaching, instead planning to show a documentary he used every year.

The room went black. The room seemed suddenly more intimate, as if Bella and I were the only ones in the room. I was deprived, only slightly, of my sight, my senses becoming even more attuned to her. I slid a fraction of an inch closer to her, acutely aware of her-her warmth, her scent, her beauty.

I wanted to touch her, to close my hand around hers, to wrap my arms around her waist. I wanted to frame her face with my hands, feel the warmth and the softness of her skin.

My hands curled into fists which I shoved under my arms. I looked sideways at her, grinning that she was having as much difficulty as I. It was comforting to know that I wasn't the only one about to lose my control. She grinned back, her heart racing.

It was excruciating, my mind spinning fantasies about her. I felt as if I was about to explode.

The lights came back on, the torture finally ceasing. Bella sighed, flexing her arms and fingers that she had contorted in an attempt to keep her control.

"Well, that was interesting," I commented.

She made a noncommittal noise, looking down at the floor.

"Shall we?" I asked, wondering if she would let me escort her to class.

She got up slowly, probably the most preferable way for Bella to stand up.

We walked to the gym. Newton was waiting for her inside. She turned to me, the control to touch her overwhelmed me again.

I shouldn't. I could hurt her. She was so damned fragile, yet I wanted desperately to touch her.

I touched her face lightly, quickly, knowing that I could only allow myself a brief touch.

Her skin was just as warm as I thought it would be, just as soft, as smoother than the finest silks that Rosalie and Alice owned. It was beautiful, touching her was as amazing as I had imagined.

I turned and left, with nary a word, unable to trust myself to talk. I didn't know what would flow out of my mouth-declarations of love or desperate pleadings for her to stay, for her to let me touch her more.

It was too much-a sensory overload that was too painful to bear.

Yet I knew I would do it again.

And again.

Gladly.


	17. Chapter 17

I found myself at the door of my next class, with no actual inclination to go. I was fluent in Spanish, I didn't need to go.

I wanted to see her-I needed to see her.

"_You've never seen me in gym."_

I would remedy that.

Bella looked dazed as she walked out of the locker room, making me swell with pride at the thought that I caused her to be so preoccupied.

I restrained a laugh as Bella was handed a racket. Her face fell as she was awoken from her dream state.

The class was told to divide into pairs. It was then that I noticed that Newton was in Bella's class. He came beside her, offering to be her partner in the badminton game. He really wanted to find out for himself whether or not Bella and I were dating.

"You really don't have to do this," Bella tried to tell him.

Newton smirked, convinced she was flirting with him. "Don't worry, I'll keep out of your way."

Yes, yes, clever Newton. I wondered if he had a headache from actually thinking.

I watched as Bella tried to participate. She managed to hit herself on the head and clip Newton's shoulder in the same swing. I covered my mouth so they couldn't hear my laugh.

'_How can someone so beautiful be so clumsy?'_ Newton thought as he rubbed his shoulder. Bella needed someone of stone to court her.

Like me.

She spent the rest of the time with the racket behind her back, generally staying out of everyone's way. It was probably for the best, considering she hit Newton.

He was trying to come up with the best way to bring me up. He was tried lines in his head, while trying to understand why Bella could have possibly turned him down.

"So you and Cullen, huh?" he finally blurted out with the finesse of a grizzly bear. I rolled my eyes-he didn't have any good ideas for bring up the subject of Bella's dating, but the way he went about it was so terribly, I hoped Bella would set him right.

I watched her tense, her lips pressed together into a thin line.

"That's none of your business, Mike," she cautioned.

'_Damn it.'_ "I don't like it," he said petulantly, like a child being told he couldn't go to the toy store.

"You don't have to," Bella snapped, walking slightly faster to get away from him.

"He looks at you like…like you're something to eat," Newton murmured, saying perhaps the most insightful thing he had ever whispered in his life. I was surprised-someone so obtuse as him was able to see the monster looking at Bella through my eyes.

The urge to eat her was nothing compared to the love I feel for her. While there was not a doubt in my mind that her blood would easily be the most glorious thing I would have ever tasted, her life, her soul was far more precious than the siren call of her blood.

Bella giggled, a hysterical giggle that showed me that she was far more affect by my vampirism than she let on. Mike glowered at her, unbelieving that she could possibly be turned on by my freakish looks.

I waited for her, hoping that Newton would insist on walking her out to her car so I could show him exactly how much Bella meant to me.

She came out alone, slightly troubled, her forehead creased.

She looked up, the tension washing from her face, leaving only a brilliant smile.

"Hi," she breathed. I reveled in the fact that I was the only who heard that tone of voice. She sounded nonchalant when talking to Newton, annoyed when talking to Tyler.

But I took the breath away from her.

I smiled, she brought with her a sun that I could happily exist in. "Hello. How was gym?"

Her brilliant smile faltered. "Fine," she said, clearly lying.

"Really?" I questioned her.

My mind caught Newton's thoughts as he walked by.

'_Figures. Stalker. Freak. She could do so much better than you.'_

His thoughts were too truthful for my comfort. I _knew_ I didn't deserve her, I was painfully aware of the fact that I was unfit to be around her.

That did not mean that I would give her up to the likes of Newton.

"What?" she demanded, pulling me out of my reverie.

I looked back to her, feeling slightly better. "Newton is getting on my nerves."

"You weren't listening again?" She asked horrified.

"How's your head?" I asked politely.

"You're unbelievable!" She exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air and stomping, very unladylike, towards the parking lot. I was afraid she was going to trip.

I kept her pace, even when I gave her a head start.

"You were the one who mentioned how I'd never seen you in Gym," I explained. "It made me curious." I felt the absurd need to explain myself to her.

She didn't respond, I assumed too angry to talk to me. I waited out her anger, wondering if I would have to dazzle her to get her to forgive me.

We had to stop a few feet from my car, so large was the congregation of little boys intrigued by the new toy.

I pushed my way through the crowd, wondering how in the name I was going to get out of this parking lot without killing a massive amount of people.

I looked over, seeing Rosalie in the middle of the crowd, soaking up the attention. She turned to me, giving me a smile.

'_What, Edward? If you're allowed to break the rules, aren't I?'_ Rosalie asked snidely.

"Ostentatious," I muttered.

"What kind of car is that?" Bella asked.

"An M3," I said, still distracted by Rosalie's show.

"I don't speak _Car and Driver_," Bella reminded me.

"It's a BMW," I simplified, maneuvering my car out of the way.

"Oh," she said simply.

"Are you still angry?"

Women were so weird. Rosalie would occasionally get angry at Emmett and would…withhold attentions until her capriciousness was over. Once when Alice dragged us all shopping Emmett saw a Sports Illustrated calendar which he promptly bought. Rosalie was furious for days, hurling auto parts at him and refused him entry into their room. Alice didn't really get angry at Jasper, her ability to see made it almost impossible for her to do so, mostly because she saw how he would make up any slight. Yet both Emmett and Jasper were devoted to their respective mates- they would become lost, without meaning. I never fully understood it, unable to see that I wasn't complete just yet, that there was an angel with the ability to redeem me.

Now I was stuck with a furious angel, one who, for some reason beyond my comprehension, was furious that I watched her from a far. Weren't most women flattered? Cyrano's Roxanne was flattered, The Phantom's Christine charmed.

Bella was furious at me.

Was this some weird post-modern feminism?

"Will you forgive me if I apologize?" I sighed, frustrated that I had no idea what she wanted.

"Maybe…if you mean it. And if you promise not to do it again," she dealt.

"How about if I mean it and I agree to let you drive Saturday?" I countered.

She thought for a while, then nodded. "Deal."

"Then I'm very sorry I upset you," I told her, looking at her intently, watching her eyes widen and her heart race as I dazzled her.

I grinned, knowing that I had won. "And I'll be on your doorstep bright and early Saturday morning."

"Um, it doesn't help the Charlie situation if an unexplained Volvo is left in the driveway."

Silly Bella. "I wasn't intending to bring a car."

"How-"

Endless questions! "Don't worry about it. I'll be there, no car."

She was oddly quiet, not even challenging me when I interrupted her.

"Is it later yet?" she asked me.

I knew there was a reason why she was so quiet, just as I knew, without reading her mind, what she meant.

"I supposed it is later," I conceded.

She waited for me to continue and answer her question.

I stopped the car, turning to look at her. Would she run away when I told her? I had finally see her show displeasure towards my abilities when I used them to watch her in Gym. Would knowing that I was nothing more than an animal be enough, finally?

It would probably do her good to know-instill some fear into her. One day she would see that I wasn't the hero in this story, I was the villain.

"And you still want to know why you can't see me hunt?" I asked.

"Well, I was mostly wondering about your reaction," she explained.

"Did I frighten you?" I didn't see the possibility happening.

"No," she was clearly lying. She was rather bad at it.

"I apologize for scaring you. It was just the thought of you being there…while we hunted…" the thought was repulsing.

"That would be bad?"

I clenched my teeth, wishing I could make her see how bad it truly was.

"Because…?"

I looked out the window, watching the clouds, knowing that as soon as I looked into Bella's eyes I would be lost, unable to tell her how horrendous it would be.

"When we hunt, we give ourseleves over to our senses…govern less with our minds. If you were anywhere near me when I lost control that way…" I shook my head, trying to clear the images I had from Alice's vision of Bella dead.

I finally turned my gaze to her, wondering if I would see the panic that I wanted her to feel.

Yet there was nothing, nothing to tell me how she truly felt. Nothing but Bella offering me acceptance that I didn't deserve, absolution that I didn't ask for.

I couldn't look away, as much as I wanted to break my gaze. My senses heightened, her blood calling to me, her eyes darker, a blush on her cheeks, her lips parted in invitation.

I could kiss her. Her father wasn't home, wouldn't be home for hours. She wanted it, just as much as I. The car was so small and warm, her face so close to mine. I had daydreamed about what she would feel like, what she would taste like, unable to keep at bay fantasies I knew I couldn't harbor. I wanted, more than anything, to find out if my fantasies would live up to the real thing.

She drew a ragged breath, she hadn't been breathing for the duration of my stare. I closed my eyes, unbelieving that I had come so close to kissing her, knowing that I was lacking even more control than usual.

"Bella, I think you should go inside now," I couldn't look at her, if I did there wouldn't be anything stopping me from kissing her as I wanted.

She wordlessly stepped out of the car, closing the door behind her. I watched her walk away, gaining more control over myself, realizing once again she had managed to ask all the questions, leaving me with a mystery.

I couldn't have that happen, now.

I rolled down the window. "Oh, Bella?" I called.

She turned back, still rather dazed.

"Yes?"

"Tomorrow it's my turn."

She frowned, not following me. "Your turn to what?"

I smiled, amazingly happy that she was still as dazed as I felt, happy that she wasn't angry anymore.

"Ask the questions," I told her, speeding away before she had a chance to respond.


	18. Chapter 18

I sped home, finally understanding the high people received from drugs. Bella exhilarated me, making me feel alive, as absurd as it sounded. I wanted to be with her, more now than ever.

I never normally looked forwarded to any day, yet I found myself wishing that it was Saturday. The thought of being able to spend the entire day with her…

What if I slipped? The entire day-and she told me that she wouldn't tell Chief Swan where she was going. Where was my incentive to return her? How did I know I would be able to not give into the monster?

I inhaled deeply. I had the feeling that the scent of Bella would always be with me.

Bella-I wondered if she knew that her name meant 'beautiful' in Italian. I loved how extraordinary she was-a personal angel offering me absolution even when I didn't deserve it. I loved her hair, how it framed her face, trickled down her back in a wave of mahogany.

I found myself at home, wondering how wise it was for me to be here. I planned to just go to my room, then go hunt. I wasn't sure how wise it was for me to go to Bella's room tonight.

"Don't," Alice said as I walked in. "She's going to be restless tonight," she grinned, "she'll be dreaming about you."

I couldn't help but grin, even though I was upset. I wasn't sure how to fill my hours now, it was so natural to spend them watching Bella sleep.

"Well well well, look who finally decided to come home," Rosalie sneered.

Alice rolled her eyes. "Rose, let it go."

"Stay out of this, Alice! Edward needs to learn."

"Learn what, Rosalie?" I hissed.

"That you are playing a dangerous game falling in love with a human!" she shouted.

"I didn't choose this!" I roared. "Don't you think I would be happier if I wasn't falling in love with her? Don't you think it would be so much easier for all of us if I wasn't? But I am and I cannot live without her! I _refuse_ to live without her! The world doesn't revolve around you, Rosalie Hale. It never did."

Rosalie stared at me, shocked.

"Edward," Jasper said quietly. "I think you should go upstairs now."

I did, slamming my door for good measure.

I put in a mix CD I'd made- it included all songs that reminded me of Bella.

I found myself wanting to be with her more than I wanted to be with my own family. I loved my family, but the desire to be with her was greater than anything else in the world. I wished that I had been strong enough to stay with her, just for a few more hours while her father was still at work. The scent had become too much and I wanted to desperately to kiss her.

I should probably go hunting. I needed to prepare myself for being with her.

Yet I just wanted to sit here, listening to music, just thinking about her.

I heard a knock at my door. "Edward? Can I come in?"

Esme came in anyway. "I need to talk to you."

I sat up. "What is it, Esme?"

"I wanted to talk to you about Rosalie."

I instantly tensed. "Esme-"

She held up a hand. "Let me talk."

"I understand that you didn't intend to fall in love with Bella. After all, none of us truly have any choice in who we fall in love with," she smiled softly, thinking of Carlisle.

"Go on."

"Rosalie always had more…trouble with accepting what happened to her. Carlisle and I worried about her, especially when it was evident that she wasn't going to be your mate as Carlisle intended."

I shuddered, not wanting to think about how Rosalie was intended for me. Emmett used to tease me endlessly about it.

"Don't you see, Edward?" Esme asked me earnestly.

I frowned, Esme had closed her mind off to me. I tuned out Rosalie, when I could. I couldn't stand to hear her comments about Bella.

"She's jealous, Edward," Esme said quietly.

"Of what? Emmett dotes on her. She's breathtakingly beautiful. She has everything in the world."

"She's not human. She didn't choose this life, Bella has a choice."

I had never really thought it that way before. Bella was always going to remain a human. Eventually she would leave for college and forget about me. We would leave and, eventually, when Bella was gone, we would come back.

She would live her life as if I was just another supporting character in it.

"She will never have to make that choice."

Esme kissed me on the forehead. "It's not your choice to make, dear."

"Do you understand now?" she asked me.

"In a sense, yes," I answered.

"Good."

Esme left, leaving me to my thoughts.

Rosalie did have a hard time. All she ever truly wanted was to be adored. In a sense she got her wish-Emmett was passionately in love with her. But Rosalie always thought of herself as a freak, different from everyone and no matter how much she wanted to be better than everyone else, she didn't want to be a freak either.

"You're more alike than you know."

"God! Alice-you really need to stop doing that."

Alice shrugged, sitting cross-legged on my floor. "Your room is a mess."

"Sorry."

"You and Rosalie really are a like you know. You think of yourselves as freaks. You wouldn't have picked this life."

"And you would have?"

Alice only smiled. "I don't know anything else. Besides, why wouldn't I? I have Jasper and you and even Rosalie and Emmett. I have a family. And nice clothes and cars. Why would I give up this life?"

Alice started going through the CDs that were on the floor.

"Alice?"

"Hmm?"

"Can you see what will happen on Saturday?"

She looked weary. "What do you want to know, Edward?"

"Will I-"

"Will you hurt her?"

I nodded, unable to confirm her question in words.

"No."

"How can you be so certain?"

Alice sighed, speaking slowly as if I was an idiot-child. "You have already made the decision not to."

"But the temptation-"

"It doesn't matter."

"I thought about it-the smell," I confessed.

"Yes," Alice agreed, sitting beside me now, "But I also know that you wanted to kiss her. But you're afraid to. Don't be."

"I don't want to hurt her."

"You won't."

I let it sink in, hoping that Alice was right. I knew she was, but I also knew how subjective her visions were.

"Ooh!" Alice suddenly squealed. "You should bring her to the house on Sunday! Everyone will be home. It is customary, Edward," she reminded me seriously. "Unless your intentions towards her are unless than honorable," she wiggled her eyebrows at me.

I rolled my eyes are her. "My intentions are nothing less than honorable."

She giggled, bouncing up and down. "I know, but it's so much fun to make fun of you. But do bring her. I promise, we'll be on our best behavior. She and I will be good friends, I can tell." Alice was delighted at the prospect of someone to take shopping with her.

"Fine. I'll see if she wants to come," I told her.

"Thanks Edward!" She bounced up, kissing me on the cheek.

"Oh, you don't need to go hunting by the way. You went last week, remember?" she reminded me. "Come watch a movie with Jasper and Emmett. I think they're watching 300. Again." She concentrated for a second. "Yes, they're watching 300 again. Go. It will take your mind off of things."

I went to the basement. Alice was right, Emmett was just about to put the DVD in.

"Are you going to watch with us, Edward?" Jasper asked.

"Yes."

"THIS IS SPARTA!" Emmett roared. He laughed. "That line is the best."

"It's an audacious move, militarily. Persia had the best army, after all," Jasper mused. Ever since he had seen the movie in theaters, he had become obsessed with the campaign portrayed in the movie.

"Yeah, yeah, but how kick ass are those battle scenes?" Emmett asked. He quickly grew bored with Jasper's talk of strategy.

My mind wasn't truly on the movie. I had already seen it at least half a dozen times. It wasn't like it was a cerebral movie anyway.

I wondered what movies Bella liked. She was probably a fan of the film renditions of Austen's works, probably Shakespeare too. But it just served as a reminder of how much I didn't know about her. I wondered what her favorite flowers were, after all, didn't boyfriends give flowers? What was her favorite color? Her favorite gem stone? What did she like to do when she wasn't in school? Did she have any friends in Arizona?

I took everything for granted when I could read people's minds. I already knew what they liked, what they dreamed about. I knew what they truly thought, even if they said the opposite. I knew all the rumors, all the gossip. None of it meant anything.

"Edward! Earth to Edward!" Emmett threw a pillow at me.

"What?" I asked, irritated.

"Jeez, I think I liked it better when you already knew what we were going to say," Emmett complained. "It's better than having to shout at you to grab your attention."

"What do you want, Emmett?"

"Want to play Halo?"

"Not really."

"Aww, come on. You know that Rose and Alice won't play."

"No, I think I'm going to go off to my room now."

"Ohh," comprehension dawned on Emmett's face. "Are you going to go "think" about your little girlfriend?"

"What? No! Emmett!"

"Legit question, little brother. So are you going to go stalk her tonight?"

"No, I'm not going to go stalk her."

"Apparently she'll be dreaming about him tonight and will wake easily, according to Alice," Jasper said, smiling.

"Jasper!"

Jasper only grinned at me. "What? It's cute."

I threw the sofa cushions at both of them, leaving to vent my frustration with my piano.

"Don't hurt your hands, Edward, you know, _playing_ too hard," Emmett called laughing.

Tomorrow couldn't come soon enough.


	19. Chapter 19

I waited. It was very strange, waiting. I tended to read or play or even run until it was time to go to school.

Yet none of those activities held any sort of attraction for me. I watched the clock, wishing that I could be there right now, but knowing that Bella would have to explain to Chief Swan why I was there and probably hate me for it.

So I waited.

Finally it was ok for me to leave. I hoped that Rosalie would pick something more sensible to drive this time, but at this point I truly didn't care. Let her make her stupid point. It was lost on me.

I drove to Bella's house, unable to contain my excitement that I would finally be able to see her again.

Last night had been torture. I played some music, composing an entire symphony, it seemed like, on Bella alone. I became slowly frustrated though and had to discontinue. I spent most of the time, as Alice called it, wallowing. I didn't want to do anything-I wanted to see Bella but Alice told me in no uncertain terms that it was too dangerous for me to go.

So I suffered.

But soon I would see her, be near her.

And today I would find out everything.

I waited in her driveway, wishing that she would walk out her door, even though I knew I still had a few minutes to go.

Finally, when I couldn't stand it anymore, she came with excruciating slowness, taking her time to enter the Volvo.

"Good morning," I greeted her, unable to hide my smile as I faced her, the brilliance of her beauty hitting me once again. "How are you today?"

I looked at her face, noticing that the shadows under her eyes were as dark as mine. Alice was right, she hadn't gotten any sleep.

Because she was dreaming of me.

"Good, thank you," she said politely.

I continued to look at the circles under her eyes. "You look tired."

"I couldn't sleep," she said, almost too quickly, swinging her hair over her shoulder, shielding her face from mine. It stirred her scent, hitting me with such a force that for a second I couldn't recover.

"Neither could I," I teased, hoping to win a smile from her.

She laughed, "I guess that's right. I suppose I slept just a little bit more than you did."

"I'd wager you did."

"So what did you do last night?" she asked me. She sounded genuinely curious, like she really cared about what I did.

I was tempted to answer her, but it would just lead to more questions.

No, today was my turn.

"Not a chance. It's my day to ask questions."

"Oh, that's right. What do you want to know?" she sounded incredulous that I wanted to know about her.

"What's your favorite color?" I asked her. It was such a silly question, I realized, but one that I wanted to know. Would it be blue? She looked amazing in blue. Perhaps pink, like the blush on her cheeks.

"Probably brown," she replied.

Brown? Over all the colors-_brown_? It was such a…boring color. Drab, even.

I snorted, unable to believe that her favorite color was brown. Was she trying to joke? "Brown?"

"Sure. Brown is warm. I miss brown. Everything that's supposed to be brown-tree trunks, rocks, dirt-is all covered up with squashy green stuff here," she explained.

I watched her face as she talked-her eyes lit up with passion as she described all the things that weren't the way she thought they should be. Brown was warm-like her eyes. Her eyes were melted chocolate. Even her hair was warm, so many different shades of brown that I never noticed before. It shone in the light. I wondered what it would be like in the sun. Probably radiant-I imagined that it would be my favorite way to see her-completely bathed in sunlight.

"You're right," I told her. "Brown is warm."

I itched to touch her hair, wanting to feel it and see her face again. As much as I loved her hair and I hated its use as a curtain.

I hesitated before touching her-wondering if the hours in between seeing her had heightened my senses to her and to see if she would be receptive to my touch. She didn't shy away, staying completely still.

She would let me.

I brushed her hair back behind her shoulder. It was better than I'd imagined-silk. Everything about her was soft and silken. She was soft lines and pastels, melted chocolate and silk.

I had to remain focused. "What's in your CD player right now?" I asked her seriously. I hoped that if I kept a serious tone she would give me serious answers. I wanted to know everything about her-I didn't want even her answers to be mysteries to me.

She frowned for a second, trying to remember, I supposed. "Linkin Park," she answered.

I smiled, surprised. I looked through the CDs I kept in a compartment under the CD player. Did we really like the same music? I hoped we did; music was important to me, I wanted it to be something we had in common.

"Debussy to this?" I asked.

She merely continued to look at the cover art, nodding. "Phil gave me the CD. I was listening to it to block out the rain."

I laughed, it was such a Bella-like answer, considering how much she hated the rain.

I walked her to English, continuing to ask her questions. "What's your favorite book?"

She thought for a second. "I don't think I have one. I really like Jane Austen. She's probably my favorite author and of those I like Pride and Prejudice the best."

I smiled, thinking about the "research" I did on her and why she was muttering to herself.

"What about Mansfield Park?" I couldn't resist. I wanted to know if she remembered.

To my delight she blushed, shrugging. "It's ok."

I smiled, moving on to my next question. "What book do you hate?"

I was maddened by the way she paused. She probably didn't even notice-it was such a small pause-but one to make me wonder if she was editing her responses, fitting them to shroud in mystery.

"I don't hate any book. Not really. I don't really like horror stories, though. Some science fiction."

A voracious reader. I wondered what she would think of our library.

She turned to face me, ready to go to class. "Will there be more?"

"Of course," I smiled, curling my hands so I didn't touch her, as much as I wanted to.

I spent my class thinking about questions to ask her, wondering what her responses would be.

I waited for her after her Spanish class, fairly bursting with questions to ask her.

"What's your favorite movie?"

"Pride and Prejudice."

Interesting. She didn't pause this time.

"Which one?"

"The BBC miniseries with Colin Firth."

"What's your next favorite movie?"

"Romeo and Juliet."

I smiled, Bella was quite the little romantic. "The one with Leonardo DiCaprio?"

She made a face. "No. That version was just weird. I like the original much better."

"Do you like books better than their movie interpretations?"

She smiled. "Almost always."

"What about action movies?"

Bella shrugged. "They're ok. I don't watch a lot of them but I don't hate them."

I smiled, it was almost exactly how I felt about them. I loved finding we had things in common.

"Where would you go if you had all the money and time in the world?"

"England. Or Paris."

I felt the urge to tell her to pack her bags, that we could leave right now and come back next week if she so wished. I found that I wanted to take her to those places. I was sure Alice would jump up and down to have someone to go to Paris with.

I loved it when she blushed, even when I did have to push her for answers.

On the way to biology such an instance occurred.

"What's your favorite gemstone?" I had asked her.

"Topaz," she said without hesitation, then turned a brilliant red.

"Why are you blushing?" I asked her curiously.

"Oh-nothing," she brushed it off.

"Tell me," I insisted, fully prepared to unleash my powers of persuasion.

"It's nothing," she insisted.

She refused to look at my face.

"Bella," I said softly.

She sighed. "It's the color of your eyes today. I supposed if you asked me in two weeks I'd say onyx." She had spent the entire time as she told me this playing with hair. She looked up when she was finished, anxious, looking for my reaction.

I went back to my questions, not wanting to be distracted, otherwise I will never finish.

Though I didn't think I ever would.

"What kind of flowers do you prefer?" I asked her when we entered biology.

"Chrysanthemums. And daisies."

I wanted to give her chrysanthemums and daisies everyday. I would vary them-each every other day.

Banner dragged the audiovisual frame with him. The heat was on higher than it usually was, heightening Bella's scent. The more I knew about her the more I desired her. I wanted to take her to Paris, to fill her room with daisies and chrysanthemums and give her a necklace of topaz and onyx, a chocker, maybe. Or one that would display her throat in all of its glory…

I had to stop this. It was bad enough that I wanted to sit next to her, putting my arm around her waist as we were enveloped in darkness, watching a mundane biology video.

I took some comfort in the fact that she was just as affected as I-she fidgeted the entire time, her hands balled into fists, under her chin as she rested her head on the table.

I wondered if she realized how desirable she was. I had a feeling that she had no idea, that she was too pure, too innocent, to know what an object of lust she was for so many.

I was merely standing in line.

I walked her to gym, finding that I couldn't ask her anymore questions. I was too much inside my head, still battling the demons. Even so the silence was comfortable, we were merely walking to class.

She faced me again and I wondered if I could trust myself to touch her.

I used the back of my hand, unsure if I could take it if she leaned in just a fraction so I would cup her face, brushing the entirety of her heart shaped face. A blush followed my hand, the warmth so welcoming. I wanted so much to touch her more, to cup her face with my hands, to lean in, to kiss her-

The bell rang, shattering my reverie into a thousand pieces, leaving me to deal with the effects of my desire.


	20. Chapter 20

I waited by my car, wondering wryly if I looked as excited to see her as I thought. Why didn't time pass faster?

Finally she came, the smile on her face so large in brilliant that I smiled in response. I found myself mirroring her emotions more and more-if she was happy, I would myself happy also, despite my mood before I saw her.

I wanted to know about her life before here, to understand why she missed it. We never lived in the South West, it was too sunny.

"It's beautiful there, not that Forks isn't nice, but there it's warm and sunny all the time. It's hard to be in a bad mood when the sun is shining. The sky is so blue and so big- everything opens up. You can see the stars every night and there are so many of them! Like a child spilled glitter on a black piece of construction paper."

She used her hands to talk, her eyes looking out but not into anywhere I could see. She was in Arizona, telling me everything she saw.

I never thought about the appeal of the South West-or really any place that the sun was a constant presence. Bella made me want to visit these places, to expierence things that I never thought to imagine before.

They made her happy. I wanted to see her happy.

"Did you have any friends there?" I asked her softly.

She shrugged. "Not really. More like acquaintances. No one really noticed me."

Notice her? How could they not notice her? She was such an amazing person-so warm and smart and kind. How dare they treat her as a part of scenery?

"My high school was huge-nothing like it is here. There were 400 people in my graduating class alone."

"Yet you didn't have any friends?"

"There were people that I talked to. But my closest friend was my mother. I still miss her," she said quietly.

"And you liked it there."

"I loved it there."

It was dark now, Chief Swan would be home soon. I hadn't realized how late it was-time had no meaning when I was with Bella.

"Are you finished?" she asked with relief.

I chuckled. "Not even close-but your father will be home soon."

"Charlie!" she panicked. She looked out the car window, desperate to see something. "How late is it?"

"It's twilight," I murmured, wishing that I didn't have to quite wake up from this dream. I thought about the sun, about how much I wanted to be there.

Bella belonged there-in the sun and in the warmth. So delicate, choosing the sit in the darkness, just because of me.

I looked at her, wondering what it was that she saw in me, wondering why she came here, a place that she didn't like-at least not as much as she liked Arizona.

She was staring at me, asking me wordlessly for an answer.

"It's the safest time of day for us, the easiest time. But also the saddest, in a way…the end of another day, the return of the night. Darkness is so predicable, don't you think?"

"I like the night. Without the dark we'd never see the stars," Bella said. She frowned, looking at the sky. "Not that you can see them here much."

I laughed, so delighted by her disappointment at not being able to see the stars. It was such a carefree disappointment, something so simple and refreshing that it pulled me out of the darkness that I found myself in.

"Charlie will be here in a few minutes. So, unless you want to tell him that you'll be with me Saturday…" I raised my eyebrow in question. I wanted him to know, to know that someone would know that she was with me, giving me incentive, to make sure that I would never get that far off.

"Thanks, but no thanks. So is it my turn tomorrow then?"

"Certainly not! I told you I wasn't done, didn't I?" I teased.

"What more is there?"

"You'll find out tomorrow," I promised her. I reached across, opening her door for her. My ear was near her heart, I could hear the increased rhythm like it was a timpani.

Though that the primary thing I heard was her heart, though I was enveloped in her scent, I still could hear _them_. Smell _them_.

"Not good."

"What is it?" She asked, alarmed.

I glanced at her. Wishing I could have just one more minute. "Another complication."

I flung the door open, hoping that Bella would get out soon. The smell of those dogs was too strong.

They couldn't have picked a worse time.

She stood there, startled by the headlights of the dog's car.

"Charlie's around the corner," I warned her, continuing to staring at the dogs, waiting for them to make their move.

I had every right to be here. We kept the terms of the treaty, there was no reason for them to confront us.

The younger one-he was eager to see Bella. He volunteered to take his father. He was happy she was here-he saw her at the beach. He wanted to talk to her again. I saw the images in his mind, they walked down the beach together.

He had told her the stories. He told her the secret, albeit unknowingly.

Still, his eagerness was frustrating. I disliked it. She was mine.

I revved the engine, not looking to start a fight, thankful that this car was as fast as it was.

I slammed the car door, frustrated that the dogs deprived me of at least five more minutes with Bella. I could have persuaded her to introduce me to Chief Swan.

Jasper sighed. "You know, for someone in love, you're in an extraordinarily bad mood."

"Edward enjoys brooding. He probably doesn't know how to be happy," Rosalie commented. She was reading one of her fashion magazines that she subscribed to. "Ugh. _That's_ back in? Wasn't it bad enough in the eighties?"

"Don't worry," Alice said. "Summer will be better. We should plan a trip soon to Milan, see the show. It looks fantastic."

I rolled my eyes. I expected the frivolousness out of Rosalie, but sometimes it was hard to hear it from Alice.

"What's got him in such a bad mood?" Jasper asked Alice as I left them.

"Oh, his time with Bella was cut short. He wanted that extra minute."

"Doesn't he still visit her at night?"

"Yes. He will tonight. Don't worry, he'll be in a better mood afterwards."

"At least he spends less time here. His bad moods are extremely tiresome," Rosalie said.

I growled, disliking the fact that my frustration was being made into parody. But I would get to see Bella tonight.

I had a few hours. I hurriedly did my homework, it was child's work at best. I failed to see why teachers insisted using worksheets, no one ever learned anything from them.

I would need to go hunting tomorrow. The thought of spending all day with Bella was both exhilarating and terrifying.

I would have to make sure there was no question of being thirsty.

I went to Alice and Jasper's room, knowing that Alice was going through her closet yet again.

"I would love to go with you," she said, holding up a shirt against her.

"What do you think of this?" she asked. Not pausing to let me answer, "Ugh. You're no help. It's a miracle that your socks match."

She put it back in her closet. "I have one condition. You get to drive her truck back to the school. I'm not doing it."

I smiled. "Deal."

She nodded, turning back to her closet. "She's going to sleep soon."

I smiled, the thought of being able to see Bella was immensely appealing.

The rain had stopped, Bella wouldn't be restless tonight.

I sat in the rocking chair across the room from her bed. She smelled faintly of dog, though it didn't mask her scent completely.

I hoped that she would like spending the day with me. I wondered, expected that she would realize that I was not good for her, that she would be better off without me.

She slept peacefully, murmuring every once in a while.

"Edward," she whispered, more than a few times.

"I'm here," I whispered. "I'm here as long as you want me."

And I wanted it to be forever.


	21. Chapter 21

Friday. The day before Saturday. The day before I would spend the entire day with Bella.

It was becoming habit to come to her house before school. Even Rosalie didn't say anything anymore. She had yet to give her blessing, though.

Her face brightened when she saw me today. She hurried to the car, getting into the Volvo with a flurry of motion.

She grinned at me, her smile rendering me speechless for a moment.

"How did you sleep?" I asked her.

"Fine. How was your night?" She asked politely.

I loved the secret I kept-watching her sleep was such a guilty pleasure only enhanced by her complete innocence of it.

"Pleasant," I told her.

"Can I ask what you did?"

Oh no, we couldn't have that happening. "No," I told her, grinning. "Today is still mine."

I asked her about her family, particularly about her mother. But first and foremost I wanted to know if she had any boyfriends.

The question repeatedly entered my head, nagging at me that I had to have answered.

"Have you ever had a boyfriend?"

What tact I had! I had the eloquence of a schoolboy-worse, Mike Newton.

"No," she said simply.

"Not ever?"

"Nope."

"So you never met anyone you wanted?"

She lifted her head to mine, a wistful look in her eyes.

"Not in Phoenix."

I gasped slightly, the desire hitting me with such a force that it was unparalleled, sans the force her blood still had for me.

I leaned closer to her, just for a second, contemplating just for a moment of taking advantage of the moment, just for once.

Just for the moment.

I curled my lips in. No. The first kiss would need to be special. It would not be in this teenage wasteland.

The day passed quickly, surprisingly enough. Bella and I sat down to lunch. Soon I would have to tell her that I wouldn't be able to drive her home, that her truck would be there and that I would see her tomorrow.

Yet I was stalling, not wanting my time with her to end so soon.

She chewed on a bagel, looking absent-mindedly out the window.

"_Stop stalling!"_ Alice whined. _"We have to leave."_

I took advantage of Bella's silence. "I should have let you drive yourself today."

Today, it seemed, was not my day of tact.

She frowned, so disappointed by my non-sequitur.

"Why?"

"I'm leaving with Alice after lunch."

"Oh," she said, looking down. "That's ok. It's not that far of a walk."

I frowned, appalled that she thought that I would let her walk home. Knowing Bella, she would get run over, or picked up by a dangerous villain…the possibilities when it came to Bella were endless. "Absolutely not. Your truck will be here for you."

"I don't have my key with me," she sighed. "I really don't mind walking."

I shook my head. The idea of her walking home was unacceptable. "Your truck will be here and the key will be in the ignition-unless you're afraid someone might steal it." I laughed at the absurdity of the notion.

"Alright," she agreed, though the challenge was still in her voice.

"So where are you going?"

"Hunting," It was such an unpleasant subject to talk about! "If I'm going to be alone with you tomorrow, I'm going to take whatever precautions I can." My moroseness washed over me. "You can always cancel, you know."

She looked down and for a brief moment I thought that I finally convinced her. I waited to hear that she had decided to stay home.

"No," she whispered. "I can't."

Her words had such a sense of inevitability that I couldn't argue with her. She couldn't-for better or worse, we had to be together.

"Perhaps you're right," I whispered back.

Monster.

I couldn't leave her alone.

"What time will I see you tomorrow?" she asked sadly.

"That depends…it's a Saturday, don't you want to sleep in?"

"No," she answered quickly. I bit back a smile, please that she wanted to be with me.

"The same time as usual, then. Will Charlie be there?"

"No, he's fishing tomorrow," she told me proudly.

I panicked. I was hoping, ensuring myself, that he would be there. "And if you don't come home, what will he think?" I asked sharply. I had to know that he would care.

"I have no idea," she answered coolly. "He knows I've been meaning to do the laundry. Maybe he'll think I fell in the washer," she said sarcastically.

I scowled at her, wishing that she would understand the severity of the issue at hand. I could kill her, very easily. I needed to have Chief Swan know where his daughter was. I needed to know that someone would know she would be with a monster.

Yet she merely scowled back at me, not backing down.

She gave up, finally. "What are you hunting tonight?" she asked casually.

"Whatever we find in the park. We aren't going far," I assured her.

"Why are you going with Alice?" she asked curiously.

"Alice is the most…supportive." I hope she wouldn't pursue this further. The rift I caused within the family was not one I wanted to think about.

"And the others?" She asked. "What are they?"

I frowned, trying to come up with the most diplomatic answer to her question. "Incredulous, for the most part." It was true, Emmett and Jasper still wondered what I saw in her.

She looked over to them for a brief time.

"They don't like me," she concluded.

"That's not it," They don't know her, I told myself. "They don't understand why I can't leave you alone."

"Neither do I, for that matter," she countered.

I rolled my eyes. I did not see how Bella could not see her as she truly was-a goddess.

"I told you-you don't see yourself clearly at all. You're not like anyone I've ever known. You fascinate me."

She glared at me. I thought she was angered by my confession, perhaps she found that my fascination was unsettling, that it was more of an obsession than a feeling of love.

Yet she continued to look at me, as if she was waiting for me to finish my thought.

She didn't believe me. She was waiting for the punch line.

"Having the advantages I do," I murmured, taping my head to clarify, "I have a better than average grasp of human nature. People are predictable. But you…you never do what I expect. You always take me by surprise."

She looked away, back to my family. She was blushing again, she didn't believe me.

She still waiting for the punch line.

"That part is easy enough to explain. But there's more…and it's not so easy to put into words."

I couldn't describe the tug I felt-the knowledge that I wouldn't be able to keep away from her.

I wanted her. I never coveted something so much-someone of my wealth did not want for anything, yet I found myself the poorest of paupers because she was not mine.

I needed to be near her. To leave her meant to leave part of me with her. Had I a soul, part of it would be hers. Everyday needed to be spent in her presence, otherwise I became restless, unable to concentrate on anything. Everything was insignificant compared to her.

She continued to look at my family. Rosalie noticed her gaze and glared at her, challenging her.

'_Careful little girl. You play with fire and you get burned. Betray us and I will end you.'_

"Stop it," I hissed, too low for Bella to hear. "She's an innocent."

She broke her gaze from Bella's. _'Just a warning, little brother.'_

She looked back at me, fear evident in her face. I set my jaw, wanting to resolve things with Rosalie once and for all. She frightened Bella and for that she must suffer the consequences.

"I'm sorry about that," I apologized. "She's just worried. You see…it's dangerous for more than just me if, after spending so much time with you so publicly…" I looked down, still furious at Rosalie, yet understanding why she was so upset. Regardless, she would not hurt Bella.

"If?" Bella asked.

"If this ends…badly."

I dropped my head into my hands as despair washed over me. I knew it was inevitable. This would end. It was inevitable. For myself it would end badly. I loved her. To have to say goodbye to her would mean the death of me.

She reached her hand forward in comfort, pulling it back to her side abruptly. I was thankful for that-I wouldn't have been able to keep my control had she touched me.

"And you have to leave now?" she said shakily.

"Yes," I said, raising my gaze to hers. I attempted to smile-I hated to see her sad. "It's probably for the best. We still have fifteen minutes of that wretched movie left to endure in Biology-I don't think I could take it anymore," I said. I was aware of Alice at my shoulder as Bella's eyes widened.

"Alice," I said in greeting.

"Edward," she replied vocally._ "Introduce us, silly."_

"Alice, Bella-Bella, Alice," I said, waving my hand to and fro.

"Hello, Bella, it's nice to finally meet you." _'Poor thing, she looks half frightened to death. Edward, honestly, do you insist on making others as maudlin as you?'_

Bella did look overwhelmed, but I thought the cause to be Hurricane Alice rather than my dark moods.

"Hi, Alice," Bella murmured, keeping her gaze to me.

'_Ooh, she truly is smitten! Oh, Edward, it's so nice that you've finally settled down. She's your perfect counterpart, I think.' _ "Are you ready?" She asked.

"Nearly. I'll meet you at the car," I told her. She took my meaning, she knew that I wanted to say goodbye.

"Should I say 'have fun,' or is that the wrong sentiment?" Bella asked.

"No, 'have fun' works as well as anything," I said smiling. Her question was so charming, so Bella-esque that I fell in love with it. And its speaker.

"Have fun, then," she said. She tried to sound enthusiastic but her eyes begged me to stay.

I wanted to. I wanted to be enveloped in darkness during Biology, watching that tired movie that didn't actually demonstrate the principles of the lesson. I would take her hand, brushing my thumb over the veins of her wrist, feeling her pulse, so steady and strong. I would hear her heart race, her breath catch as she leaned in closer. Newton would watch, jealous that I was so bold as to take Bella's hand, letting only an inch separate us. I would whisper some witty comment in her ear, inhaling her intoxicating scent. My lips would brush her ear, feeling her tremble with laughter in response to my wit. If I was lucky, she would lean her head against my shoulder, sighing as she did so.

But I needed to feed the monster. I needed to make sure that no harm would never come to her because of me.

"I'll try," I told her, wishing I could keep the longing out of my voice. "And you try to be safe, please."

"Safe in Forks-what a challenge," she said sarcastically.

"For you it is a challenge," I countered. I clenched my jaw, thinking about the dogs coming into her house. "Promise," I demanded.

"I promise to try to be safe," she recited. "I'll do the laundry tonight-that ought to be fraught with peril."

"Don't fall in," I reminded her.

"I'll do my best."

I stood to prepare to leave, wishing that I had just one more minute. She followed suit, rising with me.

"I'll see you tomorrow," she said reluctantly, as if I would never see her again.

"It seems like a long time to you, doesn't it?" I murmured.

She nodded, her bottom lip sticking out in a beautiful pout.

"I'll be there in the morning," I promised her, smiling.

I allowed myself one liberty, brushing the length of her cheekbone with my hand before I left.

Alice waited in the parking lot, sitting on top of the Volvo. "Finally! Though I must say the tension was romantic. But I was hoping for a better ending. It kept building and building and I thought that finally you would just kiss her already but you didn't!" Alice sighed. "Oh well. It was romantic in its own right."

I rolled my eyes. "Do you know where Bella put her keys?"

"They're in her back pocket. She saw them in there as soon as you broached the subject. You'll find them in the laundry room."

I smiled. "Thank you, Alice. And I'm sorry for disappointing you."

She bounced off the car. "It's ok. It was Jane Austen like, really. I had fun watching it."

"You read Jane Austen?" I asked.

"Of course! What girl doesn't? They're quite silly though. Everything would have been solved so much faster if it wasn't for those misunderstandings everyone seems to have."

I smiled at Alice's criticism. With her ability to see, she didn't understand why people couldn't simply at the happy ending that she knew they would arrive to.

We arrived at Bella's house-"Picturesque, really," Alice commented. I found the keys in her jeans, just as Alice said.

I wanted to leave her something, a message, to know that I was thinking of her.

I went up to her room, wishing to see it. There was a piece of paper on her desk, along with a pen.

I was at a loss for words. I wanted to pour my heart out to her-to tell her that my nonexistent heart was hers. I wanted to tell her that I would think only of her, that I would be a bear until I finished hunting, where I would find solace in watching her sleep.

'_Brevity is the soul of wit, dear brother,'_ Alice commented wryly.

I smiled. Alice was right.

_Be Safe._


	22. Chapter 22

My mind was solely on hunting-I allowed the beast to control me, knowing that eventually that I would be able to reign him in.

I was satiated, finally. It was dark, I hoped Bella would be asleep soon.

I couldn't be left by myself tonight.

"So, Edward," Alice said suddenly.

"What?"

"When do we get to meet her?"

"I don't think that would be a good idea, Alice."

Alice frowned. "If you're worried about Rosalie, you shouldn't. If you love her-and you do-you shouldn't worry about what Rosalie thinks. Besides. I want to meet her. She looks nice. We would be great friends."

_And sisters._

The errant thought, the one that she didn't want me to hear, clenched my conscience, reminding me-as if I needed a reminder!-of how much I was putting her in danger. By choosing me, she was choosing death. It was a choice that she would never make, would never have to make.

Bella would live.

"Oh, stop it, Edward. I can't help what I see. I don't choose the path. You do. She does. There is free will, after all," she reminded me, as if reminding a child of a painfully obvious fact.

"What do you see happening tomorrow?"

Alice thought a minute. "No, I don't think I should tell you."

"Why not?"

"Why should I? It's your first date, something that you should go into with the wonderment that love can bring. I will not deprive you of showing the consequences of your decisions."

I tensed. "Bella-"

"Will be ok. Stop worrying so much."

I dropped Alice off, telling her that I wanted to check on Bella. She grinned at me, winking lecherously as she skipped to tell my siblings where I was going.

I didn't care. I wanted to see Bella.

I stole through her window, hoping that I wasn't too late for the talking. They were little windows into her personality, where there weren't any edits, nothing that she kept from me.

I missed her, in the space of the few hours that I hadn't seen her, I realized that I missed her terribly.

Pathetic. It was only a few hours. Not even an entire day.

I sat in her rocking chair, realizing that she was sleeping too soundly. She wouldn't be talking, at least tonight.

I looked to her bedside table, noticing the bottle of NyQuil sitting there. She couldn't sleep.

She was nervous.

Just as I was.

I wished I knew what she was dreaming about-to be able to see the images as they flashed through her mind. I wondered what occupied it, wishing that it was images of me.

What I wanted more was the be able to sleep beside her, to curl up next to and dream of her.

Years of medical school taught me that dreams were the ways of the brain to make sense of the day, to be able to compartmentalize, comprehend all the things that resided in it. As a vampire, I didn't need that skill anymore. My mind had the ability to do all of those things at a remarkable speed, but the metaphor, the imagery, was missing.

I wanted to dream again.

I wanted to dream of her.

I could daydream, yet it wasn't the same. I couldn't indulge my subconscious, it was welded with my conscious.

No metaphors.

No imagery.

But if I could dream-if I could dream of her-it would be about having a life with her. A normal life. One in the sun. If I could dream, it would be about growing old with her, about watching our children. If I could dream-it would be about appreciating my life because it would, eventually, end.

I stood, needing to touch her. I brushed the hair from her face, wishing that my dreams could be a reality.

They wouldn't. They couldn't.

I stayed longer than I should have, just staring at her. I only had a few hours before I had to come back.

"Took you long enough," Emmett grumbled.

I grinned unabashedly. I couldn't regret my time watching Bella.

"Ick," Rosalie said, sitting on her husband's lap. "Edward, you look like an idiot."

"A love-sick idiot!" Emmett amended.

"Rose, Emmett, leave Edward alone. Don't you want your brother to have what you have?" Esme asked them.

"Not with a human," Rosalie grumbled.

I pretended to ignore her. I didn't have much time before I had to go get Bella.

Esme only sighed in response. She turned to me. "Have a good time today, Edward."

'_And be careful.'_

I only nodded. I knew what was at stake.

I went up to my room, putting on some calming classical music in the hopes that it would calm me. I felt like a nervous wreck. I would manage to be a bumbling idiot in front of her, probably say something wrong-her eyes would widen and she would leave, telling me in a voice shaking with anger that she didn't want anything to do with me, leaving me to a lonely, endless existence.

"Edward! Stop it. Jeez, I feel like I want to kill myself. Stop being so damn depressing!" Jasper grumbled from his room.

I murmured my apologies, lying on my couch.

I closed my eyes, willing myself to dream, even though I knew that REM sleep was required.

I thought about Bella, how she smelled, how red her lips were. How trusting she was, thinking nothing of pressing her body against mine, lifting her face, offering her lips, her neck-

"What are you going to wear?"

My eyes flew open. "Alice! What the hell-"

She sighed, jumping from her perch on top of the arm of the sofa. "It's not my fault that you shut your mind when you're thinking about Bella. Now. What are you going to wear?" She repeated slowly, as if speaking to a particularly slow child.

I gestured to the clothes I was wearing, a blue shirt and jeans.

"Ugh! You wore those clothes yesterday! Bella will notice. Here-I'll help you." Which was probably her intention all along, since Alice felt the need to turn people into dolls, dressing them at her whim.

She dashed into my clothes, muttering to herself as she worked.

"Eww-Edward! Why do you still have this?"

"At least this is a good color, I guess."

"A-ha! Here try-Oh, never mind," she tossed another shirt into a pile.

"Here-" she said, thrusting some clothes in front of me. "Casual chic. Handsome effortlessly. I'm sure Bella will approve."

She skipped out, "have a good time!" she called.

I threw on the clothes, more anxious about seeing Bella than how I looked.

Running, instead of the calming effect it usually had, increased the butterflies that shouldn't exist. My mind wandered into paranoia-convincing me that she wouldn't want me-couldn't want me. She would answer the door, a bathrobe on, clutching a tissue. Her eyes would get wide, feigning surprise. She would tell me that she was up the entire night, that she was sick. Could we reschedule? But there would be no rescheduling. She wouldn't ride with me to school, already left by the time I arrived at her house. Eventually I would stop, I would only see her from across the cafeteria and in biology. She would only sit with me because it was the only seat available. But she would speak with Newton, I would see them walking to his pathetic excuse for a car.

I would be left alone. Nothing. That's all I would be-without her. I would continue to visit her at night, to torture myself more, knowing that I cannot keep away from her.

I wouldn't stop her-even if she did pick Newton.

I loved her too much to keep her to myself.

I held my breath as I knocked on her door, hoping that she would be smiling up at me, telling me to give her a minute, she was almost ready.

She flew open the door, her face radiant.

I looked her over-she was wearing a form-fitting sweater over a buttoned shirt with blue jeans, just as I was.

I smiled, the serendipity of our matching outfits charming me. "Good morning," I told her, chuckling to myself.

"What's wrong?" she said, panicked, looking down at herself.

"We match," I laughed again.

She frowned, as if she disagreed, but she didn't say anything. She locked the door behind her, walking towards her truck.

I sighed, it would take us a day just to get out of Forks, let alone make it to the meadow.

"We made a deal," she reminded me smugly, climbing into the driver's seat. She reaches over to open the passenger door for me, the bottom of her sweater revealing a bit of skin, leaving me without thought.

It took me a full minute to realize the door was open.

I climbed in, reveling in the scent of her that permeated this truck. This truck that was liable to blow up and kill her.

"Where to?"

"Put your seat belt on-I'm nervous already." Though her driving only has part of what has me nervous.

She did, though sighing as she did so.

"Where to?" she repeated.

"Take the 101 North," I tell her.

I'm not used to being in a car going the normal speed limit. I watch Bella's face as we drive along, wishing that I knew what she was thinking. I don't want to say the wrong thing and without knowing what that is, I'll turn into a bumbling idiot.

The streets were quiet, reminding me that Bella and I were truly alone-for once, it was just us.

I liked the sound of that word-us. I wanted to use it at every opportunity. I loved the thought of it-she and I. Together. Us.

"Were you planning to make it out of Forks before nightfall?" I asked her.

She looked sideways at me. "This car is old enough to be your car's grandfather. Have some respect."

Remarkably, we made it through alive, soon leaving the nice manicured lawns in favor of the wildness.

"Turn right on the 1-10," I told her as she started to turn her head.

At least I could deduce her movements, to anticipate her questions even if I couldn't hear them.

"Now we drive until the pavement ends."

"What's there, at the pavement's end?"

"A trail."

"We're hiking?" She asked, her voice slightly panicked.

"Is that a problem?" With Bella's inability to walk on a stable, flat surface, hiking probably scared her to death.

"No," she lied.

"Don't worry. It's only five miles or so and we're in no hurry," I assured her. Besides, I told myself, if I had to carry her…I wouldn't be put out.

She stayed silent, leaving me to endlessly wonder what she was thinking, feeling.

"What are you thinking?" I begged, embarrassed that I had to, that I couldn't rely on small talk, impatient that I had to be so slow.

"Just wondering where we're going," she said, her voice too light to carry an ounce of truth.

"It's a place I like to go to when the weather is nice," I told her.

"Charlie said it would be warm today."

"And did you tell Charlie what you were up to?" Please, tell me you did.

"Nope."

"But Jessica thinks we're going to Seattle together?" Jessica wouldn't let our day together go unnoticed. Especially if Bella didn't answer her calls.

"No, I told her you canceled on me-which is true."

"No one knows you're with me?" Did she have a death wish? Did she not realize that she was putting herself in danger, just by being with me? That someone had to know-otherwise I might lose it?

"That depends…I assume you told Alice?"

"That's very helpful, Bella," I snapped. I needed to know that there was someone who cared about Bella enough to notice.

She didn't answer, just continued driving.

"Are you so depressed by Forks that it's made you suicidal?" I asked her. Perhaps that was it. She had a death wish. Why else would she want to be with me?

"You said it might cause trouble for you-us being together publicly," she told me, as if it's a perfectly acceptable reason to put her life in my hands.

"So you're worried about the trouble it might cause _me_ if _you _don't come _home?_"

A death wish. That was the only explanation.

I was furious, unwilling to accept her blind faith in me, unwilling to accept that there wasn't the danger that I wouldn't harm her.

She nodded in response, looking at the road, refusing to look at me.

"A death wish," I muttered, too quick and low for her to understand.

She parked on a narrow shoulder of the path, stepping out of the car, still not talking to me. The rest of the ride had been in silence, I was too angry to talk to her, she too stubborn to see the error.

I stayed in the car, trying to reign in my anger. Why did she not understand that I need to have one person know that she and I were here? Why did she not understand that I was a monster? That I was no more fit to be with her than the lechers that almost killed her that day in Port Angeles?

I looked over at her, at the most in opportune time-

She was taking her sweater off.

She had a shirt underneath, a white sleeveless one that was beautiful, pure, against her pale skin.

I was hit with desire stronger than I had ever felt. I was alone with her, angry at myself and at her, which only served to fuel my desire.

I tore off my sweater as well, suddenly too hot despite the fact that I was still ice cold. I felt as if I was on fire.

I slammed the truck door, hoping to break it. Perhaps then she would see what danger I posed.

"This way," I instructed, facing the forest.

"The trail?" She asked, panicked.

"I said there was a trail at the end of the road, not that we were taking it," I told her cruelly, knowing that she was upset.

"No trail?" she asked, desperateness laced in her voice.

"I won't let you get lost," I reassured her, giving her a mocking smile. Getting lost would probably be a better fate than following the Big Bad Wolf.

She gasped, her face suddenly becoming sad, as if she realized that the world had crumbled beneath her feet.

As if everything she ever wanted was suddenly out of her reach.

I realized, then, it was in reaction to my appearance. It was winter, albeit late winter and long sleeves were still worn. My skin was too white to be called pale, my physique to defined to be truly human.

"Do you want to go home?" I asked her quietly. Suddenly my anger dissipated, instead replaced by the crushing realization that my wish was about to come true.

"No," she said, the conviction strong in her voice. She walked up to me, her face still wrenched in pain.

"What's wrong?" I asked her, willing to do anything she asked to take the pain away.

"I'm not a good hiker," she answered. "You'll have to be very patient."

"I can be patient-if I make a great effort," I smiled, trying to make light of the situation, trying desperately to win a smile from her.

She tried, though the smile was an unconvincing one at best.

"I'll take you home," I promised her. It would take a great amount of effort, but I would. I would make sure she was safe.

"If you want me to hack five miles through the jungle before sundown, you'd better start leading the way," she said, the acid dripping from her voice.

Was she being sarcastic? Was there something that I was missing? Did she not think that I would take her home? Was she only doing this out of obligation? Was I that freakish to look at?

I led the way, unable to discern her expression.

The walk was slow, but somehow I didn't mind. There were tree roots too big for her to step over without my grasping her elbow, releasing it immediately, the touch of her arm too seductive for me to let go. Her heart would beat irratically, reminding me that I wasn't the only one affected by our touching.

I asked her questions, ones that I hadn't thought about in our interrogations. I asked about her birthdays, what her favorite presents were, what her pets were like.

"I killed three fish in a row. I gave up on the institution."

I laughed, her answer so prim, yet so full of humor that I laughed fully, uncaring of how loud it sounded.

It was fully sunny now, no more hiding.

"Are we there yet?" She tried to scowl, teasing.

"Nearly," I smiled, happy that she was in as good of spirits as I. "Do you see the brightness ahead?"

She peered, trying. "Um, should I?"

I smiled, forgetting my far superior eyesight. "Maybe it's a bit soon for your eyes."

"Time to visit the optometrist," she muttered, provoking my laughter some more.

Then, finally, we arrived. A place I found the first time we came to Washington, I place I came to as a fortress of solitude, a place I only told my family about when Carlisle started to worry.

Bella started to lead, appreciating the beauty of the meadow as much as I.

I left her wander into the meadow, leaving to stand under a thick canopy of trees, where the sun hadn't infiltrated, betraying me.

She looked for me, smiling when she found me. She took a step towards me, the happiness, the acceptance of whatever I was, shining in her eyes. She smiled at me encouragingly, beckoning with her hand to follow her, to come join her in the sun.

Bella. My angel. Bathed in sunlight she was more radiant than any other human being. She wanted me to be with her, to reside in the sun with her.

I was tempted. I so desperately wanted to.

I held up a hand, wishing for just a few more seconds for this dream to last-to watch my Bella be bathed in the sun.

I took a deep breath. I promised her.

She needed to know.


	23. Chapter 23

I stepped out of a world of shadows and into a world of light.

In a way I was leaving everything I knew, suddenly opening up my world and opening up myself to allow Bella in. In a way I was leaving my world and entering hers.

Out of the shadows and into the sun.

I didn't want to see her face, a face I knew was filled was horror, just yet. I wanted to feel the sun that I felt would be like being Bella's embrace. To feel warmth where I was cold.

I laid down in the middle, wishing that the dream wasn't quite over. I became more aware of Bella. I felt her stare, wondering why she gasped.

It was probably of horror. I glittered as if made of a thousand diamonds, I looked like a freak to her. There would be physical evidence of my obvious monstrosity.

I started to sing-some operatic piece from Carmen, I needed to concentrate on something, so I wouldn't sit up and beg that she loved me as I loved her. I concentrated on the fluidity of the Italian, making sure my pronunciation was flawless, that the words flew like birds.

I felt her finger-just a single finger-stroke the back of my hand. It was so comforting, so full of wonder that there was no room for revolution.

I opened my eyes, confident that she would at least not run away screaming.

She did stare-could I blame her? Her eyes wide as if she was watching a wonderment, something that fascinated her. I smiled, happy that she was still here, still here with me.

"I don't scare you?" I had to know. I had to hear her say the words.

She shrugged, undaunted by the question. "No more than usual."

I smiled wider, pleased that even when presented with blatant evidence that I was a monster, she stayed, she wanted to be with me.

She reached out to touch me with her whole hand now, tracing my forearm, mapping the veins with her fingers. Her fingers trembled, as if she felt the same reaction as me, a transference of electricity between us, the need for both of us to feel the other's embrace.

It was so soothing, so right, to feel her fingers on my skin. I had never felt that before, did not feel the need to be close to anyone. I was revolted, slightly, by the level of physicality not only with the couples I saw in school, but in my own family, especially Rosalie and Emmett. I felt no need to be close to anyone, preferred to keep to myself. Bella changed that, with a single brush of her finger, making me crave to feel more, to experience the closeness that was so deep and profound that even my level of intellect could not begin to comprehend it.

"Do you mind?" she asked shyly, as if there was a very great possibility that I did indeed mind.

"No," I told her, wishing that she continued. "You can't imagine how that feels." No poet could sufficiently put that into words.

She continued to map the veins, trace the sinew, making me feel as if I was a human man, capable of love and passion and caring for another.

I was not a monster when I was with Bella.

She reached with her other hand to turn mine over. I instantly catered to her whims, forgetting to use a normal speed, forgetting that I couldn't be myself.

Her fingers froze in their exploration, she was obviously startled by my movement.

"Sorry," I murmured to her, having difficulty forming the words when I was fixated on her touch. "It's too easy to be myself around you."

She continued, lifting my hand to examine it in the sun. She was fascinated by it, bringing it closer to her face.

My skin was immediately sensitized by her, I felt her breath on my skin, the proximity of her lips, the proximity of her exquisite throat.

I couldn't understand-she was so fascinated, treating me as if I was a wonder and not a monster, giving me absolution that I could not fathom.

The silence was eerie. I wanted to hear her thoughts more than anything, to know what I should say. I was so afraid of breaking the spell we had both created around us, afraid that I would shatter it like glass with just a misplaced sentiment.

"Tell me what you're thinking," I implored her, watching her, wondering what her true reaction to me was. "It's still so strange to me, not knowing."

She smiled. "You know, the rest of us feel that way all the time."

"It's a hard life." But, at the very least, it was a life. Not an existence, it was finite, limited to time and body. "But you didn't tell me."

"I was wishing I could know what you were thinking…" she hesitated. I hated when she did that, leaving me to wonder if she was editing as she always did or if she truly wondered if I would be angered by her response.

"And?" I prompted her, prepared to beg for her to tell me.

"I was wishing I could believe that you were real. And I was wishing that I wasn't afraid."

Her words shattered the dream, reminding me of who I was, what I was and no matter what amount of absolution that Bella gave me, I would always be a monster, possessing the ability to kill her with a flick of my wrist.

"I don't want you to be afraid," I murmured, wishing desperately that I could tell her there was no reason to be afraid. I could not lie to her like that, couldn't tell her the words that I knew she wanted to hear.

"Well, that's not exactly the fear I mean, thought that's certainly something to think about."

I half sat up, bringing myself closer to her, enthralled with her words, needing to know the meaning behind them.

"What are you afraid of, then?"

She didn't answer me, instead her eyes suddenly became darker and she closed them, leaving in as her mouth became parted, enveloping me in her scent, exposing her throat, waking the beast.

I wanted her. I wanted to drink her blood and finally satiate the thirst I battled for weeks. It was only she and I in this meadow, I could do it.

Too close.

I ran from her, needing to have logic and love prevail over lust, over monstrosity.

I went back to my world of shadows, an underworld of sorts, exiling myself from the alluring world Bella lived in.

I couldn't do this, I shouldn't have thought that I could try. It was tempting fate, tempting too much, risking her life because I wanted to.

She looked so saddened, so afraid, sitting there alone. I wanted to go comfort her so badly. She thought that it was her fault, I could see it on her face.

"I'm sorry, Edward," she whispered, the pain in her voice was so heavy, I felt the breath leaving my body hearing it.

"Give me a moment," I called to her. I could master this, I could show her that I wasn't a monster. I needed to show her I wasn't a monster.

I wanted to go back to her world.

I counted to ten, putting the monster back into his cage.

I stepped back into the light, yet still away from her. I couldn't be close to her just yet. I sank to the ground, taking a few deep breaths to strengthen my control.

"I am so very sorry," I told her, hoping that the sincerity would verify my words. "Would you understand what I meant if I said I was only human?" I joked.

She nodded, though didn't smile, her eyes still conveying the hurt I caused her.

She offered me absolution.

I offered her damnation.

I saw when she realized the fear, her eyes suddenly becoming wider, her breaths becoming rapid and shallow. I became filled with hatred for myself.

"I'm the world's best predator, aren't I? Everything about me invites you in-my voice, my face, even my smell. As if I need any of that!" I ran back to my world, to show her exactly how small her chances were of surviving me.

"As if you could outrun me," I laughed, not out of humor.

I ripped a branch off the tree, venting my frustration, demonstrating my strength. I threw it against another branch, hating my strength, knowing that Bella needed to know. She needed to see all of me, not just the cultivated façade I was so used to wearing.

"As if you could fight me off," I said, my anger dissipating, watching her as she witnessed my demonstration.

She looked so small, so fragile. She was glass compared to my marble. She had turned white, almost as white as I.

I wanted to protect her, protect her from myself. I wanted to show her the ugly and the good, show her that while I could kill her, I could also love her, treat her as the goddess like she deserved.

I hoped to God I hadn't lost her.

"Don't be afraid," I murmured, my voice low, I hoped soothing, calming. "I promise…" I edited my vow, it needed to be more absolute. "I swear not to hurt you." I needed to hear the words, to hear myself say them to know that I could, that I meant it.

"Don't be afraid," I whispered again, stepping closer, slowly approaching her, giving her time to run, if she so wished.

I came closer to her, sitting a foot away from her.

"Please forgive me," I begged. "I can control myself. You caught me off guard. But I'm on my best behavior now."

I waited for her to make a sound, a movement to indicate her intentions yet she sat there, her eyes still fearful.

"I'm not thirsty today, honestly," I joked, hoping to warm the ice.

She smiled timidly, her laugh shaky and unconvincing.

"Are you all right?" I asked her, taking her hand, slowly placing it back in mine.

I stared at it, how small and fragile seemed in mine, how perfect it looked.

She looked at me, the trust shining in her eyes. She smiled.

She was mine.

I smiled back, so thankful that I hadn't screwed up, so thankful that she still felt something for me, so thankful that she was here to stay.

"So where were we, before I behaved so rudely?"

"I honestly can't remember," she told me, her voice slightly more normal.

I smiled, still feeling remorse at the fact I had scared her so greatly. As much I admonished her for not realizing how much of a threat I was, I wanted desperately to take back all the fear I made her experience.

"I think we were talking about why you were afraid, besides the obvious reason."

"Oh, right."

"Well?" I asked her, still curious about why she was afraid, wanting to redeem myself in her eyes.

She dropped her head, unwilling to tell me. She traced invisible patterns across my palm, her mind still closed to me. I had no idea what she was thinking or feeling, I was blind, with no idea what to say.

"How easily frustrated I am," I sighed, wishing that this wasn't so new to me, wishing that I had at least something to go on besides feeling.

She looked up into my eyes, her fingers stopping their random drawings. I remembered that she was new to this too, that she didn't know what to do, just I didn't.

She took a breath. "I was afraid…because for, well, obvious reasons, I can't stay with you. And I'm afraid that I'd like to stay with you, much more than I should."

She was blushing, looking down at our hands.

I wanted to smile and shout, elated that she felt the same emotion as I. She wanted to be with me, just as I wanted to be with her.

Yet as happy as I was I hated the idea of her sacrificing herself for me. I couldn't abide this.

"Yes," I agreed. "That is something to be afraid of, indeed. Wanting to be with me. That's really not in your best interest."

I could kill you.

I almost did.

She frowned, not understanding. My elation dissipated as I realized how star crossed we truly were. She would have to die to be with me.

I couldn't have that happen.

"I should have left long ago," I sighed, thinking how true that was. I should have left this earth almost a century ago. "I should leave now. But I don't know if I can."

I couldn't. Simple as that.

But I would, if it meant life for her.

"I don't want you to leave," Bella mumbled, staring back down at our hands.

"Which is exactly why I should. But don't worry. I'm essentially a selfish creature. I crave your company too much to do what I should," I told her wryly.

"I'm glad," she told me, offering a small smile.

"Don't be!" I told her harshly, tearing my hand away. Why did she do this? Why did she offer herself as a sacrificial lamb to a despicable creature like me?

Why didn't she understand that I craved her-not just her company and conversation, but her body and blood as well?

"It's not only your company I crave! Never forget that, never forget I am more dangerous to you than I am to anyone else!" I hissed, looking past her. I couldn't look at her anymore, couldn't see myself reflected in her eyes as something better than I was.

I saw myself as the monster saw me-leaning over her broken body as I drank from it thirstily. I would never love her as a normal man, I could not delude myself into thinking I could.

"I don't think I understand exactly what you mean, by that last part anyway," she said.

I smiled, looking down at her, calmed by the gentle cadence of her voice, the lilts of syllables, the question in her voice.

"How do I explain?" I thought aloud. "And without frightening you again…hmmm." I certainly didn't want to do that again. I hated to see her so afraid. I placed my hand back in hers, already craving her touch again. She held it in both of hers, unwilling to let go. I looked down, enjoying the sensation of her hands on mine.

"That's amazingly pleasant, the warmth," I murmured, losing myself in the sensation.

I went back to my thoughts, trying to explain to her the thirst I felt for her.

"You know how everyone enjoys different flavors? Some people love chocolate ice cream, others prefer strawberry?"

She nodded, her face earnest to understand. I winced, thinking how casually I referred to her as food. How crass.

"Sorry about the food analogy-I couldn't think of another way to explain."

She smiled, acceptance my analogy without a blink of an eye.

"You see, every person smells different, has a different essence. If you locked an alcoholic in a room full of stale bee, he'd gladly drink it. But he could resist, if he wished to, if he were a recovering alcoholic. Now let's say you placed in that room a glass of hundred year old brandy, the rarest, finest cognac-and filled the room with its warm aroma-how do you think he would fare then?"

She just looked into my eyes. She didn't understand, how could she? How could I convey the level of lust I felt? The absolute necessity I felt when I was intoxicated by her scent?

"Maybe that's not the right comparison. Maybe it would be too easy to turn down the brandy. Perhaps I should have made our alcoholic a heroin addict instead."

There. Maybe she would understand now.

"So what you're saying is, I'm your brand of heroin?" She teased.

I smiled quickly, loving the fact that even when presented with such information she could still keep her sense of humor. She understood, to some degree.

"Yes, you are exactly my brand of heroin."

"Does that happen often?"

"I spoke to my brothers about it," I told her, remembering the conversation I had with them. "To Jasper, everyone one of you is much the same. He's the most recent to join our family. It's a struggle for him to abstain at all. He hasn't had time to grow sensitive to the differences in smell, in flavor." I glanced at Bella, afraid that I offended her.

"Sorry," I apologized.

"I don't mind. Please don't worry about offending me, or frightening me, or whichever. That's the way you think. I can understand, or I can try to, at least. Just explain however you can."

I took a deep breath, looking at the sky. "So Jasper wasn't sure if he'd ever come across someone who was as-" I searched, trying to find the correct word. "appealing as you are to me. Which makes me think not. Emmett has been on the wagon longer, so to speak, and he understood what I meant. He says twice, for him, one stronger than the other."

"And you?"

"Never."

We sat in silence as my answer hung in the air, lingering like an echo.

"What did Emmett do?"

His memory flashed back in my mind, making me sick to think about it. I couldn't look at her, knowing that I could do the same, I looked away, clenching my hands into fists.

"I guess I know," she said.

I lifted my gaze to hers, hoping to see the confidence that I could be better than myself.

"Even the strongest of us fall off the wagon, don't we?"

"What are you asking? My permission?" She snapped, her face suddenly showing the strain that she was under. It lifted as soon as it came, replaced by a more calmer façade. "I mean, is there no hope, then?"

"No!" I burst out. "No. Of course there's hope! I mean, of course I won't…" She left me tongue tied, unable to string a sentence together. I looked in her eyes, trying to make her understand. "It's different for us. Emmett…these were strangers he happened across. It was a long time ago and he wasn't as…practiced, as careful, as he is now."

I watched, wondering what she thought.

"So, if we'd met…oh, in a dark alley or something…"

"It took everything I had not to jump up in the middle of that class full of children and-" I caught myself, unwilling to tell her everything. "When you walked past me, I could have ruined everything Carlisle has built for us, right then and there. I hadn't been denying my thirst for the last, well, too many years, I wouldn't have been able to stop myself."

She remembered, I saw it, both us playing the same memory in our heads.

"You must have thought I was possessed."

"I couldn't understand why. How could you hate me so quickly…"

"To me, it was like you were some kind of demon, summoned straight from my own personal hell to ruin me. The fragrance coming off your skin…I thought it would make me deranged that first day. In that one hour, I thought of a hundred different ways to lure you from the room with me, to get you alone. And I fought them each back, thinking of my family, what I could do to them. I had to run out, to get away before I could speak the words that would make you follow…"

I trailed off, wondering what Bella thought of my confession.

"You would have come," I promised her quietly.

"Without a doubt."

I looked down, unable to accept her response. I continued. "And then as I tried to rearrange my schedule in a pointless attempt to avoid you, you were there-in that close, warm little room, the scent was maddening. I so very nearly took you then. There was only one other frail human there-so easily dealt with."

She shivered, twice. I wanted to comfort her, to tell her that was a different person, a person I would protect her from. I couldn't. I couldn't protect her from myself.

"But I resisted. I don't know how. I forced myself not to wait for you, not to follow you from school. It was easier outside, when I couldn't smell you anymore, to think clearly, to make the right decision. I left the others near home-I was too ashamed to tell them how weak I was, they only know something was very wrong, and then I went straight to Carlisle, at the hospital, to tell him I was leaving."

"I traded cars with him, he had a full tank of gas and I didn't want to stop. I didn't dare to go home to face Esme. She wouldn't have let me go without a scene. She would have tried to convince me that it was necessary…

By the next morning I was in Alaska. I spent two days there, with some old acquaintances, but I was homesick, I hated knowing I'd upset Esme, and the rest of them, my adopted family. In the pure air of the mountains it was hard to believe that you were so irresistible. I convinced myself it was weak to run away. I'd dealt with temptation before, not of this magnitude, not even close, but I was strong. Who were you, an insignificant little girl to chase me from the place I wanted to be? So I came back…" I lapsed into silence, not used to talking so much to anyone.

"I took precautions, hunting, feeding more than usual before seeing you again. I was sure that I was strong enough to treat you like any other human. I was arrogant about it.

"It was unquestionably a complication that I couldn't simply read your thoughts to know what your reaction was to me. I wasn't used to having to go to such circuitous measures, listening to your words in Jessica's mind…her mind isn't very original and it was annoying to have to stoop to that. And then I couldn't know if you really meant what you said. It was all extremely irritating.

"I wanted you to forget my behavior that first day, if possible, so I tried to talk with you like I would any person. I was eager, actually, hoping to decipher some of your thoughts. But you were too interesting, I could myself caught up in your expressions…and every now and then you would stir the air with your hand to your hair and the scent would stun me again…

"Of course, then you were nearly crushed to death in front of my eyes. Later I thought of a perfectly good excuse for why I acted at that moment, because if I hadn't saved you, if your bloody had been spilled there in front of me, I don't think I could have stopped myself from exposing us for what we are. But I only thought of that excuse later. At the time, all I could think was, 'Not her.'"

I remembered my litany, the terror I felt, witness her possible death.

I felt drained, realizing that I had essentially laid out everything in front of her to do as she would.

"In the hospital?" She pulled me back to my story.

"I was appalled. I couldn't believe I had put us in danger after all, put myself in your power-you of all people. As if I needed another motive to kill you." I flinched, realizing that before I had merely danced around the word.

"But it had the opposite effect. I fought with Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper, when they suggested that now was the time…the worst fight we've ever had. Carlisle sided with me and Alice." I grimaced, thinking of the reasoning Alice gave me.

"Esme told me to do whatever I had to in order to say." I shook my head, thinking of how willing she was to let me do as I wished, just as longed as I stayed.

"All that next day I eaves dropped on the minds of everyone you spoke to, shocked that you kept your word. I didn't understand you at all. But I knew that I couldn't become more involved with you. I did my very best to stay as far from you as possible. And every day the perfume of your skin, your breath, your hair…it hit me as hard as the very first day.

"And for all that, I'd have fared better if I had exposed us all at that first moment, then if now, here-with no witnesses and nothing to stop me-I were to hurt you."

"Why?" she asked.

"Isabella," I reached out, ruffling her hair with my hand, so gifted by her achingly human question. "Bella, I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you. You don't know how it's tortured me. The thought of you, still, white, cold…to never see you blush scarlet again, to never see that flash of intuition in your eyes when you see thought my pretenses…it would be unendurable."

I stopped, unsure if I should tell her how I felt, deciding that I needed to.

"You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever."

I watched, waiting for her to tell me that she just wanted to be friends, that she was not ready for the level of commitment that I offered. She wanted a dalliance, a casual date.

It didn't matter.

I still loved her.

"You already know how I feel, of course," she said breathlessly. "I'm here…which means, roughly translated, that I would rather die than stay away from you." She stared down at our hands, frowning. "I'm an idiot."

"You are an idiot," I teased, laughing. She looked up, laughing along with me.

We couldn't stop ourselves, after everything that was said, everything that I'd confessed, it was a relief to laugh.

"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…" I sighed. Bringing everything, since the day I met her, to a conclusion, not an ending, but an understanding.

I loved her.

"What a stupid lamb," Bella sighed.

"What a sick, masochistic lion," I completed.

We were certainly a pair.

"Why…?"

I looked up, smiling at Bella's beauty in the sunlight.

"Yes?"

"Tell me why you ran from me before."

My smile faltered, I didn't want to think about it, didn't want to shatter the dream again.

"You know why."

"No, I mean, exactly what did I do wrong?" I 'll have to be on my guard, you see, so I better start learning what I shouldn't do. This, for example," she caressed my hand again, "seems to be all right."

God, it was heavenly.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Bella. It was my fault."

"But I want to help, if I can, to not make this harder for you."

"Well…," I thought for a second, appreciating her willingness to help me, wondering how I could put this delicately. "It was just how close you were. Most humans instinctively shy away from us, are repelled by our alienness…I wasn't expecting you to come so close. And the smell of your throat-" I stopped, realizing how it sounded.

"Okay then," she said lightly, tucking her chin. "No throat exposure."

I laughed, loving her joking matter, trying to bring me up from my mood. "No, really, it was more the surprise than anything else."

I reached out hesitantly, not wanting to hurt her in anyway, putting my hand on her throat, the object of my fixation for so long.

It was hard to speak, my throat constricting, not because of my fear of losing control, but the sheer nearness of her, how soft she was, how silken her skin.

"You see, perfectly fine," I proved to her.

The blood rushed to her face, racing in the veins in her throat.

"The blush on your cheeks is lovely," I murmured, brushing her cheek with my other hand, reveling in the warmth I found there.

"Be very still," I murmured to her.

I couldn't do this any other way.

I leaned toward her, resting my cheek against her throat. It was heaven, or hell, I hadn't quite decided yet. I wanted to stay there forever, in her embrace.

I slid my hands down her neck, appreciating the curves, the skin, everything about it.

She shivered, and I wondered for a moment if I could do this, continue to be so close, touching her as I fantasized about for so long. I rested my hands on her shoulders, marveling how slim and fragile they seemed. I skimmed my nose across her collarbone, able to appreciate the bouquet while resisting the wine.

I pressed the side of my face against her chest, listening to her heart.

This was heaven. Being this close to her, smelling her amazing scent, her beautiful décolletage.

I loved the gentle rhythm of her heart, a sound that was so precious to me.

I held her, relishing the sensation of serenity.

I had to release her though, before this went to far. I needed to take this in small steps.

"It won't be so hard again," I said with satisfaction.

"Was it very hard for you?"

"Not nearly as bad as I imagined it would be. And you?"

"No, it wasn't bad…for me."

"You know what I mean," I smiled at her.

"Here," I took her hand, placing it against my cheek. "Do you feel how warm it is?"

I loved the sensation, a warmth that she gave me.

She kept her hand on my face, whispering to me, "don't move."

I closed my eyes, becoming stiller than a statue, feeling her caresses. She traced the shadows under my eyes, my eyelids. Her fingers trailed down to my nose, then to my lips.

I parted them, I couldn't help it. They were so soft, so seductive, I wished that they were her lips.

I was staggered by my desire. I wasn't worried, frightened that I would hurt her. Instead, I wished that she would kiss me, that she would replace her fingers with her lips.

She dropped her hand and for a small moment I thought that perhaps it would happen. Instead I felt her lean away and I realized that my frenzied dream wouldn't happen, that she was just as well aware of the boundaries as I.

I wanted to howl in frustration. No, I wanted to take her in my arms again and this time kiss her.

"I wish," I whispered-I wished a lot of things, that I was a human man, that I could kiss her and not kill her. "I wish you could feel the…complexity…the confusion…I feel. That you could understand."

I wanted her, not as the object of my thirst but rather of my lust, my desire for her body almost matched my desire for her blood.

I brushed my hand across her face, needing to touch her, hoping that she understood.

"Tell me," it was barely above a breath, a whisper.

"I don't think I can. I've told you, on the one hand, the hunger-the thirst-that, deplorable creature that I am, I feel for you. And I think you can understand that, to an extent. Though, as you are not addicted to any illegal substances, you probably can't empathize completely."

"But…" I brushed her lips, marveling at their color, how soft they were. She shivered again. "There are other hungers. Hungers I don't even understand, that are foreign to me."

"I may understand that better than you think."

"I'm not used to feeling so human. Is it always like this?" Did they always feel as if they were riding roller coasters, as if adrenaline was constantly rushing through their veins.

"For me?" She paused. "No, never. Never before this."

I was in complete ignorance, for the first time in decades. I held her hands, unable to break contact with her.

"I don't know how to be close to you," I admitted. "I don't know if I can."

She leaned in ever so slowly and I wondered, yet again, what she was going to do. She placed her cheek on my chest, and I wondered if she could hear the slight quickening of my breath.

She smiled, sighing. "This is enough."

And for right now it was.

I put my arms around her, pressing my face in her hair, living out a fantasy I have had since watching her sleep for the first time.

"You're better at this than you give yourself credit for," she told me, the words traced onto my chest.

"I have human instincts-they may be buried deep, but they're there." I had to believe that there was still an element of humanity in me.

We sat like that, intertwined within ourselves, until the shadows overtook the light. She sighed.

"You have to go."

"I thought you couldn't read my mind."

"It's getting clearer."

A thought occurred to me. I took her shoulders, getting used to touching her.

"Can I show you something?" I asked her excitedly.

"Show me what?"

"I'll show you how _I_ travel in the forest."

She looked scared. "Don't worry, you'll be very safe, and we'll get to your truck much faster." I smiled, hoping to dazzle her.

"Will you turn into a bat?" she asked dryly.

I laughed, my true laugh. "Like I haven't heard _that_ one before!"

"Right, I'm sure you get that all the time."

"Come on, little coward, climb on my back."

I smiled as she tried to judge my sincerity. I held out my hand, hoping that she would take it. She did and I slung her onto my back as if she weighed nothing. She wrapped her legs around me, clinging to me.

I loved it.

"I'm a bit heavier than your average backpack," she warned.

"Hah!" I wondered if she realized that she weighed nothing compared to myself.

I grabbed her hand, reveling in the excitement that I felt whether I was preparing to run. I inhaled her scent, loving the exquisiteness of it.

"Easier all the time," I muttered to myself.

I ran, loving the freedom, the excitement of not only running but being with Bella. I had told her everything, including my love for her.

And she accepted me, loved me.

I ran.

We made it to her truck in mere minutes.

"Exhilarating, isn't it?" I asked her.

But she didn't respond. She clung to me, hyperventilating.

"Bella?" I asked, panicked. I shouldn't have run with her, it was too much for her.

"I think I need to lie down," she gasped.

"Oh, sorry," I apologized, waiting for her to climb down.

"I think I need your help."

I laughed quietly, gathered her around so that I held her like a child. I held her for a moment, then setting her down on some ferns.

"How do you feel?"

She thought for a moment. "Dizzy, I think."

"Put your head between your knees," I said automatically, immediately switching to doctor mode.

Her pulse was fine, her breathing slowing to normal. I sat beside for her, watching her.

I still thought about her lips, still thought about kissing her. Her lips were unbelievably red, unbelievably enticing.

This had nothing to do with bloodlust, I was sure of that. It had more to do with the still unfamiliar desires of a man.

I wanted, _needed_ to know what it was like to kiss her.

She raised her head, blinking every few moments, still trying to orient themselves.

"I guess that wasn't the best idea," I said to break the silence.

"No," she protested. "It was very interesting."

I looked at Bella, her face whiter than marble. Her eyes were slightly glazed over, still dizzy.

"Hah! You're as white as a ghost-no, you're as white as _me_!"

"I think I should have closed my eyes."

"Remember that next time."

"Next time?!" she squeaked.

I laughed, everything hitting me at once-showing her my skin in the sun, glittering like a thousand pieces of glass. I ran faster than her car drove and while it was an admittedly bad first experience, she still was here.

I told her I loved her and she loved me too.

There weren't kings happier than I.

"Show off," she muttered.

Now or never. It was such a perfect situation, I couldn't pass it up.

I sat so close to her, her face inches from mine. "Open your eyes, Bella," I told her quietly.

She opened them obediently, sucking in her breath as she realized our proximity.

"I was thinking, while I was running…"

"About not hitting trees, I hope," she quipped.

"Silly Bella," I chuckled, "Running is second nature to me, it's not something I have to think about."

"Show off," she muttered again.

"No, I was thinking there was something I wanted to try." I took her face in my hands.

I had to be sure that I could do this, that once I touched my lips to hers I wouldn't do something that I would regret. I had to be sure that she would enjoy this as much as I.

I pressed my lips to hers.

It was an amazing sensation, a closeness I had never experienced, never would have fathomed until I kissed Bella. Her lips were just as soft as I dreamed, if possible, softer. Warmth spread through me, relishing the sensation.

Then Bella reacted.

Her fingers twisted in my hair, tugging my head closer to hers as her lips parted.

Too much.

There was such a thing as too much heaven. I couldn't think, the monster roared in me. What's more, the man roared in me. He was willing to brave the monster, willing to kiss her more deeply and taunt the monster to do something about it.

I took my lips away, gently, carefully guarding my expression.

Bella looked sheepish. "Oops."

I snorted, trying to get the two warring sides of me to calm themselves. "That's an understatement."

I held her face, unwilling to let her go completely.

She started to pull away. "Should I…?"

I tightened my grip, ever so slightly, just to make sure she didn't leave.

"No, it's tolerable. Wait for a moment please."

I breathed in and out slowly, waiting for the excitement to cease. The monster and the man stopped their clamor.

I smiled. "There," I said, pleased with myself.

"Tolerable?"

"I'm stronger than I thought. It's nice to know," I laughed delightedly.

She blushed. "I wish I could say the same, I'm sorry."

"You are only human, after all."

"Thanks so much," she said sarcastically.

I stood up, holding out my hand, worried that she was still faint. From the run, of course.

She took it, obviously needing it. She barely kept her balance.

"Are you still faint from the run? Or was it my kissing expertise?" I teased.

She gaped at me, her lips slightly parted as she stared at me. In a panicked moment I thought she was about to tell me that the kiss was sub-par at best. To my credit, it was my first kiss and I had more worries than the average human.

Such as killing my girlfriend.

"I can't be sure, I'm still woozy," she answered. "I think it's some of both, though."

I wondered if my grin looked as stupid as I thought it did.

"Maybe you should let me drive."

"Are you insane?" she protested, not about to give me her keys.

"I can drive better than you on your best day," I teased. "You have much slower reflexes."

"I'm sure that's true, but I don't think my nerves, or my truck, can take it."

"Some trust, please, Bella," I begged her.

Her hand curled around the car keys in her pocket, her lips pursed-beautiful still, so full too, even Botticelli would be envious. I wondered if I kissed her again-

"Nope. Not a chance."

It took me a second to realize that she meant driving, her words interrupting my thoughts so well that I wondered their true meaning.

I raised an eyebrow, questioning her, challenging her.

She tried to step around me and would have succeeded had it not been for the slight wobble. I snaked an arm around her waist, grounding her, stopping her from getting into the car.

"Bella, I've already expended a great deal of personal effort at this point to keep you alive. I'm not about to let you behind the wheel of a vehicle when you can't even walk straight. Besides, friends don't let friends drive drunk," I quoted to her.

"Drunk?"

"You're intoxicated by my very presence," I said proudly.

"I can't argue with that," she sighed, holding the key high and dropping it. I caught it immediately, soundlessly.

"Take it easy-my truck is a senior citizen," she said.

"Very sensible."

"And are you not affected at all?" she asked, slightly annoyed. "By my presence?"

I wondered how she could think that, that when she walked into a room I didn't notice, that I didn't watch her every move, obsessed about her lips, that there were moments that I didn't think about her.

I would have to show her, then.

I brushed my lips along the side of her face, ear to chin, following the exquisite curve.

Heaven.

"Regardless," I whispered against her skin, "I have better reflexes."


	24. Chapter 24

The sun set in the sky and yet I didn't mind. I enjoyed it, to an extent. I liked watching the colors of Bella's hair illuminate in the dying light, I liked watching the light on her skin.

I didn't even mind driving her truck.

My mind wandered to our kiss-our first kiss. I wanted to proclaim in a disaster, yet I could bring myself to, not with how close she was to swooning, how it felt to press my lips to her soft lips. How perfect she smelled, how rewarding the closeness was, even after her reaction.

I held her hand even now, having to make sure she was still here, that this wasn't a dream, even though it was impossible for me to dream. Perhaps I had finally gone insane, the loneliness had finally swallowed me up, leaving me to my certain madness.

But she was here. She was real.

She loved me.

I repeated those words like a litany, loving how they sounded, reveling in their verity.

I turned on her radio, needing to have music, if just in the background. I turned it to a fifties music station, easily my favorite. I sang along to one of my favorite songs.

"You like fifties music?" she asked me curiously.

"Music in the fifties was good. Much better than the sixties or the seventies, ugh!" I shuddered. "The eighties were bearable."

"Are you ever going to tell me how old you are?" she asked, uncertainty ringing her voice, with an underscore of curiosity.

"Does it matter much?" After all, any measure of time was irrelevant. I would exist until there wasn't a reason to anymore.

"No, but I still wonder…" she grimaced, as if she encountered something extremely unpleasant. "There's nothing like an unsolved mystery to keep you up at night."

"I wonder if it will upset you," I murmured. I was still convinced that there would be that one thing, one fact about me that would make her run away, that she would finally see me for who I was.

"Try me," she said.

I sighed, making sure she was sure. I wouldn't tell her if there was even a whisper of uncertainty.

There was nothing of the sort, of course. Just the absolution she always gave me.

"I was born in Chicago in 1901," I began. I looked over, wondering if I would see the look of shock I expected.

Her face was in a carefully crafted mask of unsurprised and patience, waiting for me to continue my story.

"Carlisle found me in a hospital in the summer of 1918. I was seventeen and dying of the Spanish influenza."

Bella gasped. She realized, I believed, that I had actually died, that I truly wasn't human.

She recovered, waited for me to continue, her eyes betraying no emotion other than polite curiosity.

"I don't remember it well, it was a very long time ago and human memories fade." They were more like dreams, or the memories that children have that are just the stories and memories of their parents, never anything they truly remembered. "I do remember how it felt, when Carlisle saved me. It's not an easy thing."

It was painful, like nothing I had ever felt before and hoped not to feel again. It was a journey through hell, punishment for defying nature.

"Your parents?"

"They had already died form the disease. I was alone. That was why he chose me. In all the chaos of the epidemic, no one would ever realize I was gone."

"How did he…save you?"

I wondered how to tell her. I wondered if there was any good way to tell it without cheapening it, the possibility of words diluting the meaning to something frivolous.

"It was difficult. Not many of us have the restraint necessary to accomplish it. But Carlisle has always been the most humane, the most compassionate of us…I don't think you could find his equal throughout history. For me, it was merely very, very painful."

I pressed my lips together, hoping she would ask me no more. I wanted to think about our day…date some more.

She let it go, completely surprising me.

She needed to know. It suddenly became imperative that she knew, despite my reluctance to tell her. I needed her to know every aspect of my life, even the end of it.

"He acted from lonliness. That's usually the reason behind the choice. I was the first in Carlisle's family, though he found Esme soon after. She fell from a cliff. They brought her straight to the hospital morgue, though, somehow, her heart was still beating."

"So you must be dying, then, to become…" She let it dangle, never saying the word.

"No, that's just Carlisle. He would never do that to someone who had another choice," he was a much better man than I, able to accept and embrace the concept of free will, to see this as another chance at life. Then, and only then, would he think of his happiness.

Unlike myself.

"It is easier he says, though, if the blood is weak," I mentioned, trying to make myself feel at least a little better.

I looked towards the road, knowing that we would be soon nearing the city limits, knowing that soon our time together would end.

"And Emmett and Rosalie?" she asked.

"Carlisle brought Rosalie to our family next. I didn't realize till much later that he was hoping she would be to me what Esme was to him-he was carefully with his thoughts around me." I rolled my eyes, thinking how very much I could not stand Rosalie Hale in the first few weeks of our acquaintance. "But she was never more than a sister. It was only two years later that she found Emmett. She was hunting-we were in Appalachia at the time-and found a bear about to finish him off. She carried him back to Carlisle, more than a hundred miles, afraid she wouldn't be able to do it herself. I'm only beginning to guess how difficult that journey was for her."

I looked over at Bella, unable to bear the thought of having to make that choice, to watch her die as I wondered if I would be strong enough to damn her. I brushed her cheek with my hand still in hers, so thankful for the contact, the nearness of her.

"But she made it," Bella said, as if proving to me that it was possible.

"Yes. She saw something in his face that made her strong enough. And they've been together ever since. Sometimes the live separately from us, as a married couple. But the younger we pretend to be, the longer we can stay in any given place. Forks seemed perfect, so we all enrolled in high school." I laughed, thinking of how many diplomas and degrees we collectively had, thinking of how I saw some bridal magazines on the table. "I suppose we'll have to go to their wedding in a few years, again."

"Alice and Jasper?"

I paused for a moment, collecting my thoughts. "Alice and Jasper are two very rare creatures. They both developed a conscience, as we refer to it, with no outside guidance. Jasper belonged to another…family, a very different kind of family. He became depressed, and he wandered on his own. Alice found him. Like me, she has certain gifts above and beyond the norm for our kind."

"Really?" Bella interjected, the interest evident in her voice. "But you said you were the only one who could hear people's thoughts."

"That's true. She knows other things. She sees things-things that might happen, things that are coming. But it's very subjective. The future isn't set in stone. Things change."

Whom was I trying to convince?

"What kinds of things does she see?"

"She saw Jasper and knew that he was looking for her before he knew it himself. She saw Carlisle and our family, and they came together to find us. She's most sensitive to non-humans. She always sees, for example, when another group of our kind is coming near. And any threat they may pose."

"Are there at lot of…your kind?" she asked, surprised.

"No, not amny. But most won't settle in any one place. Only those like us, who've given up hunting you people can live together with human for any length of time. We've only found on other family like ours, in a small village in Alaska. We lived together for a time,. But there were so many of us that we became to noticeable. Those of us who live…differently tend to band together."

"And the others?"

"Nomads, for the most part. We've all lived that way at times. It gets tedious, like anything else. But we fun across the others now and then,. Because most of us prefer the North."

"Why is that?"

I parked in front of her house, wishing that I still had a little bit more time, just a little bit more to talk to her.

"Did you have your eyes open this afternoon?" I teased. "Do you think I could walk down the street in the sunlight without causing traffic accidents? There's a reason why we chose the Olympic Peninsula, on of the most sunless places in the world. It's nice to be able to go outside in the day. You wouldn't believe how tired you can get of nighttime in eighty-odd years."

"So that's were the legends come from?"

"Probably."

"And Alice came from another family, like Jasper?"

"No and this is a mystery. Alice doesn't remember her human life at all. And she doesn't know who created her. She awoke alone. Whoever made her walked away and none of us understand why, or how, he could. If she hand't had that other sense, if she hadn't seen Jasper and Carlisle and known that she would someday become one of us, she probably would have turned into a total savage."

Bella's brow furrowed, deep in thought. I wondered how many questions were going through her mind, what those questions were.

Her stomach growled.

"I'm sorry, I'm keeping you from dinner." It was so easy to forget that she was human, with needs, like eating.

"I'm fine," she told me. "Really."

"I've never spent much time around anyone who eats food. I forget."

"I want to stay with you," she said with such longing that I was ready to tell her that I would stay with her as long as she wanted, that there was nothing in this world that would make me leave her.

"Can't I come in?" I asked her lightly. I wondered if I was her secret, someone-something that she would hide from everyone around her.

"Would you like to?" she asked hopefully.

"Yes, if it's all right," I replied, closing the truck door and opening hers.

"Very human," she told me with a smile.

"It's definitely resurfacing."

It was amazing-how much it truly was resurfacing. I wanted to be with her so much, so much more than I had ever felt before. For once I thought about the future, even looked forward to it. It was fleeting, after all, we would graduate college and never see each other again. I would keep an eye out for her, wondering how she was doing. Maybe she would stay in Forks and after a few years I would come back, watch her become a beautiful wife with a husband who didn't deserve her. I wanted to protect her, to love her as much as I could. But as much as I loved her, I would have to let her go.

I had never felt so vulnerable in my life.

I got the key from the eave, opening the door to allow Bella in.

"The door was unlocked?"

"No, I used the key from under the eave."

She stepped inside, flicking on some lights before turning towards me, her eyebrows raised.

"I was curious about you."

"You spied on me?" I expected her to be outraged, to demand that I leave, stalker-freak that I was. Yet her voice betrayed how flattered she was, how she couldn't be mad at me, even if she tried.

Even if she told me to never come around again, I still would. "What else is there to do at night?"

She didn't respond, instead walked to the kitchen. I sat down, watching her make herself dinner.

It was so charming, so disarmingly normal, at least for her, that I ached to be human, to grow old with her, to watch her make dinner every night.

"How often?" she asked me casually.

"Hmm?" I still lingered, thinking of how terribly nice it would be to spend forever with her.

"How often did you come here?"

"I come here almost every night."

She turned around, stunned by my answer, her eyes wide in fear.

"Why?" Her voice shook, only slightly, a small vibrato.

"You're interesting when you sleep. You talk."

"No!" The blood rushed to her face, turning it scarlet. She was horrified by the idea. She wavered ever so slightly, catching the counter for support.

"Are you very angry with me?" For such a good liar I was terrible of telling her what she wanted to hear, what she needed to hear.

"That depends!" Her voice was comically furious and breathless at the same time.

"On?"

"What you heard!" she wailed, clearly embarrassed.

I went to her, knowing that I had to let her know that I didn't watch her out of comic relief, but rather I watched her because she was beautiful and interesting and I couldn't help myself.

"Don't be upset!" I pleaded, taking her hands in mine.

She tried to look away, still embarrassed as if I had revealed her most terrible secret.

"You miss your mother. You worry about her. And when it rains, the sound makes you restless. You used to talk about home a lot, but it's less often now. Once you said, 'It's too _green_.'" I laughed, caught up in the memory. I wanted to show her how I saw her, to show her how beautiful and truly amazing I thought she was.

"Anything else?"

She knew. She knew she dreamed of me and probably talked also.

"You did say my name."

She sighed. "A lot?"

"How much do you mean by 'a lot', exactly?"

"Oh no!" she wailed again, hanging her head.

I pulled her to me. "Don't be self-conscious. If I could dream at all, it would be about you. And I'm not ashamed of it." I longed for it, wished that if I closed my eyes, that perhaps that I would defy nature once again and enter a different world from the one I inhibited.

Her father was coming home. I could hear his thoughts, most of them about Bella, though there were a few about dinner. He hoped that she was ok, that she wasn't bored. And mostly he hoped that she wasn't going to the school dance.

Bella stiffened in my arms. "Should your father know I'm here?" I asked.

"I'm not sure…" she said.

"Another time then…"

I ran out of her house at my speed, knowing that neither Bella nor her father could see me.

"Edward!" she hissed as I reached the door.

I chuckled.

"I'll be back," I whispered, knowing that she couldn't hear me.

"I promise."


	25. Chapter 25

Bella was my girlfriend

Bella was my girlfriend.

And she loved me.

Now that I was without her company, the realization of all of these things hit once again, that I found someone in the world that was the other half of myself-the better half of myself.

I didn't deserve her.

I thought about going home but I couldn't bring myself to. Rosalie would only sneer and/or sulk, while my brothers would just give me a hard time.

God knows what Alice would do.

I climbed the wall to her window, into her bedroom.

It smelled like her, the faint smell like the clothes of a lover still in a closet. 

I sat on her bed, loving the smell and the feel of it, listening to Bella and her father discuss their day.

"Can you get me some of that? I'm bushed," Charlie said. She gave served him some, sitting down with her own dinner. She was eating fast, he noted. 

'_I wonder if she's sneaking out to the dance. Maybe she thought I wouldn't let her go. Damn straight I wouldn't," _ Charlie thought.

"In a hurry?" he asked, watching her chug her milk.

"Yeah, I'm tired. I'm going to bed early." I grinned stupidly in response to her answer, even though she didn't know I was here.

"You look kinda keyed up." _'Now she'll probably fess up and tell me she's going to that dance.'_

"Do I?"

"It's Saturday," he tried again, wondering if she was going to take the bait.

"No plans tonight?"

"No, Dad, I just want to get some sleep."

'_Why is she lying?'_ "None of the boys in town your type, eh?" 

"No, none of the boys have caught my eye yet," she said. She empathized the word boy, just slightly, making the grin still plastered on my face that much wider.

"I thought that maybe that Mike Newton…you said he was friendly."

I let out a low growl, wanting to march down the stairs and introduce myself to Chief Swan as Bella's boyfriend. Mention that if Mike Newton or any of those bastards that lusted after Bella ever came to her door, that I would personally make sure that they couldn't walk again.

"He's _just_ a friend, Dad," Bella told him.

I smiled in satisfaction.

"Well, you're too good for them all, anyway. Wait till you get to college to start looking."

"Sounds like a good idea to me," she said, going up the stairs.

"'Night honey," he called. _'Good. Maybe I was just being paranoid. I gotta stop listening to the stories the guys tell about their daughters. Bella's not like that.'_

Bella came into the room and it felt like the light had returned again, even though her room was pitch black.

"Edward?" she whispered.

"Yes?" 

She jumped, her hand to her throat. She didn't expect me to stay, apparently, though I loved the fact she felt my presence in her room.

"Oh!" She sank to the floor, the surprise obviously too much.

"I'm sorry." I tried to suppress my smile, even though the situation was still amusing to me.

"Just give me a minute to restart my heart."

I sat up, slowly, so to not startle her, and picked her up like a small child, placing her on the bed next to me.

"Why don't you sit with me?" I suggested, putting my hand on hers. "How's the heart?"

"You tell me-I'm sure you hear it better than I do."

I laughed, I could, without question. It slowed down, soon turning to normal.

"Can I have a moment to be human?" she asked.

"Certainly," I told her, waving my hand to let her.

"Stay," she ordered, trying to pull her mouth into a frown and willing her eyes to convey sternness.

"Yes, ma'am," I replied, becoming still on her bed.

She pulled her pajamas off the floor, the bag of toiletries from her desk.

She left, the room still dark, making as much noise as possible, I assumed to keep her father from coming upstairs.

I heard the water of the shower. I started to think about Bella's long hair, wet from the shower, the water droplets rolling down her back, how her skin would turn pink from heat, creating a blush all over her body, all over her curves…

I was panting.

I wasn't any better than the dogs that thought about Bella during classes, in fact, I was worse, being the monster that I was.

I hummed what I called her song until she got out, though the errant thought did make itself known. 

"'Night, Dad."

"'Night, Bella," he replied. _'Maybe she really doesn't like the boys here…'_

She was back in her room in no time at all, trying to bite back a smile as she stood there. Her hair was still dripping wet, the color darker than it really was, her skin still pink from the shower. Her skin hugged the t-shirt, which had holes revealing her beautiful skin. She might as well had been wearing the most provocative of lingerie, given my reaction. Everything was suddenly tight, tense and I wanted to run my hands all over her. 

"Nice," I said, hoping that my voice sounded casual, flippant, instead of the highness I was sure was there.

She grimaced, as if I just insulted her.

"No, it looks good on you," I assured her. Too good, in fact.

"Thanks," she whispered, coming to sit next to me.

"What was all that for?"

"Charlie thinks I'm sneaking out.

"Oh." I thought for a second, wondering if I was missing something about their relationship, if Charlie had a reason to think that Bella would sneak out. "Why?"

"Apparently, I'm a little overexcited."

It seemed like forever since I touched her last and I jumped at the opportunity. I took her chin in my hand, examining her face. She was warm, her face a faint pink, her skin softer than the petal of a rose. 

"You look a little warm, actually."

I bent my face closer to hers, a position that once scared me, but now I took every chance I could to touch her, to close the distance between us as much as possible. I laid my cheek against her skin, loving the sensation, the feeling of it. 

I breathed in, moaning only slightly at the contact. I couldn't stop myself, feeling everything exponentially more than the average human. I felt every inch, every centimeter of our skin meeting, felt every degree of hot meeting cold, fire meeting ice.

"It seems to be…much easier for you, now, to be close to me."

"Does it seem that way to you?" I continued my exploration of her face, not quite ready to let it go. God, the smell was intoxicating, even though I had enveloped myself in it all day. I brushed her hair back, wanting to reach the hallow beneath her ear.

"Much, much easier," she breathed.

"Hmmm." I loved listening to her, but at this moment I rather wished she would stop talking and let my concentrate on my mission to feel my lips on every inch of her skin.

I traced her collarbone, marveling in its fragility. It was like spun glass, feeling as if it would crumble to dust if I pushed to hard. How could something be so perfect looking? The angle, the texture, everything.

Perfect.

"So I was wondering…" she began. 

"Yes?"

"Why is that, do you think?" her voice shook, a tremolo of a thousand violins.

I laughed, thinking about how all the anguish and torture that I put myself through was worth it. I was distracted for a brief second on the way my lips brushed her skin like the wings of a hummingbird. 

"Mind of matter," I told her, going back to my exploration.

She pulled back and I instantly froze, not even breathing. It was like being awakened from a dream, remembering that I wasn't a human man who could take the liberties I had just taken without being extremely careful. But those liberties…!

Maybe I hurt her. I looked at her neck, wondering if there would be a bruise there the next morning, then remembering how soft it was, how absolutely beautiful her skin was in the light of the night, how enjoyable it was to begin my voyage across her skin, how I would have to do it again, and again, then once more after that.

Perhaps she didn't enjoy it. Maybe I had done something wrong-I had absolutely no experience in this, how would I know what she liked and what she didn't? I just assumed-the visions I couldn't escape of my family in more intimate moments led me to believe that most girls-

Bella wasn't most girls.

But her breathing was fast, quick staccatos. Her eyes were darker, matching the color of her hair when it was wet. The physical signs were there-she was enjoying this as much as I.

I hated not knowing, not being good at this already. This was new, unfamiliar territory.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"No-the opposite. You're driving me crazy."

I thought briefly if that was a good or bad thing, finally settling on good. "Really?" I smiled in spite of myself, pleased that I wasn't completely useless in the art of pleasuring a girl.

"Would you like a round of applause?" Bella asked drolly.

I grinned, loving her even more at the appearance of her wit, even at a time like this.

"I'm just pleasantly surprised," I explained. "In the last hundred years or so, I never imagined anything like this. I didn't believe I would ever find someone I wanted to be with…in another way than my brothers and sisters. And then to find, even though it's all new to me, that I'm good at it…at being with you…"

"You're good at everything."

I shrugged, unable to deny it, laughing with her, loving the sounds of our laughs together.

"But how can it be so easy now?" she asked. "This afternoon…"

"It's not _easy_," I sighed. It would never be easy. "But this afternoon, I was still…undecided. I am sorry about that, it was unforgivable to behave so."

"Not unforgivable," Bella disagreed.

"Thank you," I smiled in gratitude. "You see, I wasn't sure if I was strong enough…" I pressed one of her hand to my face, to demonstrate exactly how strong I was, now. "And while there was still that possibility that I might be…overcome," I breathed the scent of her that came from her wrist. "I was…susceptible. Until I made up my mind that I was strong enough, that there was no possibility at all…that I ever could…"

I couldn't bring myself to say the words, as if just saying them would cement the prophecy in Alice's mind.

"So there's no possibility now?"

"Mind over matter."

"Wow, that was easy."

I laughed, still unbelieving the strife I put myself through somehow cumulated into this moment and I was here with her, touching her as I had never touched anyone else.

"Easy for you!" I told her, touching the tip of her nose with my finger.

So fragile. A porcelain doll.

"I'm trying," I promised. "If it gets to be…too much, I'm fairly sure I'll be able to leave." 

"And it will be harder tomorrow," I mused. "I've had the scent of you in my head all day and I've grown amazingly desensitized. If I'm away from you for any length of time, I'll have to start over again. Not quite from scratch, though, I think."

"Don't go away, then," she whispered, her voice and face conspiring to keep me here forever.

"That suits me," I said. "Bring on the shackles-I'm your prisoner," I declared. I wrapped my hands around her wrists, shackling her to me as I was to her, careful not to hurt her. 

"You seem more…optimistic than usual," she told me. "I haven't seen you like this before."

"Isn't supposed to be like this? The glory of first love and all of that. It's incredible, isn't it, the difference between reading about something, seeing it in the picture and experiencing it?"

"Very different," she agreed. "More forceful than I'd imagined."

"For example, the emotion of jealousy. I've read about it a hundred thousand times, seen actors portray it in a thousand different plays and movies. I believed I understood that one pretty clearly. But it shocked me…" I cringed, thinking about the day I first experienced it. "Do you remember the day that Mike asked to the dance?"

She nodded. "The day you started talking to me again."

I was happy she remembered it as that day-as if Mike's question was merely a footnote-not worth the thought. "I was surprised by the flare of resentment, almost fury, that I felt-I didn't recognize what it was at first. I was even more aggravated than usual that I couldn't know what you were thinking, why you refused him. Was it simply for your friend's sake? Was there someone else? I knew I had no right to care either way. I tried not to care.

"And then the line started forming," I laughed, watching Bella scowled as she remembered the same scene as I was.

"I waited, unreasonably anxious to hear what you would say to them, to watch your expressions. I couldn't deny the relief I felt, watching the annoyance of your face. But I couldn't be sure.

"That was the first night I came here. I wrestled all night, while watching you sleep, with the chasm between what I knew was right, moral, ethical and what I wanted. I knew that if I continued to ignore you as I should, or if I left for a few years, till you were gone, that someday you would say yes to Mike, or someone like him. It made me angry.

"And then," I whispered, "as you were sleeping, you said my name. You spoke so clearly, at first I thought you'd woken. But you rolled over restlessly and mumbled my name once more and sighed. The feeling that coursed through me then was unnerving, staggering. And I knew I couldn't ignore you any longer."

I paused for a second, collecting my thoughts. It was so hard to convey how everything was so much more profound, more intense than I had felt before. 

"But jealous…it's a strange thing. So much more powerful than I would have thought. And irrational! Just now, when Charlie asked you about that vile Mike Newton…" I shook my head, trying to rid myself of thoughts of him with Bella, my Bella. 

"I should have known you'd be listening," she groaned. 

"Of course."

"That made you feel jealous, though, really?"

"I'm new at this; you're resurrecting the human in me and everything feels stronger because it's fresh."

"But honestly, for that to bother you, after I have to hear that Rosalie-Rosalie, the incarnation of pure beauty, Rosalie-was meant for you, Emmett or no Emmett, how can I compete with that?"

"There's no competition," I smiled. I drew her hands around my back, wanting to bring her as close to me as possible. 

"I know there's no competition," she mumbled into my chest. "That's the problem."

I had trouble formulating my thoughts, feeling her lips on my chest.

"Of course Rosalie is beautiful in her own way, but even if she wasn't like a sister to me, even if Emmett didn't belong with her, she could never have the attraction you hold for me. For almost ninety years I've walked among my kind and yours…all the time thinking I was complete in myself, not realizing what I was seeking. And not finding anything, because you weren't alive yet."

"I hardly seems fair," she whispered, her cheek pressed against my chest. "I haven't had to wait at all. Why should I get off so easily?"

"You're right," I agreed. "I should make this harder for you, definitely."

I freed my hand, stroking her hair. I couldn't believe how truly long it was, so silken and beautiful. 

Yet I couldn't believe that she felt undeserving, that someone she was the one who got off easy. 

"You only have to risk your life every second you spend with me, that's surely not much. You only have to turn your back on nature, on humanity…what's that worth?"

"Very little-I don't feel deprived of anything."

"Not yet," I told her. She wouldn't realize it-not for years, not when she realized that those she loved the most were gone, that she was stuck in time while the world moved on. She wouldn't realize it until she wasn't able to be out in the sun, unable to feel the warmth unless she was in a secluded area. She wouldn't realize it until after years and years of lying and forged documents, years and years of isolation.

"What-"

'_Maybe I should go check on Bella-kids are too good at sneaking out these days.'_

I released Bella's hands, diving under her bed. I doubted Chief Swan would be appreciative of seeing a boy in Bella's bedroom. 

Bella crawled underneath the quilt, exaggerating her breathing that someone blind and deaf wouldn't believe that she was asleep. I was sure that Chief Swan would see through it.

He just stood, watching her. _'Stupid of me. I should trust her. Bella's a good girl. She'd probably get mad at me if she knew I was checking up on her.'_

I climbed into the bed with her, wondering if it was such a good idea but unable to stop myself from doing it anyway. 

"You're a terrible actress-I'd say that career path is out for you."

"Darn it," she muttered. 

Her heart was beating so fast, I wondered how she managed not to have a heart attack. 

I hummed her lullaby to soothe her, "Should I sing you to sleep?"

"Right," she laughed. "Like I could sleep with you here!"

"You do it all the time," I reminded her.

"But I didn't know you were here," she said coldly. She was still upset over that, it seemed. 

"So if you don't want to sleep…" I suggested, hoping to acquiesce her.

Her breath caught If I don't want to sleep…?"

I realized how my question sounded, laughing nervously at it. "What do you want to do then?"

"I'm not sure," she said breathlessly after a while.

"Tell me when you decide," deciding to spend my time waiting by continuing my exploration. 

"I thought you were desensitized."

"Just because I'm resisting the wine doesn't mean I can't appreciate the bouquet," I whispered against her skin. "You have a very floral smell, like lavender…or freesia." I breathed in again. "It's mouthwatering."

"Yeah, it's an off day when I don't get somebody telling me how edible I smell."

I laughed, loving the wit the more I heard it, but sighing at the meaning of the words. 

No matter how much I desired her, the thought of her as my prey, the call of her blood to me was always first and foremost, superseding my desire, no matter how powerful my desire was.

"I've decided what I want to do," she told me. "I want to hear more about you."

"Ask me anything."

"Why do you do it?" she asked. "I still don't understand how you can work so hard to resist what you…are. Please don't misunderstand, of course I'm glad that you do, I just don't see why you would bother in the first place."

I hesitated, wishing that this wasn't the question she asked. I didn't want it to take this turn, just wanted to lie in her bed and touch her, sing to her. 

"That's a good question and you're not the first one to ask it. The others-the majority of our kind who are quite content with our lot-they, too, wonder at how we live. But you see, just because we've been…dealt a certain hand…it doesn't mean that we can't choose to rise above-to conquer the boundaries of a destiny that none of us wanted. To try to retain whatever essential humanity we can."

She was silent. I thought, perhaps, she had fallen asleep. It was very late-by human standards.

"Did you fall asleep?"

"No."

"Is that all you were curious about?" I knew the answer to that question, even without reading her mind. 

"Not quite," she said, rolling her eyes.

"What else do you want to know?"

"Why can you read minds-and why only you? And Alice, seeing the future…why does that happen?"

I shrugged. "We don't really know. Carlisle has a theory…he believes that we all bring something of our strongest human traits with us into the next life, where they are intensified-like our minds and our senses. He thinks that I must have already been very sensitive to the thoughts of those around me. And that Alice had some precognition, wherever she was."

"What did he bring into the next life, and the others?"

"Carlisle brought his compassion, Esme brought her ability to love passionately. Emmett brought his strength, Rosalie her…tenacity. Or you could call it pigheadedness." I called it that.

"Jasper is very interesting. He was quite charismatic in his first life, able to influence those around him to see things his way. How he is able to manipulate the emotion of those around him-calm down a room of angry people, for example, or excite a lethargic crowd, conversely. It's a very subtle gift."

"So where did it all start? I mean, Carlisle changed you, and then someone must have changed him, and so on…"

"Well, where did you come from? Evolution? Creation? Couldn't we have evolved the same way as other species, predator or prey? Or, if you don't believe that all of this world could have just happened on its own, which is hard for me to accept myself, is it so hard to believe that he same force that created the delicate angelfish with the shark, the baby seal and the kill whale, could create both our kinds together?"

"Let me get this straight-I'm the baby seal, right?"

I laughed, seeing the light when I was so close to being sucked into the dark. "Right," I said, kissing her hair.

"Are you ready to sleep? Or do you have more questions?"

"Only a million or two."

"We have tomorrow, and the next day, and the next…" I loved how that sounded, the thought of a future with her, albeit a short one.

"Are you sure you won't vanish in the morning?" she asked. "You are mythical, after all."

"I won't leave you." Ever.

"One more, them, tonight…" she blushed, the sudden heat feeling wonderful against my skin, making me curious about the nature of the question.

"What is it?"

"No, forget it. I changed my mind."

"Bella, you can ask me anything."

She remained silent. 

"I keep thinking it will get less frustrating, not hearing your thoughts. But it just gets worse and worse."

"I'm glad you can't read my thoughts. It's bad enough that you eavesdrop on my sleep-talking."

"Please?" I asked her, making my voice persuasive, hoping to dazzle her.

She shook her head.

"If you don't tell me, I'll just assume it's something much worse than it is," I threatened, hoping that she would talk. She shook her head again.

"Please?"

"Well…" she began, her face scarlet.

"Yes?"

"You said that Rosalie and Emmett will get married soon…Is that…marriage…the same as it is for humans?"

I laughed, nervously, because I didn't want to think about sex while being so close to Bella. 

"Yes, I suppose it is much the same. I told you, most of those human desires are there, just hidden behind more powerful desires."

"Oh."

"Was there a purpose behind your curiosity?" I was masochistic, I truly was. Why couldn't I just let this go?

"Well, I did wonder…about you and me…someday…"

The breath left my body. Images deluged my mind, of Bella-and myself, in the most basic way a man could want a woman. I could have her, just as I wanted her, just as I found myself thinking about when listening to music, when playing the piano, when doing the banal homework assigned. Every muscle tensed and I wanted to kiss her, not the careful kisses I had to give her, but a kiss like the one that Bella really wanted, when she reacted to my kiss, opening her mouth, her hands threaded in my hair, fire meeting ice.

It couldn't happen. I would kill her. The fire would be put out by the ice.

"I don't think that…" making love to you like I've dreamed of thousands and thousands of times "that…would be possible for us."

If I could have cried out of frustration, I would have. 

"Because it would be too hard for you, if I were that…close?"

"That's certainly a problem. But that's not what I was thinking of. It's juat that you are so soft, so fragile. I have to mind my actions every moment that we're together so that I don't hurt you. I could kill you quite easily, Bella, simply by accident." I rest my palm against her cheek, to remind myself just how soft and just how fragile she was. "If I was too hasty, if for one seond I wasn't paying enough attention, I could reach out, meaning to touch your face and crush your skull by mistake. You don't realize how incredibly breakable you are. I can never, never afford to lose any kind of control when I'm with you."

I waited for her to say something-anything. To tell me that she couldn't be with someone that she couldn't be with physically. Maybe she would realize that I was so much of a freak, unable to be with her without killing her.

"Are you scared?"

She paused a second more. "No, I'm fine."

"I'm curious now, though," I said, wondering if I was being to forward. "Have you ever…?"

She blushed again. "Of course not. I told you I've neer felt like this about anyone before, not even close."

"I know. It's just that I know other people's thoughts. I know love and lust don't always keep the same company."

"They do for me. Now, anyway, that they exist for me at all."

"That's nice. We have that one thing in common, at least." I smiled, happy that she didn't even consider anyone else, that she was mine and mine alone.

And I couldn't even have her.

"Your human instincts…" she began. I waited for her to finish. "Well, do you find me attractive, in that way, at all?"

I laughed. She truly didn't realize. I rumpled her hair, wondering how to delicately put my ardor.

"I may not be a human, but I am a man."

She yawned. 

"I've answered your questions, now you should sleep," I told her. It was nearly midnight.

"I'm not sure if I can."

"Do you want me to leave?"

"No!" 

I laughed again, charmed by her need to have me stay, more than willing to oblige her. 

I pulled her closer, humming her lullaby. 

She drifted to sleep, half way through the song.

Today Bella became my girlfriend. Today I received my first kiss. Now I lay with her, my love, our arms intertwined, with the promise of forever between us.

It was a good end to the day.


	26. Chapter 26

My angel

My angel.

My angel, my salvation, my temptation, my descent into hell.

This was my punishment, I decided. For all my crimes and all my sins I was doomed to spend it within arms reach of this beautiful girl, this terrible seductress that tempted me with the one thing I couldn't have.

It was painful, knowing that it was there, knowing that all I had to do was look at her underneath my eyelashes and whisper 'please'.

She shifted closer to me. She was completely without self-preservation, pressing herself against a human ice cube. A human ice cube that could potentially kill her.

I kissed her forehead, letting myself linger on her soft skin, marveling in its warmth, its very vitality.

I wanted my family to meet her, to prove to them that what I felt wasn't just this infatuation for a human, but a love on par with my siblings and their mates, with Carlisle and Esme.

I love her, my angel.

I gently removed myself from her, having every intention to leave so I could ask my family to meet her, when I found myself in her rocking chair, watching her sleep.

It was by far my favorite pastime.

"Edward," she mumbled, her voice lifting to create more of a question.

"Yes, my love. I'm here," I whispered.

"I love you," she replied.

I went over to her, not to lie with her again because I knew that if I climbed into her bed I would never leave, but to touch her face, reaffirm that she was real as I told her I loved her back.

She smiled, apparently contented with my answer, sighed and continued to sleep.

She said nothing else.

I left, a few hours before she would awake, knowing that eventually I would have to leave.

Esme smiled at me as I walked in, sitting around some interior design plans, looking amazingly content. Carlisle sat next to her, reading _The New England Journal of Medicine_.

"Ah, Edward. There is an article in here I think you would enjoy-I believe you were considering the study of oncology when you went to college next?"

"Yes, sir."

"Then you will find this rather interesting. I'll leave it for you to look at once I'm finished."

"Thank you."

He looked at me curiously. "Is everything alright, Edward?"

I couldn't stop myself from smiling, thinking of the wonderful day I spent with Bella, thinking that finally, after decades of being alone, I finally found someone.

"I want you to meet Bella."

Esme's eyes grew wide, "Really?" _You feel that strongly, Edward?_

I merely smiled at her. "Yes. I thought perhaps today."

Carlisle nodded, considering the proposition. "I am off from the hospital today. We should ask the others, though. Make sure they are all…comfortable with it."

Alice bounced, for it was really the only way to describe Alice's movement, down the stairs.

"Edward!" She squealed, hugging me. "I would love to. I think it's a great idea, really. She should meet us, as we should meet her, since she is-"

"Alice," I warned.

"Fine. I think we'll be very good friends."

Jasper was behind her, looking at me in true terror.

_I can't do this, Edward._

I nodded. "Jasper, why don't you and I go talk?"

I met him outside, feeling nervous, knowing it's because of Jasper, his feelings radiating off of him and I'm not sure that he's aware of it.

"I'm happy for you, brother, I really am," he begins, looking at his feet. "If what you feel for Bella is even half of what I feel for Alice, then…" he trails off, finally looking up at me.

"I want you to meet her, Jasper, but I swear, if you so much as-"

He smiled. "Protective already."

I nodded. "I am."

We looked at each other, reaching an understanding without words.

Jasper nodded. "Alright, little brother. I'll be here and I won't hurt her, I promise."

"Thank you."

I went back in, ready to go change clothes so I could be with my Bella again, already feeling lost without her.

"How dare you."

"Rosalie."

"How dare you bring her into this house!" She screeched. "This is just a stupid human bitch!"

I lunged at her, clutching her throat, wishing I could choke the very life out of her.

"Apologize," I snarled.

"Make me," she sneered. "I hope Jasper takes a bite out of her, maybe then you'll realize-"

I smacked her, hard. I had never raised a hand to a woman before, the teachings of my parents still engrained into me. Rosalie was by far not weak and yet I still felt shame at hitting a woman, a sex that I was taught needed my protection as a male.

Her eyes grew wide. I doubted that I hurt her, medically it was impossible, because the nerves were dead. No doubt I surprised her, that the look in her eyes was because of shock rather than injury.

I got up, unwilling to continue. The sun would rise soon. I wanted to get back to Bella.

"Don't ever say that again," I hissed.


	27. Chapter 27

The route to Bella's house was so familiar to me now, the road to my home

The route to Bella's house was so familiar to me now, the road to my home. Esme's house would always be home to me as well, but the place where I felt the most content, the place where I was complete was wherever Bella was.

My hatred for Rosalie briefly clouded my thoughts. I knew I should have felt shame for hurting her, that the right thing would be to feel remorse, but I didn't. I felt some satisfaction, but I mostly felt anger, the need to protect Bella from that harpy.

She wouldn't be there to meet Bella. I could hear her thoughts as I left, she had no intentions of meeting Bella.

Good.

I came through her window as I always had, settling myself back into her rocking chair, waiting for her to wake.

She looked so peaceful, so content. She was dreaming and dreaming of something that made her smile, something I hoped that I had caused. I wanted to spend the rest of my life making her happy, making the smile come back on her face.

I smiled at the thought, of giving her everything she dreamed of and more. Trips to Paris and Rome, walking with her past stores, seeing her interest in an item and instantly buying it for her, just to make her happy. No jewel would be too expensive, though they would pale in comparison to the stunning clarity and depth of her eyes.

No jewel nor gem could match her eyes.

Perhaps she would one day want flowers. I would fill her room with flowers, any kind that she wanted. I hoped freesia, as it smelled like her, though roses had such a heady scent, one that begged for seduction.

I sighed. I couldn't be thinking like this. It wasn't safe.

She moaned then, the sound taking my breath away thanks to my wayward thoughts. She turned onto her side, displeased at waking up.

"Oh!" She sat up, blinking a few times at the movement.

She was a mess, a delightful mess, but a mess all the same. Her hair stuck out in all different directions, as if I had run my hands through in a hundred times during the course of the night, as I wished to, as I wanted to with the entirety of my being.

"Your hair looks like a haystack…but I like it," I told her, alerting her to my presence.

"Edward! You stayed!" She was so happy at the thought, her smile so wide, her voice so delighted. She ran across the room, jumping into my lap.

A thousand fantasies flowered in my mind.

She stiffened, looking up at me as if she had done something wrong and was awaiting admonishment. I laughed, hoping to show her that it was alright for her to demonstrate affection, indeed, it was welcome, in moderation, of course.

"Of course," I told her, my hands disobeying my mind's command to keep to themselves and starting to rub Bella's back, drawing circles on her back, enjoying the warmth and the softness she radiated.

She relaxed, her head resting against my shoulder, her breath so warm on my skin.

I wanted us to stay like this forever. Forget my family, they had forever, after all, surely they could wait another day, or two, or perhaps a week…

"I was sure it was a dream."

"You're not that creative," I told her, my ego getting the best of me.

"Charlie!" She exclaimed, jumping out of my lap and ran to the door.

I wanted to groan at the sensation of her leaving. I wanted to grab her around the waist, drag her back to the rocking chair, or perhaps the bed…

I sighed. I had more self control than this.

"He left an hour ago, after reattaching your battery cables I might add. I have to admit I was disappointed. Is that really all it would take to stop you, if you were determined to go?"

Her lips pursed as she considered the rhetorical question, looking at me longingly, then frowning.

"You're not usually this conflicted in the morning," I noted. I opened my arms to her. Please come back, I silently pleaded. Please make me feel warm again.

"I need another human minute," she admitted.

"I'll wait." I'll wait forever. I've got the time.

After an eternity she finally came back, her face so radiant upon discovering that I was still there, still with her. She came back into my arms and I held her there, finally realizing what it was like to be complete, to have the awareness that something was missing but it didn't matter anymore, that I was whole now.

I wanted to spend forever like this.

She stared up at me, frowning at something. "You left?" Her pout was so pretty, I wanted to tell her that I would kiss her and make it all better.

It wouldn't be that much of a hardship if I had to get out of these clothes…

"I could hardly leave in the clothes I came in-what would the neighbors think?" I teased.

She pouted even more.

"You were very deeply asleep, I didn't miss anything." My eyes shone as I thought of her declaration. "The talking came earlier."

She groaned. "What did you hear?"

"You said you loved me."

She blushed. "You knew that already," she murmured, burying her head in my chest.

"It was nice to hear, just the same."

"I love you," she whispered.

The words would be forever imprinted on my body, tattoos invisible to everyone but me. I would carry them forever, knowing they were there, that they were the beautiful truth that no one, certainly not I, deserved, but were granted by an angel anyway.

"You are my life now."

I rocked her back and forth, hoping she realized the sincerity and verity in my vow. She was everything to me, everything that I was looking for, everything I realized I was missing.

"Breakfast time," I announced to her. I wanted her to be herself around me and she needed to eat. She hadn't eaten since dinner.

Her eyes grew very wide, her beautiful, slim hands clutching her throat in terror. A sickening feeling ran through me like ice water.

"Kidding!" She laughed. "And you said I couldn't act!"

I frowned, the thought of killing my beautiful Bella more than I could stand, the thought that she thought me capable even worse, even if she meant her sentiment in jest. "That wasn't funny."

"It was very funny and you know it." She looked carefully at me and I gave her a smile, letting her know that she was forgiven.

"Shall I rephrase? Breakfast time for the human."

"Oh," she said, "okay."

I placed her over my shoulder, wanting to wrap myself in her warmness, finding that any time spent out of her arms was time wasted.

"Edward!" she exclaimed. "Put me down!"

I ignored her, setting her in a chair.

"What's for breakfast?"

I hadn't planned that far in advance.

"Er, I'm not sure. What would you like?"

Not that I knew how to cook. Esme bought food, occasionally made appearances at the grocery store and we were made to bring food, but all of that was for show. Food held no attraction for us anymore and I'd forgotten what it was like to have preferences.

I had never even really seen Bella eat. Was she allergic to anything? I saw her eat lunch, but lunch was different from breakfast and…

"That's all right, I fend for myself pretty well. Watch me hunt," she told me.

She grabbed a box of cereal, pouring it into a bowl and adding some milking. She sat back down, frowned, then looked up at me with uncertain eyes.

"Can I get you anything?" she asked. Her tone was so polite it was charming.

I rolled my eyes though, wondering how in the world she could still see a shred of humanity in me, enough to make her forget that I was a monster who drank only blood to survive. "Just eat, Bella," I told her.

It was fascinating. She ate with such grace and civility that was so foreign to me. There was a grace in the way we hunted and fed on our prey, but it was so savage that it could hardly be classified as civility. It looked so _normal_, so completely ordinary that I longed to share it with her, to sit with her and cook her breakfast and enjoy it with her. But the smell of food repulsed me and I had no means to digest the food anyway.

She swallowed, distracting me with the movement of her throat until I heard her voice.

"What's on the agenda for today?"

"Hmm…" I wondered how to phrase this correctly. "What would you say to meeting my family?"

She gulped, her face unsure. Maybe this finally sunk in the idea that I was a monster, the thought of meeting a whole coven of vampires. Maybe she finally understood that we were to be feared and kept at a distance. Maybe I finally pushed too far.

"Are you afraid now?" I asked her.

"Yes."

"Don't worry," I said, smiling, thankful that she finally saw reason, that she had some semblance of self preservation . "I'll protect you."

"I'm not afraid of _them_," she explained. "I'm afraid they won't…like me. Won't they be, well, surprised that you would bring someone…like me…home to meet them? Do they know that I know about them?"

Figures. Only Bella would be afraid that vampires, creatures capable of killing her and drinking her blood, creatures that weren't supposed to exist, wouldn't like her.

"Oh, they already know everything. They'd taken bets yesterday, you know, on whether or not I'd bring you back, though why anyone would be against Alice, I can't imagine. At any rate, we don't have secrets in the family. It's not really feasible, what with my mind reading and Alice seeing the future and all that."

"And Jasper making you feel all warm and fuzzy about spilling your guts, don't forget that," she reminded me.

"You paid attention," I commented, touched that she would remember the details I told her about my family.

"I've been known to do that every now and then," she said deprecatingly. "So did Alice see me coming?"

I shifted, uncomfortable. Alice maintained that Bella would one day be a vampire, that I would be the one to make her so. I would be the monster to take away her humanity…the very essence of Bella.

"Something like that," I told her, unable to look her in the eye.

She stared at me, trying to find the source of my discomfort.

"Is that any good?" I asked her, partly to change the subject and because I was curious. "Honestly it doesn't look very appetizing."

"Well, it's no irritable grizzly…" she quipped, taking another bite while I glowered at her mention of my diet.

I stared out the windows, thinking about how much Bella meant to Charlie, how he saw her as the only family he really had. So he loved her.

I turned back to her, smiling at her. "And you should introduce me to your father, too, I think," I told her, marveling how the sentence still made sense even though it was just the end of my thought.

"He already knows you," she said.

"As your boyfriend, I mean."

The word, which had so much frivolity attached to it before, when I heard it used by silly school girls with absolutely no concept of love, suddenly had meaning to me, emotion. It left me giddy, a sense of belonging. I was Bella's boyfriend.

She stared at me, frowning, as if in suspicion. "Why?"

"Isn't that customary?"

"I don't know," she admitted. "That's not necessary, you know," she said after some thought. "I don't expect you to…I mean, you don't have to pretend for me."

I smiled at her, marveling at her own ignorance. "I'm not pretending."

She washed her dish in the sink, biting her lip to keep herself from smiling. I wanted to kiss her again, but I wanted to hear the answer to my question first.

"Are you going to tell Charlie I'm your boyfriend or not?"

"Is that what you are?"

"It's a loose interpretation of the word boy, I'll admit."

She looked down. "I was under the impression that you were something more, actually," she said to the table.

Something more.

She thought I was something more.

Words couldn't express how happy I was.

Still, there was still Charlie to deal with.

"Well, I don't know if we need to give him all the gory details." I reached over, lifting her chin. "But he will need some explanations why I'm around here so much. I don't want Chief Swan getting a restraining order put on me."

"Will you be?" she asked oh-so hopefully. "Will you really be here?"

"As long as you want me," I assured her.

I walked, slowly, around the table to touch her again. So fragile! It would take me forever to get used to the spun glass of her bones and even then I doubted I would ever not think about it, marvel at it.

"Does that make you sad?" she asked me.

I couldn't answer. Eventually, this would end. She would grow up, she would find someone who could give her everything. Someone who could offer her a human life. She would leave and I would stay. Maybe she would ask to stay in touch through letters or email, but those would eventually end. She would leave, I would leave and this would just be a brief moment in eternity. She would eventually not want me to be around.

Eventually, I would be alone. Without this angel God sought to torment me with.

"Are you finished?" I asked her.

"Yes," she said, jumping up.

"Get dressed, I'll wait here."

She nodded, going upstairs, giving me a chance to look around.

The house was so cozy. From what I knew of Chief Swan he had this house built when he married Bella's mother. They stayed together for a couple of years, before she decided to leave, but he still stayed in this house. It was cheerful, whoever painted had chosen bright, warm colors. It was so warm, so quaint that I loved it.

There were pictures of Bella everywhere. Bella as a little girl, Bella as a young teenager. It was enchanting. She was a beautiful child, then a beautiful woman. I allowed myself a bit of fancy, imagining having a daughter, with Bella's eyes and my face, Bella's beautiful hair, a rich chocolate brown. She would have my long eyelashes and my musical talent, but Bella's tenacity and independence, our intelligence.

I wanted so much to meet this child.

"Okay," Bella announced, "I'm decent."

She came down the stairs as she said this, completely oblivious to me. I held my arms out, steadying her when she ran into me. I looked at her, the khaki skirt hugging her curves, the dark blue of her blouse becoming my favorite color. I pulled her closer to me.

"Wrong again," I whispered. "You are utterly indecent-no one should look so tempting, it's not fair."

"Tempting how?" she asked. "I can't change…" she offered.

I sighed. Completely oblivious. "You are _so_ absurd," I told her, kissing her forehead.

"Shall I explain how you are tempting me?"

I traced my fingers down her spine, something I'd wanted to do since I caught a glimpse of the skin of her lower back as she slept.

I decided to kiss her again. No, decision was the wrong word. I went on instinct, the need to feel her lips against mine.

Heaven. I was enveloped in heaven, the softness of her lips welcoming mine, her scent…

She fainted.

"Bella?" Oh god, had some venom managed to touch her? Had I hurt her?

"You…made…me…faint," she said breathlessly.

"_What am I going to do with you?" _Finding it cruel that my kiss was all too brief. I wanted it to be much, much longer. "Yesterday I kiss you and you attack me! Today you pass out on me!"

She laughed, still in my arms. It was a small, but still nice, consolation prize.

"So much for being good at everything," I sighed.

"That's the problem. You're too good. Far, far too good."

Okay, that was a better consolation prize.

"Do you feel sick?"

"No-that wasn't the same kind of fainting at all. I don't know what happened." She shook her head, looking at me sheepishly. "I think I forgot how to breathe."

"I can't take you anywhere like this," I admonished her.

"I'm fine. Your family is going to think I'm insane anyway, what's the difference?"

She did have a point.

"I'm very partial to that color with your skin," I blurted out.

She blushed, looking away. I wished I could hear her thoughts-know if it was the right thing to say.

"Look, I'm trying really hard not to think about what I'm about to do, so can we go already?"

"And you're worried, not because you're headed to meet a houseful of vampires, but because you think those vampires won't approve of you, correct?" I had to be sure.

"That's right," she answered.

"You're incredible," I told her. Truly, there was no other word for it.

I drove her truck, telling myself for the thousandth time that I was going to have to make some modifications to this thing, or, even better, get something more suitable for Bella. We drove past the houses, past normalcy, into the forest.

To my home.


End file.
